Are you kids doing your best for our boys overseas? If you are reading this crappy blog instead of fighting with a horde of ravenous holiday shoppers you are not being too patriotic. Put on your Polo sweater with the American flag knitted on the front side and get your azz into the mix. It’s extremely important that you go further into debt this fourth quarter since real estate values are already dipping and I’m sure the stock market will follow suit. American corporations need us to pledge allegiance to all the plastic cards inside of our wallets. Even if you decide not to mosh with the hordes of people with suspect hygiene customs you can still use the internets and the television to submit your offering to the Gross Domestic Product. The objective is to keep Wall Street thinking that we actually have money to pay for our shit so that it doesn’t devalue everything and cause us to pay $50 for an apple.
China could help us out too by not trying to bring so many Third World nations into solvency. What is the Chinese’s problem anyhoo? Didn’t they get an advance copy of DARWIN’s ‘Natural Selection For Global Economics’? There’s a reason all these African and South American countries are shit poor. GOD designed it that way. These countries are still dealing with tadpole and monkey based economies. They haven’t evolved to our level yet. All China is accomplishing by helping to remove these countries from the supervision of the International Monetary Fund is merely a cosmetic facelift. Just like when that alien race came to Earth and helped the Egyptians build the pyramids. And look what happened after the aliens left? The Egyptians went right back to hating on the Jews.
Stay out of the way of the baby carriage pictured above this holiday season. It’s called the Bug-A-Boo and it is owned by only the richest, most elitist, high powered uteri on the planet. These ladies are so paid in full that they usually have a Black jamaican slave push their seedling around. When these broads hit the streets with their babies they demand that you get out of their way. If you thought MICHAEL ‘KRAMER’ RICHARDS had a bad mouth then you should see one of these people after they’ve spilled their latte on the calfskin suede Burberry riding jacket. This is what I get for trying to shop at Crate & Barrel anyhoo. Fifty years ago I’d be hanging from a crate and barrel… yeah. It’s just that I hate shopping with Black people. They remind me that our destiny is that of the wretched of the Earth when you place idols before GOD.
You already know that Black folks are spending a gang of paper on some Air Jordans. That’s a recorded fact by the study groups that track jig spending habits. Black mothers are treating their sons to these overpriced gaming systems too. Along with that these ladies will give their kids a copy of Grand Theft Auto so that they can get in some practice before they attempt to jack someone’s car in real life. But the number one selling items will be for the Black babies. Long before these bastards are taught to speak or read they are branded. This is why they become problems as pubescents and adolescents because they are used to being branded and not too many parents can afford Ed Hardy clothing for a teenager. So if you want to avoid Black holiday shoppers like MICHAEL ‘KRAMER’ RICHARDS does you need to stay a mile away from Foot Locker, Toys’R’Us and A Child’s Place. For that matter, avoid any store with Lay-A-Way.
London don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, and have never heard of a Black Friday until today. You learn something everyday, I think the saying goes.
Dallaspenn stays teaching the kids.
P.S. why is this day called Black Friday, surely if you people get into debt, via being turned into rabid consumers overnight, shouldn’t the day be called Red Friday. Mmm, sounds like another conspiracy to keep the Black man down, properly not, but still.
Happy Black Friday.
^Nigeria,
great questions all around. I forgot that DP Dot Com is international so I need to explain some of our subject matter more thoroughly for those of y’all that aren’t totally familiar with American customs
Black Friday is where Americans put their retailers ledgers into the black(positive) side of earnings. I don’t doubt that these retailers were already doing well, but on Black Friday this is their single greatest day of receipts for the entire year. LM knows everything and he can prah’lee tell us the amount of capital in trillions that is moved today.
Black Friday should be an homage to Black people since we spend so much of our income on things that don’t appreciate in value or regenerate wealth, essentially crap.
If we called today Red Friday it would be an acknowledgement of the poor financial condition of the masses, furthermore of the despair of consumerism and capitalism overall, plus Red Friday sounds like a communist holiday.
DP, I know you write stuff that’s close to my heart. This is classic in that sense. To all who are interested in building community, keep your desperate financial methods for necessities like food/Deer Park, gas for car/Metrocard, toilet paper/toothbrush… gifts are nice but seriously, see what happens when there’s nothing for the ones you love (and who love you).
I’ll leave it at that.
nice post….
the bugaboo stroller is wild. damn.
what’s china’s secret weapon? it has nothin to do with nuclear power. yeah, maybe they’re lookin for a dollar, but they’re the only country to take africa seriously and the only country to attempt to bring all of the african nations together. once all of china’s trinkets are bought in africa, that’ll be the day china wins WWIII
that was some real talk cuzzo. The history of the cracker origin is deep too. very informative site. when you gonna write a book, novel or something? You did you hear the new hov?
^thats really my cousin