Editor’s note: The Ambassador is back with us for the new year.
Now don’t get it twisted, Virginia may be a Southern state, but it gets damn cold here during the wintertime. Probably just as cold as it gets up in DP’s neck of the woods, except with less snow. Or so I thought.
I know I’ve been lazy lately, and I know I’ve been sleeping a lot, but I didn’t think I was hibernating. However that’s the only explanation I can muster up that seems to explain the fact that I woke up this morning (er…afternoon) to the month of April.
Wait…it’s not really April? I’m awake right now? You mean I was outside this afternoon, chillin on the concrete step behind my place, eating my cereal in a wifebeater and no jacket…in January?! Now I know what you’re all thinking – global warming, Al Gore was right, “I wonder what the Ambassador looks like in a wifebeater?”. Yeah, don’t act like I don’t see you.
Well, according to the notoriously incorrect weather forecaster types on the local news, we Virginians have the West to thank for this wonderful weather. While our Cali friends are getting shitted on by rain and their homes are sliding down hills faster than Starbucks’ stocks before they replaced their CEO, we here in the usually-forgotten-about Mid-Atlantic are in paradise. Supposedly it has something to do with a warm front that the storm system out West is pushing across the country, but who needs technicalities when there’s springtime air to be inhaled?
I’m sure there are still a lot of you reading this who swear that this freak occurrence is caused by global warming, or as most scientists would more properly name it these days, global “climate change”. Well you know what I say? Hit up my cell phone the next time you’re having a house party, because I bet that you believers of the heat know how to set shit off. There is a
simple logic to this: the hotter it gets, the less clothes people wear. Well, at least if you’re not one of those white boys who goes outside in the snow in some shorts. That is one phenomenon that I have never been able to understand. Somebody enlighten me, please.
In all seriousness (or maybe not), climate change is a nudist’s dream come true. With a rise in average temperatures, I predict a rise in Victoria’s Secret stocks, gym memberships, and trips to the salon to get a Brazilian wax. Imagine taking a trip up to Canada in December and seeing the women walk around in miniskirts and the men out jogging in the morning shirtless? Oh, the possibilities.
So as I shed some layers in honor of this meteorologically gorgeous day, I’ll leave you with the poignant words of one Cornell Haynes Jr.: “It’s gettin’ hot in here, so take off all your clothes”. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some chlorofluorocarbons to spray in the general direction of the guy I just saw walking past my window.
HAMPTON ROADS, STAND UP!!!!
VA has some of the most schizo weather evar. It’s gonna be 70 today and tomorrow I’ll be breathing icicles.
I todl someone today this is school cuttin, call out sick weather.
*pullin out the grill*
Although I only have one bag of perch, one bag of talapia, a 50 count bag of shrimp, some vegetarian steak strips and soy bacon in my freezer, I think a January backyard BBQ is in order. Cuz it’s raining nuthin’ but sunshine my way.
I might even invite the neighbor over……….NOT!!!! Especially not after I seen him chasing down the garbage truck this morning in nothing but a white Tee, some socks and a Glad trashbag in his hand………….
*shudders*
In nothern VA close by to DC and the weather has been very nice. We was in the high 70s at one point while Los Angelas was only in the 50’s..scary shit. I can not remember when was the last time I could walk outside, light up a Newport without a jacket and skully on.
Big Homie – you’re in NOVA? Welcome to the club. And I’m about to go outside and enjoy this shit. Perhaps I’ll see you around.
As the old saying goes……..
If you don’t like the weather in Virginia……….
Wait 15 minutes.
Yo, it really does feel like spring break down here. I aint complaing or questioning why the weather feels this warm. I’ma just enjoy it.
Out here in Fairfax, VA, we are roastin’!
dubble – you in school? in Fairfax by any chance?
Global warming – Finally an excuse to make like Prince and buy a pair of ass-less pants for all the ladies . . . Although I think that might make the problem worse.
PG county was nice today. Supposed to be decent again tomorrow. I’m really waitin’ for April to come around. Damn all this cold sh*t.
Ambassador – I’m working for the military in Fairfax – at least for a short while longer. I graduated from Cornell in ’95.