Watching the historic Patriots versus Giants tilt last night with the ladies was an interesting affair. The ladies were amazed at all the different commercials for beer and also erectile dysfunction medication. Women, being smarter than us, pointed out that if men didn’t consume so much beer in the first place they prah’lee wouldn’t end up needing E.D. pills when they wanted to “put in some work”.

That’s the biggest problem with women. They use logic for shit. If we men used logic do you think the planet would be ticking as loudly on its current doomsday clock? Do you think the U.S. would be at war with everyone? Hell, do you think G DUBBZ would even be president? Hell nahh. The ladies then raised a serious point. With all of these pills to aid the pitcher (no ROGER CLEMENS), why aren’t there any medications to help the catchers? Hmmm? The ladies do have a point there.

Like with anything nowadays that corporations want to sell to people, it doesn’t matter so much what product or service they deliver, as much as the marketable name of that product or service. Consumers are far too savvy to accept anything from ACME Mfg Co. anymore. Only Wile E. Coyote fucks with that shit. American consumers want products with sexy marketing campaigns and punchy slogans and product names.

The easy part for us was in developing the pills that allow catchers to shine (no MIKE PIAZZA). The hard part (puns always intended at DP Dot Com) was coming up with a product name and tagline to help us sell this crap. Here is a look at some of the proposed product names…

Vidalis – GORE VIDAL was a well documented catcher. Be like him.

Chutamine – Keeping the chute free and clear.

Rectalia – Too obvious. Wal-Mart pharmacies won’t carry it, but the Canadian black market that supplies heartland America is BOOMING.

Colonase – This one was rejected for the above reasons and also because it started to sound like Colonease, and then Colonize…

Bhungolitane. – Nahhh.

Tailpipex – We felt like we were onto something, plus it was after midnight and we were all drunk.

Then the muse came down to us…


Help your tight end catch more balls.

Glaxxo SmithKline!?! Get on this, stat.


10 Responses to “EXPANDING ONE’s ENDZONE…”

  1. evan says:

    Had those commercials not been on I would’ve never been able to step my ability to throw a football through a tire swing. Furthermore, I can’t remember the last time I heard some chicken squawking about how much she hated when it was priapism time. They should realize that by the time Herman Hard On comes bearing gifts (puntastic) we could give a fuck about their potential problems, most of which could be solved with Crisco or an Elephant Man (no Pon de River) bag mask.

  2. VEe says:

    Yeah, those Football drug commercials do not stop. I only watched part of the game, no Tivo here. Giants were up 28-16 at on point, I went back and the Giants were down 31-28 . . . and I knew the eventual outcome.

    The last picture is _________. Hilarious.

  3. zillz says:

    holdin’ ol bitch titties is a goal i set for myself in ’08. who’s with me?

    raise your hand for ol bitch’s titties

  4. A.C. says:

    D.P. always comes correct [ll] with his photographs.

  5. Candice says:

    The Giants almost did it but as Brandy (no hit and run) said…”Almost doesn’t count”.

    What google search did you make to score that last flick? LMAO

  6. prynsex says:

    Women have a pill………….its the lil purple pill, mix it with the lil blue pill and you have “BLURPLE”.

    Glaxxo SmithKline stay losin’.

    My money is on Eli Lilly! They employ black ppl.

  7. Combat Jack says:



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