Archive for the ‘Tonys Kansas City’ Category

Slicker Than A Can Of Oil…

Tuesday, February 17th, 2009

oil can

The best news I think I have read in the last few weeks is the proposed return to major league baseball of one DENNIS ‘Oil Can’ BOYD.

There was a time in the late 1980’s when all of these huckleberry county ass fools named DENNIS were a problem in professional sports. DENNIS RODMAN, DENNIS GREEN and DENNIS ‘Oil Can’ BOYD.

At 49 yrs old Oil Can could be considered to be “off his rocker” for thinking that he could return to pro baseball, but when you have SATCHEL PAIGE as a spiritual hero there is nothing that is impossible.

I wish the Mets would pick up this unusual free agent since he shouldn’t be too costly to sign. The man hasn’t pitched professionally for nearly twenty years.

Quiet as its kept I think Oil Can might still be younger than ORLANDO ‘El Duque’ HERNANDEZ who played against SATCHEL PAIGE in Cuba.


Is It Daddy Yankee’s Birthday?

Monday, October 13th, 2008


So then why are all of the Mexicans drunk?

I read this article about Daddy Yankee moderating some debate in Mexico, or wherever Puerto Ricans come from, and the following day, no lie, I saw like a dozen Mexicans laid out in the street drunk. The weather has been pretty nice during the day but nighttime has been getting brick. I figured these dudes were all getting twisted because of Daddy Yankee.

The talk has been that Daddy Yankee was getting amnesty for all the day laborers and the delivery men without citizen status. You know how the U.S. likes to keep immigrants always in fear that their ass might get deported or some shit if they get too uppity. Immigrants keep their mouths shut in general because of this. But now, thanks to Daddy Yankee a lot of Mexicans are feeling like they can speak their minds now.

I have fucked with Mexicans for the longest time. They have the best beer – Negro Modelo. They have the best food – bandeja paisa. And they have the hottest broad in the game – America Ferrara. Let’s never forget to speak the names of Daisy Fuentes and Salma Hayek either. For the next presidential election cycle I expect to see a Mexican running for either major party. Maybe this was why the Mexicans were all laid out on the sidewalk. They had O.D.’d while celebrating the notion of their socio-political emancipation. I can definitely relate to that.

It turns out that it was Dia del Cristofo Colom yesterday. So all the Mexicans were getting drunk in honor of that dude. It made sense to me since Mexicans love Spain more than themselves. Fools were tore up from the floor up too. What I will never understand is how Mexicans manage to get so effed the eff up from those tiny little cans of Budweiser. I need about four tall boys of Bud to even feel buzzed. [ll] to drinking tall boys.

The relationship that people have with their colonizers is always interesting to me. The folks in Barbados were British-loving to a fault. People living in the U.K. don’t romanticize their country as much as the Bajans do. Nevermind that these dudes were one of the colonies that Britain disenfranchised early they still love that place liked cooked food. Everyone in school or work there dresses like a goddamned bobby.

I’m glad that Mexicans love Columbus though. No particular reason. Just glad.

POLITRICKS 2008: California’s Primary Colors

Thursday, February 7th, 2008


While many pundits and talking heads have spun the Super Tuesday Democratic party primary into a tie between OBAAMA and CLINTON the truth is that OBAAMA’s Achilles Heel has been brought to the light.

Latinos and asian people HATE Blacks. Okay, so maybe hate is too strong a word. Latinos and asian peoples have trust concerns when African Americans are being regarded. I think this is the result of the programming that has been put in place for generations in order to help these people assimilate into American society more easily. It also shows me exactly how thoroughly convincing supremacist propaganda really is.

While everyone has used OBAAMA’s candidacy to focus on the historically dysfunctional relationship of Blacks and the white, what will ultimately determine the Democratic party’s nomination are the decisions of the yellows and the browns, or the tans, whatever. For all you Blacks that have been getting hyped with Obamania you might want to brush up on your espanol. A recent study conducted through Duke University said that nearly sixty percent of Latinos felt that Blacks were lazy and non hardworking, while the same survey described that only ten percent of white held that unfavorable view.

This means that if you live in New York City and you support OBAAMA you might want to tip your takeout delivery man a little extra something. That dude prah’lee isn’t voting but you might be surprised at the goodwill between Blacks and Mexicans you have just engendered. Asian people dislike Blacks at an even greater clip than Mexicans so bringing the newsstand owner over to OBAAMA’s camp might not even be worth your effort. I imagine that the mainland Chinese folks may be the only viable asian subgroup available to supporting OBAAMA. Strictly on the proxy that four chicken wings and pork fried rice will become an official White House menu item.

Its sadly ironic that as some people are finally making strides to judge others only by the content of their character there is a whole sector of our population that has been so completely programmed to perpetuate the tenets of supremacy that the day will come when the Ku Klux Klan is made up of non-whites. Word to MEChA, and I’m not talking about Godzilla.

AIDS Rules Everything Around Me…

Friday, December 28th, 2007


A leading auto-immune system research scientist, BILL NARAYAN, passed away this week. Dr. NARAYAN has been working to develop a low cost vaccine for HIV/AIDS to be distributed in economically impoverished countries. I’d like to act like his heart attack was some kind of plot by the giant pharmaceutical conglomerates to thwart his vaccine development, but honestly, I believe the doctor was in bed with these companies in the first place.

The big problem I have come to understand about the so-called AIDS virus is that it lacks a viral fingerprint. Every virus on the planet from Ebola to the bird flu all have distinct fingerprints that you can register when you submit their blood cultures to a microscope. AIDS is the only human virus that only has… Symptoms?!?

The detection of an overproduction of white blood cells is generally considered the marker for HIV infection. However, the overproduction of white cells can occur for a variety of reasons. One could have influenza or even be pregnant. I firmly believe that whether you are diagnosed to have HIV/AIDS, or the common flu all depends on your sexual preference, your race, and your class status. The doctors that have opened this argument have been summarily disenfranchised. With billions of trillions of dollars at stake for the industry of AIDS it would be extremely bad business to ultimately disavow the disease.

So we continue to demonize sex as a culture which in turn creates the need for pornography. I ask you to take a step backwards and determine for yourself if the moneys generated by pornography aren’t in proportion to the media push to censor it, and the research dollars granted to “fight” the spread of HIV? What do I know anyhoo? Maybe the whole AIDS epidemic is a hoax after all. At least it is giving me some freaky images to stare at on my computer.

Do you think the scorpion is a male or female? Nevermind[ll].


R.I.P. To An iNternets Celebrity…

Friday, November 30th, 2007

zoey zane

Zoey Zane, we barely knew ye.
You lost it all to bare your soul.
Cop the new issue of Barely 18.

The chick above is named EMILY SANDER. She was a small town girl from the Texarkana badlands who thought she could use the internets to skyrocket herself to fame and a better life than working at the truck stop slinging sunnyside up eggs. It was an honest dream. I don’t think any chick gets into pr0n because she wants to be strung out on horse or gutted like a holiday hog.

Most chicks come into pr0n real honest like. They love dicks like I love sneakers. Maybe a little more, but I make no judgement on people who pursue their passion. Unfortunately for EMILY, someone made a judgement on her that said she didn’t deserve love or respect. The one thing I can tell you from my personal experience with a pr0n goddess is that all they ever want is to be treated with respect. And prah’lee some dick too, but some motherfucking respect first.

When EMILY confided in her boyfriend and told him that she would be doing dick pushups as a career, ol’ boy broke north like Oliver. I can’t say that I blame him although if she was making some wild bank I might have considered sticking around. I’m like most men in that I don’t care what my lady does to make her half of the rent as long as she doesn’t burn the lamb chops. In this case however, I don’t think that EMILY met her demise from the jealous ex-beau. The police have reported that Ms. SANDER was seen leaving a local watering hole with some Mexican dude. Didn’t I tell y’all that Anton Chigurh was hardbody as fuck.

The biggest problem with pr0n snuff films is that the really, really good ones only have one take. So now the world is short one iNternets Celebrity, and one sexy redhead. This sucks for me on so many levels because I love myself some redheaded snatch and Spider-Man 4 could have used a pretty Mary Jane for once.

EMILY SANDER a/k/a Zoey Zane Photo Album – *NSFW must be 18y.o.

zoey zane