Archive for January, 2006

Springtime for Hitler

Friday, January 27th, 2006

baby fenway

Pitchers and catchers report in 18 days.

The Evil Empire hasn’t made too much noise this winter other than thirsting over a certain long-haired Mexican centerfielder.

Stop crying Beantown. At least until October. Manny’s staying and Theo’s back.

Note to ChiSox: If no one saw you win the World Series then it doesn’t count.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIPER CARTER!

Friday, January 27th, 2006

ms. p

Back in the day I had a schoolboy crush on PIPER.
So if y’all don’t know about this actress/model/professional photographer then you need to ask somebody.

or you could just visit her website pipercarter.com

rubber duckie

JIG WORDS

Wednesday, January 25th, 2006

jig-tastic

Byron Crawford Stand Up! (nullus)

JIG WORDS is fun for the whole family. Now you can impress your kids with you inner city knowledge, or school your parents on why you are dating a Colored. JIG WORDS is best when shared at the dinner table.

peep granny

JIG WORDS is also an important tool for all of the progressive learning institutions.

dallaspenn.com is for the kids

JIG WORDS forms positive bonds through shared communication. JIG WORDS brings the global community together and we are all better for it.

NAH’MEAN?!? – do you understand what it is that I am saying to you?

COLORS – red for Blood, blue for Crip, Black, Brown, Red, Yellow, white for all the people that get killed in the crossfire.

PIMPA notorious predator inside inner-city communities.

IZZLE – the popular suffix that can be affixed to nearly any word. usage: SYLVESTER said, “My baby girlfizzle lets me pizzle on her stizzle.”

SEAT – A woman’s derriere. usage: Yo, shorty holdin’ a sweet lil’ seat, nah’mean?!?

CO-DEE – your very trusted and longtime friend, i.e. co-defendant

FROZEFRUIT – A gay rapper with a lot of diamond jewelry.

‘SCO – Cisco. The king of all bumwines.

Clap For KANGAY WEST

Wednesday, January 25th, 2006

kangay goes hollywood

I am sure you all have heard about KANGAY getting cozy with the silicon seductress PAMELA ANDERSON. When I saw this story I was like, “Damn nigga, you got like a hundred Grammy nominations!?! Instead of slumming around with a superficial slut can’t you come up on some super-official white poonahnee like say a SCARLETT JOHANSEN?” Mmmmm, saying that just made me want to go and see ‘Match Point’ again.

sweeeet goodness

I mean, hasn’t PAM ANDERSEN been passed around to more dudes than a White Owl blunt at an M.F. DOOM show? You must have heard that dudes clap for PAM ANDERSEN, and I’m not talking about applause. pause…

But bigger than all of that, hasn’t KID ROCK already pizzled on her stizzle?!?

the kid

BILLY SUNDAY’s Television Network Scorecard

Wednesday, January 25th, 2006

who's watching who?

Black people just got hoodwinked. Everybody was busy sending around that e-mail to watch the JAMIE FOXX musical in order to save ‘Black’ television programming while right under their noses jig T.V. programming was shot in the head point blank.

The good folks at Time Inc. who own the Warner Brothers networks and our friends at ViaCom who own C.B.S., M.T.V., B.E.T., and more importantly the United Paramount Networks has decided to form a corporate television Voltron.

This latest media company merger will certainly cost a slew of administrative jobs, but I think that the real loss will be in the creation of diverse programming. Particularly jig programs. How many more ‘Beauty and the Geek’ shows do we need to watch? By the same token I am sick of that ‘Top Model’ crap too. That’s why I am working on a script for a Mexican ‘WAYAN’s BROS.’ tentatively titled ‘Hermanos SERRANOS’. I will try to see if I can bring some picante to these bland networks.

ViaCom appears to be the bigger winner because they have a lions’ share of the non-cable television market. The de facto loser in all of this merger mess looks like Fox. To retain their market share I can imagine Fox will resort to broadcasting a topless edition of American Idol, 24 hours a day. I think I should start practicing my singing…

I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky…