COMBAT JACK: Number #1 With A Bullet!

apocalypse now

Editor’s note: Combat Jack’s reply that should have squashed all of the divisive language about 70’s babies versus 80’s babies must have fallen on the deaf ears of XXLonline’s secondstring staffer Sickamore. So it looks like the kid has decided to step into the arena where grown azz men come to put in work. I wish people would get their minds’ right and stop calling everything a hustle. Hard work isn’t a hustle. Growing up in the world isn’t a hustle either. A hustle is trying to make ends off other folks’ backsweat. A hustle is trying to earn a living by selling something that you know nothing about. Leave it to Combat Jack to learn the youth before the apocalypse.

“Back In ’88 When I Was Pushing Weight, You Was a Ballerina, I Got The Pictures, I seen ‘Ya”
-quote from a “70’s” baby

So the other day, I get this surprise e-mail from “THE 80’s baby” over at XXL. Dude reached out on some squash the beef shit. Peep game…

Subject: Dude, lets just end this shit!!!

Date: 8/20/2006 4:15:32 AM Eastern Daylight Time

From: “Sickamore” [sickness@tmail.com]

To: combatjack@gmail.com

Dude, this shit has got to stop. Why you tripping on me man? You and I both know that my ’80’s baby shit is just a gimmick and I’m running with that shit as long as I can. Why can’t you older cats have a sense of humor? Can I live? Even before your post on the internet last week, my boss Craig Kallman at Atlantic has been barking the fuck on me about my lack of decent signings on the label’s roster and how I’m literally “1/2 a step from getting my nigga ass ejected the fuck out of the building”. In addition, there’s a rumor circulating through my circles that my boss over at XXLmag.com, Elliot “YN” Wilson isn’t really feeling my recent posts, all double guessing whether he made the right decision to pay me monthly to write, and is even thinking about replacing me. Combat, I CANNOT AFFORD TO HAVE THIS SHIT CONTINUE OR BUBBLE UP TO THE SURFACE. PLEASE STOP ATTACKING ME. I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO YOU!!!!!!! I really thought about that Willie Lynch shit you dropped and you’re right man, we shouldn’t be beefing against each other. Yo, I know this real cool sexy ass coffee shop in downtown Brooklyn where, you know, we might be able to break bread, build, uh, maybe collab on some shit. My treat! Plus, they serve a mean Vanilla Latte with whipped cream and nuts!!!! Delicious! I’m thinking, yo, that shit would be ill if we did some Jigga and Nas, team up shit on some of my future posts right? ILLMATIC!!!!!!

On the real tho, I’m a nice guy and could really learn a lot from you about how shit went down before I got on in this music shit. You really can’t blame a young nigga like me for popping his collar on some ’80’s shit. Maybe you did the same when you were coming up. Right? Btw, what do you think of Saigon’s latest shit, hot right? I hear you about his picture on his myspace page, but yo, dude’s chest is just so oiled up and massive!!! I heard that chicks dig that, plus it’s only entertainment! Well anyway man, I’m trying to be on my grown man shit about this and am willing to let bygones be bygones. You’re really funny and when we meet (I hope), I promise I’ll put in a good word to Elliot about squeezing you in on the XXLmag.com roster. That would be hot, right? Anyway, if you’re cool with this, please hit me up at sickness@tmail.com. Also, let me know if you know any hot artists looking for a deal, I could really use that shit right about now, nahmean? I’m looking forward to you reaching out CJ, that would be hot! Right? Come on man, let’s do the damned thing. Peace,

Your lil homie (I hope),

Sickamore.

Sheesh, that shit made me feel a bit sorry for the young fella. I do know something about his track record as an employee, especially since his ex-boss Gary (a T.I.) at Beat Street Records in Brooklyn (a record store dude, not a label), used to personally complain ad nasuem to me about how dude was a really piss poor employee (dee jaying in the showroom and sweeping up the stock room). Gary even told me that in an attempt to boost dude’s morale, even though Beat Street never had an effin record company, they used to pay him like $150 a month (on some fake “a&r” shit) to put together weak Beat Street branded mix tapes consisting of several whack local Brooklyn crap niggas that all sounded like a poor man’s version of Jigga, just so the T.I. run store could maintain a good relationship with their younger black rap buying clientele.

Now, I really don’t know where Sic’s going with his e-mail to me, what with all this nonsense about linking up for some latte with nuts and “teaming up”. Nullus on all counts. Dude, er, thanks but no thanks! Plus, you really don’t have to go through the trouble of putting in a good word about me to your boss. But yeah man, I’ll increase the peace. I really hope that shit works out at Atlantic as well. Plus, I’ll do my best to turn a blind eye to your limited 80’s baby gimmick. Do you man. I know my place, it’s your turn scrap, you got the juice now. Plus, trust me son, I don’t need to prove to you that I’m Black, not caucasian. I happened to come across this picture of you trying your damned best to impersonate a 70’s baby? Uh, what’s up with that Sic? Last I heard, Cazal’s was strictly ’70s dun, plus that shit is looking real suspect, what with the lite gloss all up on your lips and all (ewww!)

cazal

I don’t ever remember real dudes rocking rims and wearing MAC lipglass like that back in the day. Come to think of it, that must be some the 80’s baby shit you brag about. That is you in that picture right?!? I’ll let you tell it.

38 Responses to “COMBAT JACK: Number #1 With A Bullet!”

  1. jimmy Says:

    i’m getting flashbacks of the o-dub and bol beef. please tell me he didn’t REALLY write that.

  2. RD Says:

    There’s no way homeboy wrote that. That was hilarious

    RD

  3. alex2.0 Says:

    “whipped cream and nuts!!!! Delicious!”
    “…dude’s chest is just so oiled up and massive!!!

    ^umm…did he really send that to you??? lol

  4. alex2.0 Says:

    check out ya boy diddy. seems like he’d enjoy some whip cream and nuts.

    http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1090557083

  5. FORT GREENZ PROJECTZ FINEST Says:

    THANK GOD SOMEBODY BLEW THIS KID UP I MET THIS KID A FEW TIMES HE A REAL FAKE IT TO MAKE IT TYPE DUDE. REAL BUGI TYPE NEGRO TRYIN TO SIGHN PEOPLE BUT HE THINKS HES A RAPPER HOW HE ACTS. BUT AS SOON AS HE OPENS HIZ MOUTH U KNOW HES SOFT AND AS FAR AS THE COFFE AND NUTZ I CAN BELIVE HE WROTE THAT THE BOYS STR8 METROSEXUAL TRUST ME MEET HIM AND YOULL KNOW WHUT IM SAYIN IS TRUE OVER ALL THE BOYZ CONFUSED. CATZ THINK BEING REAL AND AND REALLY COMMING FROM THE STRUGGLES LIKE BUYING A FITTED CAP OR A CHAIN IN FULTON THEY THINK THEY WEAR THAT AND ALL OF A SUDEN THERE KILLA BEN OR SUPREME MAGNETIC YA NIGGAZ IS MORE LIKE WILL & GRACE – P.S. DONT MEAN TO HATE DOGGIE BUT I MET THE KID AND HE ALWAYS LEFT ME WITH A BAD TASTE IN MY MOUTH MUST BE THAT GAY ASS PERFUME HE WAS WEARING – 1

  6. Antagonista Says:

    Too funny! That was def my comic relief for the day.

  7. P-Matik Says:

    Atlantic is about to can his butt because he wouldn’t know talent if hit him on the express track at 42nd Street.

  8. » Where is the Source? - XXL Says:

    [...] COMBAT JACK: Number #1 With A Bullet! [...]

  9. Sickamore Says:

    1st) U made that whole e-mail up…thats pretty pathetic, even for an old fart like you

    2nd) Jay-Z is a 60’s Baby

    3rd) You made up the whole Beat Street story as well…I never worked for the store…They did have a label and Northstar was their first artist….

    Arent u a washed up lawyer or something? You passed the bar and it took you 2 weeks to retort with a fiction blog?

  10. skdamc Says:

    LMAO!!!
    Damn, that’s some hilarious SHIT!! Sickamore needs to pull his skirt down and walk like a ball player!!! If he can’t take it yada,yada,yada!!!
    SKDa60’s Baby 1st generation Hip-Hop fanatic!!!

    P.S.
    That flick is on some ole “Homo-B-Boy” type shit. LMAO!!!

  11. FORT GREENZ PROJECTZ FINEST Says:

    http://sickamore.com/Presskit_Page_03.jpg

    LOOK AT HIM HERE NEED I SAY MORE (SEND THIS KID TO FIRE ISLAND TO A&R SUM SHEMALEZ)

  12. Mikey Ess AKA SukedowN Says:

    That email is faker than margarine…

    In terms of credibility and readability among bloggers, there were not many I’d put below Sickamore.

    But you, you’re corny as fuck for this one; and you’ve descended well below him.

    I understand it is tough to catch a break or any type of chance to make it blogging. So…why not create a one-sided beef with someone who you envy and are jealous of?

    (Front all you want, son)

  13. Combat Jack Says:

    ^ You may have issue with the email that I did indeed receive from Sickamore, but there is definitely no issue with the picture. There’s no fake ish about that one dunnys!

  14. Rey Says:

    Sick looks like a fruity John Starks right here.

    Get ‘em, C.J.!

  15. SICKAMORE (THE REAL ONE ) Says:

    SICKMORES NEW MIXTAPE DROPPIN LIKE A HOMOZ DRAWZ YA HEARD !

    “YOUNG GAY & MUTHAF**IN ANUS” IN STORES NOW HOSTED BY RU PAUL

    FEATURING GUEST APREANCES BY QUEER EYES WHOLE CAST , WILL & GRACE

    AND OF COURSE RICHARD SIMMONS DONT MISS IT ITS BE A CL-ASS-SICK

    ALSO DONT MISS SICKAMORE IN HIS FIRST TELEVISION DEBUT ON QUEER AS FOLK STARING AS THE GAY RAPPER SHOWING ITS OK TO BE YOUNG GAY AND MUTHA F IN ANUS AS HE LIKES TO CALL IT FOR MORE INFO CONTACT : ARI GOLDS SECRATARY AT MAN2MAN@GAYOL.COM OR Sickamore.com

  16. Nigeria Says:

    Is that for real?

    Sickamore’s 80s babies pass has been revoked.

  17. Tiffany Says:

    This is the funniest ever! LMBAO! Is this for real???

  18. SICKAMORE (THE REAL ONE ) Says:

    SICKMORES NEW MIXTAPE DROPPIN LIKE A HOMOZ DRAWZ YA HEARD !

    “YOUNG GAY & MUTHAF**IN ANUS” IN STORES NOW HOSTED BY RU PAUL

    FEATURING GUEST APREANCES BY QUEER EYES WHOLE CAST , WILL & GRACE

    AND OF COURSE RICHARD SIMMONS DONT MISS IT ITS GON BE A CL-ASS-SICK

    ALSO DONT MISS SICKAMORE IN HIS FIRST TELEVISION DEBUT ON QUEER AS FOLK STARING AS THE GAY RAPPER SHOWING ITS OK TO BE YOUNG GAY AND MUTHA F IN ANUS AS HE LIKES TO CALL IT FOR MORE INFO CONTACT : ARI GOLDS SECRATARY AT MAN2MAN@GAYOL.COM OR Sickamore.com

  19. XXL MAGAZINE Says:

    NEW XXL INTERVIEW : SICKAMORE ON HIS NEW OPUS AND COMMING OUT THE CLOSET ON HIS NEW MIXTAPE CALLED : YOUNG GAY & MUTHAF**N ANUS

    XXL – SO YOU HAVE REALLY CHANGED THE GAME WITH YOUR NEW MIXTAPE
    WHUT MADE YOU COME OUT THE CLOSET USING A MIXTAPE AS A
    A WAY OF TELLING THE WORLD ?

    SICKAMORE – I JUST FELT I HAD TO BE REAL WITH MYSELF AND MY FANS THERE ARE LOTS OF GAY YOUTHS IN THE HOOD LIKE ME THERE JUST HIDING IN THE CLOSET LIKE I WAS FOR SO LONG I FEEL WITH YOUNG GAY & MUTHAF**N ANUS I BREAK THE WALLS THAT KEEP GAY YOUTHS IN THE HIP HOP CULTURE SCARED TO BE WHO THEY ARE IM GONNA CHANGE ALL THAT WITH MY FUTURE WORK

    THIS IS BIG : SO WAIT TILL YOU HERE THE FULL INTERVIEW AND ALL THE SCOOP ON HIS NEW MOVEMENT THIS IS GONNA REALLY TURN THE HEAT UP IN HIP HOP STAY TUNED – XXL MAGAZINE

  20. Amadeo Says:

    This whole interaction from the post to the comments is hilarious. As a 70’s baby I crack on 80’s babies anyway. Hell they’re 80’s babies. The only thing worse is a 90’s baby. I’ll leave ’00 (double aught) babies alone cause they’re still young.

  21. JIM Says:

    WOW SICKAMORES A LIL QUEER BOY HUH HAHAHAHA

    HE LOOKS QUEER AS FOLK FOR SURE !

  22. BAD ASS Says:

    THAT GUY IS GAY I WANTED TO DO A MIXTAPE AND HE WAS ACTIN REAL FUNNY WHEN I WAS AT THE STUDIO ALOT OF GAY LOOKS AND EYE CONTACT FROM HIM AND HE DID HAVE GLOSS ON THE LIPS I WAS TOTALY IN SHOCK BUT SAIGON GAVE ME THAT LOOK LIKE JUST CHILL THIS DUDES FUNNY STYLE SO I JUST LET IT BE BUT I WAS FEELIN LIKE LETTIN HIM KNOW DONT BE LICKIN UR LIPS AT ME HOMIE 4 REAL BUT I JUST LET IT RIDE NOW I SEE EVRYONE KNOWS ABOUT HIM – THATS ONE GROSS DICK JOCKY 4 SHIZZLE

  23. MAD MAN Says:

    HES CLEANING OUT HIS CLOSET I GUESS HEY EMEINEM DID IT I GUESS SICK CAN TO

  24. the one Says:

    I think that was kinda fabricated. A lot…..

  25. MAD MAN Says:

    NA HES QUEER KID

  26. Robbie Says:

    That “80’s babies” thing is the weakest gimmick in the history of trash XXL posts.

  27. Ill Will Says:

    Lol….that picture looks like Calvin from Paid In Full.

    But yeah, clearly that email is fake

  28. better than yours Says:

    [...] Combat Jack is not f-cking around. Damn dude is going all out vs. “Mr 80s baby”. Note to everyone involved, Dallas is gonna hook me up @ the Nike iD studio next time I’m in NY so um yea… [...]

  29. spookywhite Says:

    HEY SYCAMORE COME OUT AND PLAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, SYCAMORE COME OUT AND PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY,

    WHEN I SEE YOU SISSYMORE, I’MA TAKE YOUR TURNTABLES, SMACK UP ON THE STREETS OF MANHATTAN/BROOKLYN AND THEN WHOOP YO’ASS WITH YOUR HEMP SANDALS. MIGHT EVEN HUMP YOU PRISON STYLE AND MAKE YOU MY BITCH-SO YOU CAN TOSS MY SALAD….

    ELMIRA

  30. zillz says hi haters I'm back off hiatus Says:

    Bwahahahahahaha!

  31. COMBAT JACK J.R. Says:

    YO COMBAT JACK HIT EM ONE MORE TIME ON THE BLOG YA HEARD U GOTTA MAKE THE YOUNG GAY & MUTHAF**N FAMOUS MIXTAPE COVER AND POST THAT MY DUDE LIKE YESTERDAY – ONE THOUSAND MORE OR LESS WHEN U SEE THAT HOMO FEEL FREE TO SPIT ON HIS FITTED CAP YA HEARD ME -

  32. Smokie Says:

    I haven’t even read the other comments yet, but that letter was the gayest real letter I think I’ve ever read. By “real” I mean “not a joke”. Damn.

  33. Thor Says:

    Yo Combat, just post a scanned print-out of your e-mail inbox so anyone can see that this fruitcake sent that mail for real….would verify all and let these fuckers shut up.

  34. geekbird Says:

    I’ve met Combat Jack in NY and he and his brother are mos def Black.

    Talked to Bol on the phone and he mos def sounds White, but is most certainly Black.

    Never met Sickamore but by all accounts, intents and purposes is mos def a Faggoty McFag. Nullus No Boutrous Trifectus

  35. Combat Jack Says:

    GEEKBIRD, WHADDUP DUNNY!!??!! You planning a comback?

  36. geekbird Says:

    Quite possibly. We’ll see if I can get certain family members to contribute again.

  37. fosterakahunter Says:

    What a queer. He appears to be one of this new breed of clownsters that get a little label position, and instead of playing the back and keeping it low-key, and you know, actually signing some quality acts, he all up in the video and sh@t like Puff. Twerp.
    ps That foto is teh gheyer than all outdoors.

  38. Sucker Free Says:

    what’s up CJ baby?

    don’t waste anymore time trying to school gay ass young ‘uns.

    what ever happened to your book?

    missin you!

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