Image courtesy of Tony’s Kansas City.
BIZ MARKIE – ‘It’s Spring Again’
Are you getting your shit together for springtime? I decided to climb up from my parent’s basement and do some personal hygiene upgrading. The shower wash I have been using is starting to lose it’s efficacy in my nether regions. It’s like as if my taint has developed an immunity to Cool Blue Axe body wash. I know CHOCOLATE SNOWFLAKE will appreciate it when I flower up the ol’ azz crack. Not that it’s ever been a problem, but still and all…
All the body wash products in this funky store I went to were made out of fruits and berries and shit. It makes bathing sound like fun when you can lather up your sachs with some mango-lime concoction or put some raspberries on your dingleberries. All this fruity smelling shit should help me get that coveted salad tossing in my pineapple. Not that I even want that in all honesty. I’ve seen what comes out of my azz so I don’t know if I want to kiss someone who lunches back there. Maybe some of you shit roses. I don’t. I damn near feel like buying some Flintstones vitamins too. They are supposed to help you with your stool. That’s my new favorite word this weekend.
STOOL.
The purchase that made me the happiest was this cheese grater type doohickey for scraping the skin off your feet. My ex took my last one away because I used it until my foot bled. That callous learned who was boss though. I have typical non-metrosexual man feets (read: crazy, ashy, corn chip funky). I don’t lotion my feet because when you put on your socks afterward it feels mushy inside the foot pad. When C.S. and I were first dating I never let her see my feet. Them fucks are deal breakers.
On the way back to the basement I stopped off at the spirits store. I’m finally off the weed. I had picked up again to review a couple of new rap albums for XXL Mag Dot Com. As usual, weed makes me depressed and anxious. I quit blogging about 10 times last week. The problem with quitting the shit(blogging) is that people look at me curiously and then shrug their shoulders. This means that I haven’t blogged hard enough to have made a real impression upon them. When I die I want people to say that I was the best to have ever done this shit. The mother effing B.O.A.T. of this shit. I want people to cry at my funeral and then I want to have a bomb azz party. I want to die in the summer so that we can bar-be-cue afterwards, because I like bar-be-cue.
I bought a bottle of rum. Mount Gay. Is that not the gheyest name evar? And it’s from Barbados so you know it’s a little suss. My great-grandmother said that only two things come from Barbados, flying fish and fags. She was from Nevis. She called herself British. I hope this rum isn’t part of the homosexual agenda that is overcoming American culture, but one thing is for sure, if homos can make a rum so smooth tasting then maybe they aren’t so bad. Mount Gay is damn good rum and whatever it does on Barbados should stay there on Barbados.
I need to do some laundry today. My underdrawls stash is getting dangerously low. If I don’t act now I will be wearing swimming trunks under my jeans this week. And possibly one of C.S.’s drawls. True story is that one time I ran out of underwear and I wore one of my ex girls thongs. It was ridiculous. The material was irritating my bum and the material on the front side didn’t hold my sachs either. I would have been better off wearing nothing under my pants and just rocking out commando. I never dug that style unless I had on sweatpants. I need a layer of soft brushed cotton on my sachs thank you very much.
Hip-Hop isn’t dead. It upgraded from Mickey Dee’s to organic gourmet Dean and Deluca. I took some pics of these dudes harassing the pretty white thing things coming out of the market. It’s good to see that Hip-Hop is looking to get healthy this summer. Respect to these dudes…
10-4 on Mount Gay rum. Can’t even hate on Admiral Nelson because his $5 savings over the Captain means more money for condoms when its time to swap your wench’s poop deck.
And fuck spring, we don’t have that here in Florida. We have cold and then Summer.
I’m still deeply depressed over the last 2 days blogs to get excited over spring…It hit hard for me.
wow, i actually know these cats
“Them fucks are deal breakers.”…..this is where I died…XXL ?….I think I got it now…these semi random post are THE best…hilarity.
look man…
I’m gonna leave “when is the book coming out” comments until the motherfucking book actually comes out
the kid with the black and gray hat looks like a young D-Nice (TR808)
“My great-grandmother said that only two things come from Barbados, flying fish and fags.”
Same goes for chefs. They’re either raging alcoholics or fudges. Those that aren’t are both.
I have a feelin DP is gonna get shot….die, and the web site will have more traffic than evar! Rumor has it that DP has sooo many un posted blog stories some where on tha internets. Then DP is gonna resurrect, on 7/7/07 just like 2Pac!