Archive for January, 2005

Feliz Three Kings Day!

Friday, January 7th, 2005

king tee

FELIZ DIA DE TRES REGALOS!!! (Happy three kings day – in Mexican)

These dudes weren’t just kings, but they were also very wise. Because they let everyone else bust their ass to buy the all the Christmas crap from the K-MART in Kush and the BED, BATH and BEYOND in Babylonia and they just laid back in the cut. Bullshit is that it took them two weeks to get to Nazareth! Do you know what kind of mileage a hybrid humpback camel gets on on a gallon of agua?!? These players lamped for two weeks so they could come up on the end of season sales from the PEG PEREGO/MACLAREN dealership in Jerusalem and the 50 percent off sale at the BABIES’R’US in Lebanon.

Did you ever wonder why we kill a tree to celebrate a birth?
A Portland, Oregon tree hugging company came up with a great idea for my money. Christmas tree rental. And after you have finished humiliating the tree with your pagan ornaments the company will pick up the tree and donate it to a school or park where it can live a natural tree life which prah’lee means getting pissed on by dogs and humans alike.


Tuesday, January 4th, 2005

On sight unseen I can pick out the professional Black women in a symposium or conference just by reading the names listed on the program. Not because Black women have first names that ethnically seperate them from others, but because sisters now have surnames that ethnically red flag their presence. Is it my paranoia or does every sister that gets married now retain their maiden name? The first major example for me was Ms.HUXTABLE, the beautiful PHYLICIA AYERS-ALLEN. She dropped the AYERS-ALLEN for almost a decade while she played the part of the better half of AHMAD RASHAD. Who, by the way, I have never really smelled without his moustache. Now Ms.PHYLICIA has returned to the AYERS-ALLEN surname, and not a moment too soon. From esteemed authors like, ZORA NEALE-HURSTON and BeBe MOORE-CAMPBELL, to social critics and teachers like KIMBERLY CHABOT-DAVIS one thing is for certain. Sisters are getting their hyphen on!

I can imagine the sociological reasons for this trend. Black women have made tremendous progress in all aspects of american society. They have come from the maid’s room to the center seat in the board room. Black men are lagging far behind their supposed counterparts on the educational front when considering the completion of grades 10 and above. With all this effort, the reward is an economic independence never imagined in previous generations. Who would have imagined that the most beloved woman in American culture would be the 240horsepower, automatic transmission, gift giving OPRAH WINFREY. If she says a book is good then it must be true. If she says that Black men’s closeted homosexuality is the reason why there is an epidemic of HIV affecting Black women… IT MUST BE TRUE! Oprah’s poo really does smell like roses.

So I get annoyed when I see Black women credited with something and their name is hyphenated. I am not annoyed with these women, but instead, it’s their player hater husbands that have me pissed off. If you know that your wife is ballin’ out of control, you should take on HER last name. VERONIE K. STEELE-SMALL of the Los Angeles County Fire Department is the first African American women to be promoted to the rank of captain in the Dept’s history. Her husband should have had the good sense to realize that her maiden name of ‘STEELE’ was way more gangsta than his last name ‘SMALL’. Her joint even has the final ‘E’ on the back as well.

This is completely a new world in a new millenium. The post 9-11 era is all about changing the rules for perception on everything. If my girlfriend has a better sounding last name than ELLIS or PENN or she is making more cheddar than the kid, then we will rock her last name no problemo. This way we can keep those (-) characters where I am used to seeing them… on my checking account statment.

Reagan was the president, but I voted for Shirley Chisholm!

Monday, January 3rd, 2005

We lost an African American giant this past weekend. The Honorable MRS. SHIRLEY CHISHOLM passed away at her home in Florida. We shouted out MRS. CHISHOLM a few months ago when her biopic feature film was running at B.A.M. cinemas. If you were too wack to follow my advice and peep the film at B.A.M. then you are in luck because P.O.V. on CHANNEL 13 will air the movie on February 7th. If the recent political developments have you feeling the need to commune with others of a similiar blue state mind, the WALTER READE THEATRE at LINCOLN CENTER will be screening the movie on February 3rd @ 8:00pm for FREE.

I urge you all to see the film if you have any interest in grown folks shit like politics and social activism. The film isn’t too preachy either. It shows exactly how ‘gangsta’ MRS. CHISHOLM was to attempt to seek the Democratic party’s presidential nomination in 1972. She straight up put her life on the line during her campaign. Segregationist Alabama governor GEORGE WALLACE was almost assassinated during his campaign just to show SHIRLEY CHISHOLM how real it could get. The Klan was ready to give up one of their most ardent foot soldiers in order to intimidate the CHISHOLM supporters, and prove that they meant business. Some faggot-azz suprem-RACIST from the New York Times shitted on the film but don’t you ever believe those closeted racists at the Times. Those are the type folks that will tell you that they are concerned about minority interests because they asked their Puerto-Rican doorman what the score of the JETS game was(biggup to HERMAN EDWARDS and the JETS for making it to the 2005 NFL Playoffs).

If you are Black, if you are a woman, and if you are a Black woman then you most certainly owe it to yourself to see this film on MRS. CHISHOLM.