Better Basketball = Extra Schmedium Shorts

stockton

Editor’s note: Respect FreeDarko dot com everytime. This DP throwback was brought on by the comparisons of Steve Nash to John Stockton. I’m no J.S. fan, but Steve Nash couldn’t carry his jockstrap [ll].

FreeDarko Nation! What it do party people? Right now I feel like KanYe West after he won all those Emmys. I can’t believe I’m talking to the F.D. famlay. I was a little shook at first to come in over here because y’all cats are mad polysyllabic with your shit, but your boy said that I should just get in where I fit in. Hopefully there’s someone on this side to translate retahd-speak.

The 2007-2008 campaign for the Association is well underway and just like we all imagined they’d be, Boston is a beast. LeBron and the Cavletics might be able to serve up some comp if that dude Jesus Shuttlesworth can keep choking with under a minute left to play. The West is still the best. I was quietly hoping that Houston would step up something serious so that maybe we could have a repeat of one of the classic Finals’ matchups.

The Rockets and the Celtics butted heads[ll] twice for ‘Chips and both times Boston prevailed on the back of Larry Bird. The Celtics superstar forward for this tilt would be the wunderkind Kevin Garnett, while the Rockets foreign exchange center is from Africa by way of China, Ming Yao. The marketing is already in place so it makes the regular season kind of a waste of time. Sort of like the first forty-six minutes of most b-ball games.

rockets celts

The league can work all of its magic to engineer this matchup, but the one element that would have made this series an instant classic has been stashed away in the NBA’s closet of shame. Cocaine, you said? No, but you were close. Tightpants would be the correct answer. In the last twenty plus years since the decline of tightpants the Association itself has been foundering. The beauty of the game is now interminably lost as the players run up and down the court in Capri shorts, or are they coolots. Assists on an overall basis have been declining steadily as well as field goal percentages. Three point field goals made are up from the 1980’s numbers, but how hard is it to shoot a three pointer wearing board shorts?

Show me a professional sport, that is enjoyable, where the entire uniform can be worn as street clothing? I rue the day that Michael Jordan came into the league and altered the minimum length of the player’s shorts. This was the death knell for great basketball play. Baggy pants ruin everything they touch. Zoot suits turned gangsters into comedians. M.C. Hammer ruined rap music. Capri pants killed the NBA. Do you think Elgin Baylor would have been the Rookie of the Year if he didn’t wear tightpants? How the hell do you think Magic Johnson got his nickname? Pause[ll] to that last sentence.

Tightpants are what made an average player like Dennis Rodman into a Hall of Fame caliber player. To bad for Dennis that he was fucking crazy. Don’t blame the tightpants though. John Stockton, arguably the greatest point guard of all time wore tightpants well into the new millennium and for no other reason were the Utah Jazz still a competitive force. Let’s face it party people… Cocaine and tightpants made the Association what it is today. Provided that you don’t overdose on the former, and you don’t elongate the latter you might still have the greatest show on Earth. Word to Oscar Robertson.

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15 Responses to “Better Basketball = Extra Schmedium Shorts”

  1. BIGNAT says:

    you want the players to wear little shorts again?

  2. Lol @ BIGNAT!

    Maybe in some strange way, the street clothing becoming unusually tight is the spill over from the lack of basketball boy shorts? Something’s gota give.

    On a more serious note, I see the baggy trend has permeated the the MLB. I haven’t seen a stir-up in years. (Not that I’m looking or anything)

  3. LC says:

    I’m ghey for John Stockton….as a white basketball player, I think i’m allowed to say that, and I think every other white basketball player can say that. Also say they are lé gåy for Larry Bird. Two greatest, pastiest, players ever

    Short Shorts FTW! (i keep it baggy though)

  4. Boing Dynasty says:

    @DP – Kanye/Emmys? try again
    @LC – Technically your “allowed” to say whatever you want, but you in no way get a pass for any part of that comment. Then again your name is “Liam”, so there is a pretty good chance your “le gay” for alot of other guys, basketball abilities aside.

  5. MsOfficer says:

    Better Basketball also means…sleeping with ur teammates mom.

    http://msofficer.com/2010/05/22/motherlover/

    http://twitter.com/msofficer

  6. fuckudp says:

    Your site is so gay that the only fucking topic on sports u fucks can come up with is how tight and short mens pro bball shorts were. We’ve got the muthafucking nba semifinals going. The Lakers are finally in a series. The magic are about to poof into thin air and the Celtics are playing better than anyone. But instead were chatting bout how tight and short john stocktons shorts were.

    PS… Steve Nash has two mvp trophys. John Stockton has to share his with the mailman. Nash is the only player in league history to go three years str8 shooting above 50% fg 90% ft and 40% from 3pt. Not even muthafuckin larry bird did that.

    Last night at age 35 Nash had 17 points 15 assists 1 turnover
    He again made 2nd team all nba and was the starter for the West All Stars.

    Next time do your homework before making stupid comments about nash. The man single handedly made phoenix a contender when he came over from dallas. Dallas still to this day hasn’t fully recovered after losing nash.

  7. the_dallas says:

    Get Steve Nash’s ballsachs out of your mouf.

    The Mavs were able to get to a Finals after he was gone.

    Mavs postseason record w/o Nash (2004-2009) = 29-34 (and 1 Finals berth)
    Suns postseason record w/ Nash (2004-2009) = 25-25 (no Finals trips, but Nash has 2 MVPs?!?)

    There’s your research cockblower and my conclusion is Nash = very overrated.

    John Stockton >>> Steve Nash, earrrrrrly

  8. fuckudp says:

    If your purely judging players by finals appearances rather than off talent then you can say derrick fisher is better than nash.

    Nash has two MVPs. Doesn’t that count for something. Kobe has 1 becuz he just started playing team ball 2 years ago.

    Dallas made the finals that year off of luck. Had phoenix had Amare Dallas wouldve never made it that year. Take dirk off that mavs squad and they wouldve got swept. You had jason terry a fucking shooting guard/6thman as your starting point guard.

    U don’t think cuban hasn’t thought twice about not resigning nash.

    So far your reply to my comment has no barring on my point that Steve Nash is a better pg than stockton. You just sound like anothe Nash hater. Typical since your name is the Dallas. Why won’t you send a letter to mark cuban telling him to get erick dampiers dick outta his mouth.

    And finally while your at it get john stocktons dick outta your mouth Bitch.

  9. the_dallas says:

    Your screen name should be Shit4Brains because that is what you have between your ears.

    YOU said Dallas was worse without Nash and guess what they weren’t.

    YOU said Nash’s MVPs made him great but who gave him MVPs? The players or sportswriters? Just like Stockton didn’t ever win a title neither will Nash, but Stockton did more with less (as visible by his shorts [ll].)

    No one h8’s Nash, but real recognizes real and Nash is as unfamiliar as you are. My new screen name for you is Coward Johnson

  10. fuckudp says:

    You said Nash couldn’t carry Stoctons jockstrap. Real recognizes real and opinions are like assholes but ill take a real pro sportswriters opinion over yours anyone Allas.

    I’m calling you Allas now becuz we all know that Dallas had no D in the playoffs and couldn’t slow down Manu and an aging Spurs team. A Spurs team that was SWEPT by the Suns led by Nash.

    Which proves my point. If u think the Mavs are in better shape than the Suns without Nash than who really has shit4brains Allas?

  11. the_dallas says:

    The difference between me and you is that you are an anonymous coward sucking on Steve Nash cockjuice.

    If you knew a damn you might not have been too scared to put your name by your own opinion. Even a normal internets coward lame could have chosen a fake name.

    When it comes to heart, skill and gamesmanship John Stockton >>> Steve Nash. Ask anyone that knows some shit coward.

  12. fuckudp says:

    Women Lie Men Lie Numbers DON’T LIE

    Look it up dipshit Nashs #s at age 35 are better than Stocktons when he was the same age.

    Who’s carrying who’s jockstrap??

    As for being anonymous that’s bs. Like Dallas is really your real name lmao.

  13. the_dallas says:

    Ha!

    You’re a simpleton, AND an anonymous coward.

    What are Stockton’s career numbers compared to Nash?

    I’ma tell you what, you want to believe that Steve Nash is a better PG than Stockton I don’t need to continue this discussion since at the end of the day they are both losers.

  14. Henry says:

    Good stuff! Keep bringing it! 🙂

  15. Henry says:

    Hey, good stuff! Keep bringing it. 🙂

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