A big shout goes out to my financial adviser EXTRA P for figuring out the rating system of the BeYONCE Factor. Yes, we at the weblog use BeYONCE songs to rate celebrities on how close they compare to the most fabulous of all women in the universe – Ms. BeYONCE KNOWLES.

Here’s a quick rewind of the format for your information…
In parentheses are the factors that give someone a high or low score depending on how we rate them. If a subject does exceptionally well with a factor then they should receive the full allotment of points(100). I would like for you to add a factor of two if you could. We love BeYONCE here at the weblog but we don’t own any of her albums. BTW, we consider DESTINY’s CHILD as BeYONCE featuring two backup dancers.

1) Can you say her name – (how ‘Black’ sounding the name of the subject is scores the most points)
2) Can she pay her bills – (cash rules everything around us – does the subject have any?)
3) Is she a survivor – (has the subject had to endure scandal/controversy?)
4) Baby boy – (has the subject ever had an abortion?)
5) Cater to you – (would you want a backrub from the subject?)
6) Dangerously in love – (does the subject find themself in a
relationship that can’t last?)
7) Bootylicious – (this should speak for itself)

This is the BeYONCE Factor and today’s subject will be CONDOLEEZA RICE. Mrs. RICE does have a lot of things working in her favor like the fact that she has ascended to one of the greatest levels of modern American government that a person of African ancestry has seen. Unfortunately, Ms. RICE might argue with you about the whole African ancestry thing. No matter though, the BeYONCE Factor crosses all racial/socio-economic strata. To prove this we will also plug JESSICA SIMPSON into the Factor just to see her BeYONCE-tality. Here we go…

1) Can you say her name – 100 (only a sister could have this name)
2) Can she pay her bills – 100 (you best believe she owns stock in EXXON/MOBIL Corp)
3) Is she a survivor – 100 (anyone know what happened to COLIN POWELL?)
4) Baby boy – 0 (thank GOD that Roe v. Wade is already a law)
5) Cater to you – 0 (her idea of room service is sending a smartbomb thru your kitchen window)
6) Dangerously in love – 50 (you think she’s ever kissed GEORGE BUSH in the mouth?)
7) Bootylicious – 0 (only DARTH VADER would be attracted to the woman
pictured above)

8) Soldier – 100 (she’s got the whole U.S. military holding her down)

CONDOLEEZA RICE’s BeYONCE FACTOR totals – 450 points

JESSIE's girl
1) Can you say her name – 0
2) Can she pay her bills – 100 (MTV show, movie deals, lip-syncing engagements)
3) Is she a survivor – 0 (no street cred from this camp?)
4) Baby boy – 20 (since she is from Texas we gotta give her the benefit of the doubt)
5) Cater to you – 10 (she’s a sweet girl, but she prah’lee can’t boil water)
6) Dangerously in love – 60 (how many of us still speak to the person
that we lost our virginity with?)
7) Bootylicious – 60 (she’s got a nice little seat… for a white girl)

JESSICA SIMPSON’s BeYONCE FACTOR totals – 250 points

So as you can see from our continued experimentation, there is no one that can hold a candle close to BeYONCE KNOWLES.

2 Responses to “The BeYONCE Factor featuring CONDOLEEZA RICE and JESSICA SIMPSON”

  1. Randell says:

    Having read this I thought it was rather enlightening. I appreciate you
    finding the time and energy to put this information together.

    I once again find myself personally spending way too much time both reading and leaving comments.
    But so what, it was still worthwhile!

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