M.D.O.A.T. (Most Downloaded Of All Time)

rapestar

While some of you cornballs sit on your azzes watching internets smut and waiting to see the SoundScan numbers for Jigger’s latest CD to exalt the fact that he only sold 500K his first week out just know that the ‘Kingdome Come’ album has pushed the Clipse out of the top spot for most downloaded. Evar.

This is big stuff considering the Clipse is the number one rap group for guys who moved into urban areas from the midwest, who wear extra schmedium t-shirts and skateboard to Starbucks. They also have high powered internets connections and slick looking iMacs at their office desks. These clowns can recite every single Clipse verse evar made, even the the ones from the hidden track on the ‘We Tongue Kiss Chad Hugo For Cheap’ mixtape. Damn these kids are good. How meta-ironic is it that the Vulcan hand sign remains some kind of post-Masonic homoboy hand gesture after several decades?

nerds

There is going to have to be a new ranking system for all the artists whose work circumnavigates the globe millions of times two weeks before their official retail debut. MICHAEL ‘Kramer’ RICHARDS would call it the Nigger Nielsens. The Ghetto Fab Gallup Poll. How do you even record these numbers with all the different peer to peer networks and file sharing databases that exist in cyberspace? This is why discerning Hip-Hop record executives come to DALLASPENN.COM instead of sites like Almost Black Gawker. We here at DP dot com have answers for the new media. We have a system that aggregates the number of hipster outlets that review urban music online and then take a total of the comments that are pro artist and multiply them by the number of posts in which the artist name is mentioned.

Okay, I was just bullshiting there. Instead I simply go to Google and see how many times an artist name comes up alongside their new project. Just as you might have guessed, JAY-Z is using tons of that Def Jam petty cash to hire high school dropouts to troll the web. Don’t get my words twisted either, that’s not a dig at my homey ESKAY. I am shitting on the folks that had my comments shut down on the AOL website. Hate on haters. We still here. So here is the DP dot com rating system for cRap albums that are downloaded from the internets. Each Hip-Hop Retahd is like the equivalent of 500,000 albums downloaded. Read it and weep Clipse stans…

jigger

JAY-Z ‘Kingdome Come’ over 1.5M downloads
That’s platinum straight out of the gate.

clipse

CLIPSE ‘We Got It For Cheap’ a little over 1M+ downloads
With every download you get points toward a Bape pearl necklace.

clipse

GHOSTFACE ‘Fishscale’
THE ROOTS ‘Game Theory’
anything MF DOOM
anything J DILLA

The above albums didn’t exceed 1 million downloads, but the overwhelming percentage of these file shares were from white kids in the exurbs.

clipse

DIDDY ‘Press Play’ total downloads = 500K
total downloads from Ness’ computer at BadBoy offices = 450K


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13 Responses to “M.D.O.A.T. (Most Downloaded Of All Time)”

  1. prynsex says:

    Does his jacket say “RAPE”?!

  2. Tiffany says:

    I think it’s Bape.

  3. Tiffany says:

    Some over priced sweatshirt.

  4. Sordid Puppy says:

    this post is hilarious…if the Clipse album isn’t damn near perfect, they shouldn’t drop it at all. gotta hop on my deck and head to fuckbucks…

  5. Sangano says:

    the Jay Z album is Stale….shoulda stayed in the board room jay

  6. mcarroll4716 says:

    That Ness line was hilarious! “Nigger Nielsens”….Classic!

  7. Eloheem Star says:

    You wrong for the Hip-Hop Retahd Rating System{HHRRS}.

    Hot post, lt entertained me on my evening commute back to the exurbs.

  8. Vik says:

    ddddd damn DP. this is FIRE.

    fuck the nielsens…..how many downloads you had? sound scan has officially LEFT the building

    i don’t know what the “official” word is, but that clipse album is a mess. terrible. pharrel is doin to hip hop, what erykah badu did to outkast and common

  9. Billy Sunday says:

    I apologize to The Assimilated Negro for the Almost Black Gawker remark. T.A.N. is mos def 100 percent Afro-American.

    The proper remark would have been Almost White…

  10. Jeff says:

    The “We Kiss Chad Hugo 4 Cheap” line is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long long time…this post is fucking brilliant..nice work.

  11. This shit is hilarious.

    I was going to do a post about going platinum on the BitTorrents but you killed it.

  12. EL A IN THE d says:

    Fantastic VOLUME two .. H2 in the purest….. Detroit whahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht (35 is not the new 25- its just fly)

  13. I’ve been absent for some time, but now I remember why I used to love this web site. Thanks, I’ll try and check back more frequently. How frequently you update your site?

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