DP Dot Com And The Magic Doo Doo Blanket…

feces

Reese’s feces

I know you’ve all been missing the DP Dot Com scatological musings. I have too. Today’s shitty talk will actually benefit you, the reader, because I will discuss a fantastic technique for the removal of feces from your water closet, or as they are popularly termed – toilet bowl.

The American diet consists of such a variety of foodstuffs that most of our waste is typically texturally inconsistent. Solid ropes of excrement are few and far between for many Americans and the fetid remains can be seen clinging to the walls of their water closets.

How do you insure that the shit you take, er, leave, exits your commode accomodations entirely after you flush? The magic doo doo blanket is the answer to that question.

The magic doo doo blanket is neither magic, nor is it an actual blanket per se. Instead it is simply a few plys of domestic toilet paper laid along the wall of your toilet where you imagine that your fecal deposit will land. The toilet paper acts as a lining that then transports your waste from the toilet upon release of the flush handle.

feces

Witness how unencumbered the sides of the DP Dot Com toilet are. Also peep the partial cherry skin in the center. Those cherries were good that day, but that shit was even more refreshing.

Thanks to the magic doo doo blanket the image of my cherry skin-laden shit log is only a memory, as it should be. Bring the fun back into number two’s with a magic doo doo blanket. You know you want to.


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11 Responses to “DP Dot Com And The Magic Doo Doo Blanket…”

  1. evan says:

    Who hasn’t been in the scenario whereupon the turlet is full of inside out burritos and one badness keeps coming back up to the top? Trust the tp, but don’t get cocky [||] and clog up the works with the paper towel blanket.

  2. h8torade says:

    I’m all for trying to streak up the shitter. Especially at work, the more swirls I can get the better.

    Our shitter has this jet stream of water that totally destroys any chances of my fecal matter clogging up the shitter. But it does splatter it inside of the bowl and occasionally leaves a couple of “survivors” floating on the top.

  3. Blackwater says:

    I’m at work at cats looking at me funny for this joint. I aint really partial to the shit talk but whatever B

  4. Big Homie says:

    It doesnt leave on the first flush. I have to flush twice.

  5. Daesonesb says:

    dude. If you look back over the last three posts… lately dallas penn has been on some disgusting shit.

    Not saying you arent funny, but isn’t Billy Sunday supposed to be for the kids? Or is that just Wutang..

  6. Combat Jack says:

    Nasty shit yo!

  7. Beggar says:

    Yo whats really good! The funny thing is… i been doing that secret for years.. You let the secret out now you must die!

    They way that looks you needed to give a mid flush to avoid the horrid smell!

  8. prynsex says:

    The above pictures don’t have “SHIT” (pun not intended) on the tragedy that struck down on my toilet with a vengance at 3:03 a.m. this morning. Besides the combined dress rehearsal for a Quentin Tarantino flick and the remix of the movie 300, rumble in the jungle that went on in my stomach and woke me out of a dead sleep, I was outraged! My life passed before my eyes as I sat on the toilet, contenplating on whether to call in to work, be carted off to the hospital, contact the next of kin or all of the above. I thought it over (as if I had anywhere else to be) and decided that I didn’t want to wake the seed, plus I thought I could handle it…..hell I thought the toilet could handle it too! Long live the porcelin Gods. But I really do believe that they should start making outhouses again, cuz this was one fight that the whole homefront stayed losin’.

    Thanks for the tip on the “Magic Doo Doo Blanket”, but it couldn’t hold a double roll of Charmin with Aloe and a Summer’s Eve cleansing cloth to what I put down that pipe.

    When all was said and done and I looked back (literally) it seems like there might have to be a “boil water advisory” for at least the next couple of days. Just until the smoke clears.

    Day old Spicy Popeye’s Chicken with a side of Tabasco will getcha’ every time!

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