I hate when I have all these far-reaching plans to get shit done around the house and to go out on the town with my sexy lady for an evening but then everything gets dashed because of some dumb shit I did.
After a hard week at the day job where I got little to no sleep due to the fact that I stay up to 4am every night reading other people’s blogs and trying to put this site together I thought I would have a nice relaxing Friday evening at home. Something low key with a DVD and a few cups of tea. Albeit I would lace my tea with some Maker’s Mark, but the point was to fall back and get some rest.
There are like a million different types of tea in the supermarket. I usually go in for the Celestial Seasonings brand. The Red Zinger mixed with a bag Chinese ginger lemon is the shizznit. I wa looking for something that would relax me. I peeped this box that said ‘Smooth Moves’ and immediately what came to my mind was some VAUGHN HARPER [ll] Quiet Storm type shit. I was going to walk around my apartment in my bathrobe after watching some pr0n and listening to the new ERYKAH BADU album.
I typically make myself four(4) cups of tea when I boil water. I end up putting two in the ‘frige after they have cooled down and then I have a nice soothing beverage to refresh me in the a.m. after I shower. Since I didn’t have any ginger tea left I just went in with four cups of “Smooth Move’. In the back of my mind I am humming the lyrics to that Big Daddy Kane song where the chorus goes, “Cause I’m so smooth.” I am so smooth, and so damn stupid. Too bad for me that I can’t read product boxes past the fantasy that my imagination creates.
The smooth moves that this tea gives aren’t the type to have you singing SADE’s ‘Smooth Operator’. These smooth moves will have you singing another tune. I haven’t been able to leave the house for two days because my moves haven’t been as smooth as they have been explosively frequent. I was fearful that at some point this afternoon I was going to shit out my kidney.
This is one of the reasons why I need C.S. in my life. She reads all the boxes I pick up at the supermarket. She tries to stop me from consuming too much high fructose corn syrup, or hydrogenated something somethings. I can’t be bothered with reading shit. I have writing to do.
So that is my story this weekend. I have even considered bring the laptop inside of the bathroom with me since I am spending all my time in here. If you think this site is going down the toilet then you might have a point. It is definitely going down on some watered down shit. I gotta go now…
Actually I buy that brand of tea…not the laxative tho…not so smooth. I suggest chamomile for a calming tea my girl is an herbologist. We love your stuff come check our blog had to repost Computer Love
http://nextthing.wordpress.com/2008/03/14/computer-love/
dam son…
This is a good segue to Sunday morning infomercials. Got your man with teh Dual Action Cleanse on 2-10 channels at any time. If that doesn’t work, let Dr. Bobby Jones and the rest of the gospel gangstars scare the shit out of you as chapter and verse are yelled for the lord’s enjoyment.
I meant to hit you up this weekend for the Nomadic Wax anniversary party in Williamsburg. Good times.
BDK – smooth operator
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eTa1C516Iw
that’s some funny shit. it happens to the best of us, i guess.
I hate to laugh at another person’s suffering but you just HAD to word it like this, so sorry DP.
FYI for the tea fiends – find a little local asian grocery store. They always got damn good tea.
Agreed that chamomile is relaxing as shit tho. I think Celestial Seasonings makes a Honey Chamomile…it’s the shit.
Waaaay back when I was young and greedy I stole some of my fathers chocolate bars. When my father realized that his chocolates were missing he asked everybody and of course, no one came forward with any information. My father said that he will surely find out the next day.
The next day I did not go to school. My mother, father and oldest brother were laughing at me. That was my introduction to Ex-Lax.
Lesson learned. That’s that s**t.
Traditional Medicinals is the shit. I even like how it rolls off the tongue. They make that tea in every shape and form. From the lactating mothers to the PMS’n bitches. My Traditional Medicinal of choice is the Lemon Echineacea Throat Coat.
I slobbed down a salty pole once and ain’t been right ever since.
Celestial Seasonings makes some bomb ass Ice Cream!
Haven’t you ever heard that Little Kid refrain …. “Smooth Move, Ex-Lax!”
Mostly said in movies/tv after someone tries doing soemthing cool calm and collected, yet ends up looking like Barney Phife.
I thought that box was a riff on that old line.
Smoove move, Dallas
Dammit man, you have got to start reading shit! Oh my God, laughing at this alsmost got my ass kicked out the library, LOL.
L