DALLASPENN.COM: It’s Ya’ Birthday! Who The Fuck Cares?!?!?

billy sunday

I am in a totally shitty mood right now. On my way home from work I watched the subway conductor dehumanize a disabled passenger by calling him ‘wheelchair’. As opposed to mister or even mister wheelchair. The conductor also argued with another passenger who he instructed to move from the area that was to be occupied by the wheelchair passenger. I guess the conductor was fresh out of niceties for the day because he was steady pissing everyone off.

When I exited the subway I was greeted with the screeching catterwall of some woman arguing with someone while she was on her cell phone. As she cursed the person in a style that is unimitable save for ‘Angry Black Women’, she upset my stomach. It was like the wail of a harpie. Her pitch was so high and shrieking that I begun to lose my balance. If there were any dogs close by I am sure that their ears would have bled.

Finally, inside the relative peace and tranquility that is my apartment and of course there are phone messages to listen to. Unfortunately, none are from family or friends wishing me a happy new year. This new year begins much like years past as I try to figure out a way to escape this mountain of debt and depression. At least I have you good folks. You guys keep me from even considering T.O.’ing up in this bitch. You humps better buy the book when it drops.

Anyhoo, if you want to do something nice for the kid today do me a favor and put some change in the cup of a homeless bum. But for the grace of GOD, there go I.

30 Responses to “DALLASPENN.COM: It’s Ya’ Birthday! Who The Fuck Cares?!?!?”

  1. Candice says:

    It sucks having a crappy Birthday! I say you break out the tequilla and call up your Chocolate Snowflake and play “Border Patrol and Illegal Immigrant”.

    Cheer up Dallas. And have a Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Amadeo says:

    Happy Personal New Year…For some reason I think it’s not as happy for dudes. I know more than one, including myself, who’d really rather sit and mope than have people singing at them. I hate when they sing at me. Enjoy…as much as possible.

  3. Grand Master says:

    Keep ya head up, dude. The internet got your back (no RICHARD SIMMONS). Let us know what’s good with that book.

  4. the_dallas says:

    ^Dont get it twisted, I would rather be naked, drunk and stoned, but I had to work today. I’m not always such a big baby its just a man period I’m having. C.S. has some eyes wide shut ish planned for me so let me make sure I put on some clean drawls.

  5. miss ahmad says:

    happy birfday foolio

    may all your christmas’s be bright!

  6. rafi says:

    Snap out of it.

    Happy birthday.

  7. Jeff says:

    Happy birthday man…I feel you,my birthday’s on monday and I’ve got those blues myself…stay up…on a brighter note the blog is still dope as always.

  8. Gaberockka says:

    I already said on your myspace joint but happy birthday DP. My birthday earlier this month consisted of working during the day and going to class at night. It was pretty shitty too, but once you approach 30 (or in your case have already broken it) birthdays kinda suck anyway.

    Cheer up dude…look how many people are on your shit…you got what? 500 myspace HB messages? Tila Tequilla herself would be proud

  9. RD says:

    Don’t worry Dallas…that list of people who need to get their du-rags snatched off will illuminate your day lol…

    RD

  10. RD says:

    by the way, this comment you left made my day…go get em Dallas

    …..As a Bagger Vance nominee I’s don’t need no thanks from the massah

    Comment of the Week

    RD

  11. Nigeria says:

    Keep ya head up.

  12. p-city says:

    D –

    Happy Born Day, Brother!

    I’m stuck working in Chicago right now.

    I’ll call a brotha later.

  13. Fin says:

    Happy birfday dude.

  14. a.i.n.t. no storm like the one i bring says:

    Awww, sweetie…so sorry to read that! I’m lookin’ for the opposite and that you had a fantabulous day, not a bummer! Damn those yankees!!!! Oh, wait… what? 🙁 🙁

    Oh, do me a favor and IGNORE the person who suggests that 30 is a brick wall. I passed 30 a long time ago, and I KNOW for a fact that ain’t the road to bland. It can’t be that unless you let it be.

  15. Shonquayshah says:

    Happy Birthday D.P….keep your head up!

  16. Jerome says:

    Happy Birthday…hope u get whatever sneaks u wanted for it!!

  17. jdotnicholas says:

    Happy Born Date My Negroid!

  18. fresh says:

    Ah yeah, I made it with 10 minutes left in the day…Happy birthday dp!

  19. 40 Dawg aka The Light-Skinned Richard Roundtree says:

    Happy Born Thunnie…

    Ghetto Big Mac’s with a candle on them in honor.

    If anyone is feeling very fresh for ’88 then join me in raising a 40 for a toast.

  20. prynsex says:

    Happy Earthday…….go roll in and up some grass and call it a day.

  21. Bless 1 says:

    Happy belated Born Day homie.

  22. Tiffany says:

    Happy birthday D!

  23. Misha says:

    2 shots of patron and a drunk hooker for u on me any time any place!

  24. Tai says:

    Shazam…I am late but I brought a frosty bottle of Cham-pale. Whatcha’ say?!?! I owe you tapas in the “A”…we celebrate real big!!!

  25. mrkamoji says:

    Late but not forgotten Happy Born day, my dude…

  26. Combat Jack says:

    Big up yerself Jah Lion!!! Blao!

  27. Sach says:

    Damn man, that’s a fucked up Born day. Had a few of em myself up to last year which is why I’ve resolved to spend however many following ones I’m blessed with in bed or a strip club.

    Happy (belated) Birthday and to more enjoyable future ones!

  28. 911 says:

    Its all good DP it can only get better…….I hope. We gotta throw a party next year.

  29. Blue says:

    happy belated DP

  30. nation says:

    it just keeps getting better man

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