HOTLANTA: HOME OF THE BRAVES…

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Is this man laughing?

Or is he screaming in pain at the genocide of his family and the misappropriation of his culture?

Or did he just win a grip on the Baccharat table at the Stone Mountain reservation casino?

I’m going with the third choice because that’s the happy ending that white folks in Atlanta like.

With my mother now residing in A-Town I have become sort of a bi-regional blogger (no Pharoe Monch). This isn’t a problem with me during football season as long as the Falcons keep weed smoking RON MEXICO in their uniform, but there is no way I can find myself rooting for an A-Town team during baseball season. The past fifteen years of Atlanta’s dominance in the National League east division has been too tortuous to mitigate as a lifelong Mets’ fan. What more can I say? Atlanta might have one of the best scouting systems in major league baseball rivaling the Yankees, and even the Los Angeles Dodgers. They arguably have the best manager in the game. Is there anyone who handles ballplayers better than BOBBY COX (nullus)?

I just can’t bring myself to embrace the Braves and HENRY AARON is one of my lifetime idols. I’ve had mixed feelings this season watching BARRY BONDS inch his way closer to owning the crown as the greatest home run slugger of all time. It’s a record he certainly deserves no matter what anyone says. I wish that BARRY BONDS were the type of player that KEN GRIFFEY Jr. is/was. KEN GRIFFEY’s principles and his respect for the game seemed similar to HANK AARON’s. I suppose I’m being unfair in my assessment of BONDS character since I’ve never talked to the man, but my impressions are usually spot on. Being a Hall of Famer in baseball never meant that you couldn’t also be a selfish prick as well. Hell, TY COBB and half the Hall would have their busts removed from that building.

I’ll be in Atlanta during the middle of August and I plan on catching a ballgame when San Francisco comes to Turner Field on the 16th. Maybe BARRY BONDS will become the kind of guy that says that his job was easier by players like AARON and MAYS, instead of just reflecting on his dad who was in every sense of the word a weedcarrier for the ‘Say Hey Kid’. Maybe BONDS will hit his 756th home run? Maybe ANDRUW JONES will strike out looking? Maybe ‘The Hammer’ will show up?

That would be a good day. No, that would be a great day.

jones

11 Responses to “HOTLANTA: HOME OF THE BRAVES…”

  1. Candice says:

    You can’t ever ROOT FOR THE BRAVES. It’s against the Met fan code of honor.

  2. alex2.0 says:

    that sucks, i wont be here when you visit.

  3. B says:

    For all time I’ve been hating on the braves. From David Justice getting at Halle Berry to John Smoltz beating on Glavine this year, they vex me on a personal level. Eff those dudes, I’m glad they only got the championship once. As beat as the braves are, the yankees are the ones who really fuck it up for the mets. No matter how bad they are they always command the back and front pages of the post/daily news. Like this bullshit with a-rods wifey wearing the eff you shirt. Bitch please, my mets are coming down with the clap and a t-shirt gets the attention? Bronx bombers can eat a dick.

  4. Amadeo says:

    I think we have a baseball team here in Baltimore…or at least some guys that dress like they’re one. Probably the latter.

  5. LM says:

    DP,

    I might be making a trip there around then… I’ll try to check in with you prior.

    Bobby Bonds was the Say Hey Kid’s weed carrier? No fair to Bobby — he was 5 years old when Say Hey made his debut and was only in the majors for 73 of Say Hey’s 660 HRs.

    Bobby Bonds could play, though he might have been all-time best at striking out.

  6. Were Read 2 Def says:

    >Is there anyone who handles ballplayers better than BOBBY COX (nullus)?

    Nooooooooooooo

  7. Enigmatik says:

    that native indian american is definitely screaming in pain

  8. sangano says:

    “With my mother now residing in A-Town I have become sort of a bi-regional blogger (no Pharoe Monch).” ??

    plz extrapolate but dont Homogenate…if that’s what your trying to say

  9. Ream_Team says:

    Yeah, the Pharoe reference is over my head.

  10. nerditry says:

    Family is not enough of a reason to move to Atlanta unless it’s gotten to the point where they need you to wipe for them.

    Positives – Mrs. Winner’s Chicken & Biscuits, World of Coke, seeing Jermaine Dupri at the store and not knowing if he was a “special” bag boy.

    Negatives – Close to not a god damn thing, no Pepsi products in city limits, the Hawks, the heat, Wal-Mart.

    I say stroll through Savannah and enjoy the chill part of Georgia.

  11. twerkolator says:

    dp: don’t come to my city without hollering!

    “we rep the same smart tech!”

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