queen bee post nip/tuck

THE INTERN is grinding his azz off (no homo JUELZ SANTANA) for the website this week and he asked me if we would consider using his personal letters to LIL’ KIM as a feature on the site. You know that I said “Hell to the Yeah!” considering the fact the THE INTERN came of age while listening to KIM’s debut album ‘HardCore’. THE INTERN represents the majority of KIM’s fans because he is a white male in his mid-twenties. THE INTERN can quote almost every LIL’ KIM lyric including the rhymes from tracks that she ‘guested’ on. Dude is nice f’real and he feels KIM’s ‘No Snitching Allowed’ steez f’real.

Let’s take a a peek at homeboy’s letter to KIM…

Kimberly Jones 56198-054
FDC Philadelphia – Federal Detention Center
P.O. BOX 562
Philadelphia, PA 19106

Dear Ms. Jones,

I am probably one out of a billion fans that is writing to you during this time so I don’t really expect for you to reply, but I do hope that you get to read my letter.

I have been a fan of your since my freshmen year at Stuyvesant High School in New York City. I liked you because you seemed to be more than just a rap star. Of all the people that came into the game you were like someone that wasn’t trying to be a character. Everybody used the phrase keep it real, but you actually felt real. Hell, you even smelled real.

I was totally sad when you were convicted of perjury. I wished that you hadn’t lied to the grand jury about those dudes in your clique. I wish that you had told the grand jury that “you can’t recall” or maybe plead the fifth amendment. It’s not fair that you were punished. Some people are arguing that by not cooperating with the grand jury you were only protecting criminals and that one of the problems of the Black people is that they protect criminals and they spend too much money and they don’t value education and they name their children ridonkulous names, but I don’t think that they protect criminals.

No snitching means that I don’t tell other peoples business. If I got busted with a few bottles of pifff on me I wouldn’t tell the po-po that I copped it from 148th and Bradhurst(the red door bodega), because that would be snitching. Even if someone were to kill my dog I wouldn’t go the police because that would be snitching. If someone were to hurt my mother I would go to the police but that doesn’t really count against the ‘no snitching’ rule because she pays the mortgage, cable and electricity bills so I wouldn’t be able to watch any internet porn without her, but now I digress from my point.

All I’m saying is that you are gully for real. Not fake gully like 50CENT is, because now everybody knows that he is the confidential informant in the Murda Inc federal trial. Not fake gully like all these rappers who get shot at but don’t shoot back. By the by, did you hear that your ‘girl’ FOXY was fresh to deaf. Ha!

I hope that when you come home you put the rap game in a smash for good. I still have your HardCore poster on my bedroom wall.

Stay up ma,
Ethan Nosowsky

10 Responses to “THE INTERN Loves LIL’ KIM”

  1. Oooooooo…I am SO mad at that picture! I stand firm…she should fire her stylist and if she doesn’t have one, she should GET ONE! And if she has a plastic surgeon, fire him too! Dammit that pic makes her look aweful! I’ve seen her look really pretty – not often, but I have. I was pretty shocked that they locked her up, but hopefully she’ll learn a lesson. Loyalty is not always deserved by those it’s given to.

  2. rpop says:

    I don’t think anyone can make her look anything but awful.

  3. apple halsey says:

    the real question is, how will she look with out all the glob is gone and a year stint in the big house? will she come out ever more jacked? will she go the martha way and end up skinnier, record an album of prison rhymes written by her fellow inmates who, naturally, will sing backup as the Big House Choir, and end up with a tv show? i’m just wonderin…

  4. I just have to say it again…that picture makes me wanna HIT somebody!

  5. apple halsey says:

    if you slapped lil’ kim, do you think she’s slap you back?

  6. Cocos Finest says:

    Did anyone mention to Mr. Nosowsky that Miss Jones is NO LONGER as REAL as she once was? I won’t apologize for what i’m about to say. B.I.G (God bless the dead) would not be to happy with all this plastic sugery shit. Come on could you imagine B.I.G Post-Gastric BY-Pass Surgery. Kim is from the hood where chocloate sisters are valued a hot commodity in SOHO, 34th st., any place where a white man with money LURKS. Why?! Because of our CHOCOLATE SKIN, EXOTIC LOOKS AND FACIAL FEATURES. Now she done gone and F@#%^d UP HER NOSE AND HER DAMN LIPS! Damn-it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE ALREADY HAD THE LIPS.

  7. I’m sorry, I’m still mad…

  8. yeahisaidit says:

    man, you know what? not that any of you previous posters have to apologize for anything y’all have stated concerning kim ‘cuz i won’t say sorry for anything i say either…but on second thought i’m not even gonna go there, but know this: lil’ kim is nothing short of amazing in this rap game! what makes me sad, mad and sad again that so many of my black people just don’t seem to even get kim and i just can’t knock myself out trying to run it down…”what the fuck? i got to spell it out?” now i don’t mean that kim is above criticism or anything just that from so many it’s the same ol’ is she pretty or not pretty, is she a ho’ or not a ho’; the madonna complex i guess, but man, all this ish is so damn played out people… it’s like attempting to explain how beautifully back miles davis and his music is to some sistas and brothers; after a while you simply decide to save your breath! it’s no wonder it seems whites tend to keep the flames and signifigance of our rich musical and cultural heritage alive when it comes to stuff like jazz and blues and shit of that nature reserving the harshest rhetoric for some of our most forward reaching artists with no idea of things like irony, juxtaposition or playing against, even though they are the bedrocks of black life and culture. it pisses me off so much when the colonized colonize. as an artist and provocateur kim is so cold the bitch is damn near punk rock! that’s what i see in this picture for example, pretty? fuck that! rough, rugged and raw? hell yeah! her own look, her own way unapologetically baby trusting her own instincts…that’s one reason so many do get her steelo, from ghetto to global fool! mainly though it’s those rhymes and rhythms; looks, lyrics and longevity. don’t even get it twisted, she’s nice on the mic with that fearless husky flow…so after all i guess the haters just ‘gon hate…”they idolize you but they still criticize you!”

  9. Dirty JAX says:

    ^ Oh brother … She made a few rap songs. Big whoop. She spends all her money on $15000 shopping sprees and plastic surgery and now she looks like one of the Jacksons. Stop trippin.

  10. yeahisaidit says:

    what you done? and i’ll fuckin’ trip if i want to!

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