FrankenBerry Is The G.O.A.T. Breakfast Cereal…

frankenberry

Ever since Passion of the Weiss and Straight Bangin’ put together their G.O.A.T. Hip-Hop albums list I been straight up list crazy. Okay that’s not true because I have always been list crazy and today’s crazy list is for all the breakfast cereals that are so good, because they are so loaded with sugar that if I ate a salad bowl of one of these joints now I would go into a diabetic coma. Youth might be wasted on the young, but breakfast cereal and Saturday morning cartoons at my great-grandmother’s house are my earliest thoughts of heaven.

I don’t care what any of you say. FrankenBerry is that CRACK! Count Chocula and BooBerry were aight, but FrankenBerry was the fuckin’ truth. Just peep how Frank is on the front of the box beasting out over a bowl. Niggas eyes is at half mast from all that purple. Them joints would stay at just the right crunch in milk too. If I ran one of these fuckin’ industrial companies that made weapons in one division and breakfast cereal in another I would make kiddie cereal for adults. Reduce the sugar by adding real fruit or some shit. I don’t know how they do it and I don’t need to know. I’m the idea man and my ideas flow way better with a big ass bowl of FrankenBerry.

king vitamin

Most of y’all younger cats is too green to remember King Vitaman but this joint was another one of them Saturday morning treats that my great-grandmother used to lace me with. I used to be jumping all over her crib and climbing the walls like my ass was a gotdamned monkey.

lucky

Fuck what you heard! Lucky Charms was gooder than a muvv up in that muvv. Lucky Charms was that shit to make your milk change colors too because it was sprayed with so much powdered sugar. To this day I could eat like two of them little five dollar boxes in a weekend (Sat-Sun). And why does cereal cost so damn much now?

smack

That’s exactly what these joints were… Smack. Sugarized puffs of rice and a fuckin’ Puerto Rican coqui frog who dresses like a horse junkie. Shit tasted good though. Word is bond.

wheaties

Frosted Wheaties were the shit because regular Wheaties were fucking boring and them shits would sogg out in two seconds. It was like eating wet cardboard. When the T.I.’s put that sugar on the Wheaties them shits became sweetened mushy cardboard. Deee lish.

mini wheats

When I got a little older I started to feel a kind of way about going to the supermercado and buying kiddie cereal so I butched up my style with the Frosted Mini Wheats. One time I made the mistake of filling my bowl with these joints. I damn near cracked my jawbone trying to eat all these joints. The real plus was that I took a rope of a shit.

49 Responses to “FrankenBerry Is The G.O.A.T. Breakfast Cereal…”

  1. LM Says:

    Coqui!!

    You da man.

  2. dpgc Says:

    Captain Crunch FTW.

  3. ElGringoColombiano Says:

    FYI the Fake News GOAT Jon Stuart said that ReThug Pres candidate & bad actor Fred Thompson looks like that FranckenBerry dude.

    BTW the GOAT cereal is Raisin Nut Bran.

  4. I Fux aka Willy Swagger Says:

    I fux with Fruity Pebbles or Mini Wheats, No Special K diet

    http://www.weightlossresources.co.uk/diet/cereal.htm

  5. I Fux aka Willy Swagger Says:

    ohhh ya Crunch Berries are straight up crack

  6. dubble13 Says:

    FrankenBerry was my all time FAV-O-RITE.

    There is nothing like Cap’n Crunch with “blue crunchberrys” to turn your stool neon blue or green…

    I never liked Lucky Charms, but it seems like most Black folk are addicted to it…

    I still eat my Frosted Mini Wheats in the morning….we old folks gotta stay regular…hahahahaha

    BTW: Don’t sleep on the classic Apple Cinnamon Cheerios!

  7. dubble13 Says:

    Oh yeah.. every Halloween, they bring Frankenberry back from the dead (bad pun, sorry) at the local supermakets, and Walmarts that sell food… That’s when you gotta buy a years supply!

  8. P-Matik Says:

    “…and a fuckin’ Puerto Rican coqui frog who dresses like a horse junkie.”

    LMAO *choke!*

  9. nerditry Says:

    Fruity Pebbles. Be all, end all. The milk even tastes like something you should mix some cocaines into.

    Don’t sleep on Cracklin Oat Bran. It’s the only cereal that’s technically bad for you. Saturated fat floats to the top of the bowl.

  10. averagebro Says:

    Sunday, all that sugar will kill you main man. You better get familiar with Kashi and Sunbelt.

  11. cajun peach Says:

    LMAO how about I still buy Frankenberry’s – courtesy of WalMart. They have every cereal ever made! Rice Krispies and Frosted Flakes with my own extra added sugar is that sh8t

  12. thoreauly77 Says:

    yo dallas- i always hated cereal, still do. i always have cheese bread and fruit. i bet you wanted to know about my breakfast routine, so there you have it sir. oh and hey, did you catch my drop @ belize’s blog? thoughts?

  13. Amadeo Says:

    Frosted mini-wheats are the joint…that’s the last cereal I bought.

  14. Meka Soul Says:

    um, cinnamon toast crunch, anyone?

  15. Dart_Adams Says:

    Nothing holds a candle to Cap’n Crunch, Honey Nut Cheerios or Lucky Charms…Cinnamon Toast Crunch is dope but you can’t use a lot of milk or it’ll get soggy mad quick. I’ve had Cap’n Crunch cut up the roof of my mouth for 31 years now…I’d take Count Chocula over Franken Berry, too. Good one, Dallas.

    One.

  16. Cashus Clay Says:

    Two words for yall Corn Pops

  17. eauhellzgnaw Says:

    I used to F with:

    Cinnamon Toast Crunch
    Ohs
    Lucky Charms
    Cocoa Puffs
    Raisin Bran Crunch
    Waffle Crisp

    Nowadays I eat the granola type cereals with dried fruit. Trader Joes, anybody?

    I gotta agree that the coated raisins in Raisin Nut Bran are ill. That shit is too pricey, though.

    All varieties of Cap’n Crunch would be at the top if it didn’t act like jagged glass on the roof of your mouth.

  18. LL(not the rappa) Says:

    lol…umm I loved fruit loops.tucan sam the man!

  19. MrFan Says:

    Man hold up- that old school Lucky has the red ass alcoholic cheeks!! Aww man- I can’t get smacks anymore in Texas, and I just tried Frankenberry this year and damn if ain’t the best cereal alive. Golden Crisp bear is an O.G.- so is the cereal. And Honey Combs- sheeeit. I fuck with Tony the Tiger sometimes. Favorite cereal ever…. wait .. for … it..
    Mr.Ts- i pity the fool

  20. Big Homie Says:

    Cinnamon Toast Crunch should of been added to that list.

    Whatever Kay Slay was eating while dropping bombs in the toilet, shouldnt be..lol

  21. coqui Says:

    lmao @ “That’s exactly what these joints were… Smack. Sugarized puffs of rice and a fuckin’ Puerto Rican coqui frog who dresses like a horse junkie. Shit tasted good though. Word is bond.” cuz that been the alias for six damn years. My moms loves them shits.

    I fucks with Honey Bunches of Oats w Almonds. That shit is a status symbol to me B.

  22. ElGringoColombiano Says:

    Yo whatup my e-nemesis eauhellzgnaw!

    I have argued with you many times at BC (using the NoMamesBuey handle).

    For once we agree completely on something: you co-signed my take on Raising Nut Bran being an ill cereal. LOL.

  23. the_dallas Says:

    ^ Proof that DP Dot Com is bringing people together (nullus)

  24. Chris Says:

    what a great post…although i never fucked with the frosted mini-wheats (not enough sugar)

  25. Candice Says:

    I indulge in some Frosted Mini Wheats now that I am older but I used to BEG my mom for some Lucky Charms…..that was like pure sugar in a bowl. DELISH….

  26. bfnh Says:

    no. Count Chocula sons frankenberry. the pink shit hasn’t been edible since, like, ’92. they switched the flavor up. just like they fucked up trix when they went to the fruit shapes.

    i keep a box of frosted mini wheats around for when i gotta take a dump. just like grandma used to keep a flask of prune juice & caopectate.

    and, for the record, Cocoa puffs are the best.

  27. Misha Says:

    Werent they called diggum smacks at some point? and remember the commercial, where that frog had a mad raspy voice, just like Eddie Cane in 5 Heartbeats? Makes you wonder what was in that ish

  28. prynsex Says:

    Yall don’t remember shit about ‘SMURF BERRY CRUNCH’ now that was the GOAT. Sad I still remember the damn song.

    King Vitamin was the shit too.

    Never liked (and still don’t) Frosted Mini Wheats, Corn Pops, Smacks (they look like small vitaligo’d roaches) and anything Puffed, that being, wheat, corn, oats and but not limited to rice.

    I do wanna give a few honorable mention shout outs to my Niggas (in no particular order):

    Boo Berry
    Capn’ Crunch – berries, original, peanut butter
    Apple Jacks
    Wheaties
    Frosted Flakes
    Waffle Crisp
    Coooookie Crisp
    Raisin Bran Crunch
    Fruity Pebbles
    Honey Bunches of Oats
    Blueberry Muffin Tops
    Kashi – any brand

    And those I can’t think of right now………………………..

    But the price of gasoline has deterred me from eating anything but water and a small kiwi fruit.

  29. sasha Says:

    my momma would beat ass if anyone ate her capn crunch so i have very few memories with dude.

    i stayed on apple jacks and cocoa krispies. yum yum delicioso! but cinnamon toast crunch and lucky charms got dealt with too if i was fienin some sugar.

    for the record king vitamin is still in full effect in the midwest. i’d never seen or heard of dude. i took a picture with homeboy at the grocery store awhile back. they have mad malt-o-meal brand knock-offs. honey nut scooters instead of cheerios. and pranks instead of trix. funniest shit ever. my momma kept me in only the finest name brand cereals. eff yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  30. CesMoney Says:

    great post. took me back and made me hungry. Please extend it to include awesome/lame cereal mascots.

    Where’s smooth ass Sugar Bear? That dude was the chillest. He was never trying to jack some kids cereal and getting played like a herb. He was just him, spreadin the word on the Golden Crisps.

    and remember the cop/robber/dog trifecta for Coooookie Crisp? What kinda crime and punishment shit is this? It was like an episode of Cops on the back of the box

  31. Kin Corn Karn Says:

    Damn, Smurf Berry Crunch was the sheeitt! I was a sucker for any gimmick cereal like Donkey Kong Cereal, which was just Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch in the shape of barrels, but Smurf Berry was on point. I coulda swore there was a version of Crunchberries that had nothing but the berries but maybe I dreamt that.

  32. B Says:

    Holy trinity of cereals…

    Kix-kid tested, mother approved.

    Count Chocula-was, is and always will be the truth when it comes to pulling you out of a saturday morning/afternoon coma to face the world.

    Fruit Loops-milk always looked like an acid trip by the end of the bowl. shit was the best to eat dry too, just pop them in your mouth (nullus).

    Now cereal costs more per ounce than a brick, wtf?

  33. the_dallas Says:

    I’m writing to GM to as the mto make a box of cereal that has FrankenBerry, BooBerry and the CountChocula all in one box. Whoever’s riding with me let’s see if we can make this shit happen grown folk style.

    I did forget to mention Smurf Berry Crunch for a reason. Deep in my subconcious I had a thing for Smurfette.

  34. prynsex Says:

    Kix cereal was punishment.

    You had to put so much sugar in that cereal that when you finished you still had milk and sugar in the bottom of your bowl.

    So much sugar in fact, the milk was clear!

    And now after 100 years they want to add Red #5, Yellow #36, Blue #7 and Green #52 color dye to make it happen.

    Kix was not the biz.

  35. prynsex Says:

    LOL

    Smurfette was a slut.

    She let everyone in Smurfville hit. Even Papa Smurf…….they traded off smurf berries in the process.

  36. Kin Corn Karn Says:

    Kix was pretty bad but it had nothing on Puffed Rice! That shit was horrible! I remember I spent the night at one of my friends house as a kid and we had Puffed Rice with powered milk in the morning. Worst. breakfast. ever.

  37. prynsex Says:

    Kix, Puffed Rice and powdered milk go hand in hand……..GROSS

  38. ElGringoColombiano Says:

    Yo Dallas this cereal post is an instant classic.

    I think this “what is the GOAT cereal” is an excellent topic for a future “Internets Celebrities” short vid.

    Even Mikey from Life cereal would love that ish.

  39. MrFan Says:

    “just like grandma used to keep a flask of prune juice & caopectate.”
    damn that shit is funny to me….
    Mr.T cereal, I’m telling ya – hardbody. Oh yeah and my 80s baby home boy Yummy Mummy.. what.

  40. thoreauly77 Says:

    damn, 39 comments for cereal? next drop should be about best swap meets! maybe thats just for us cali peoples? my daughter by the way gets the regular ol cheerios, cause fixing teeth is crazy expensive and i don’t want her to go through that shiznat!

  41. Combat Jack Says:

    raisin bran Organic. sorry, but i no want diabetes!

  42. sasha Says:

    @ kin corn

    the.shit.was.called.”oops all crunchberries”. that was when my mom taught me the double up. swear to god i still aint get to taste none though. struck me as nastee. they may still do it me thinks.

    and KIX was the shit. as someone who dinnit really love super sweet all the time. plus the fact that the shit came compliments of wic. i stayed on kix when i went to my cousin n them house. liked it so much i asked momma for a box. she still jokes me about ‘the welfare cereal’. poor ppl crazy.

  43. twerkolator Says:

    ^they also have “Oops! Choco Donuts”

    for some reason i feel that deserves a no homo…

  44. eauhellzgnaw Says:

    “Yo whatup my e-nemesis eauhellzgnaw!

    I have argued with you many times at BC (using the NoMamesBuey handle).”

    I got nothing against you, young fella. Good luck on the blog.

  45. zillz Says:

    my pops loved sugar smacks. i couldn’t wrap my 5 yr old brain around putting sugar on wheat rice.

    moms loved frosted flakes.

    i was a golden graham fanatic. fuck raisin bran son 1000!

  46. Ian Says:

    “Slidin’ off like King Vitaman…”- Pretty Tone

  47. lola gets Says:

    Man, I have never heard of Vitamin King in my life – and I think we’re in the same age group!
    lol
    But I do love me some Lucky Charms, but I havent had that in a while.

    Great post!
    L

  48. thesaint Says:

    Capn Crunch for ever…I only ate King vitamin when my Mom’s was on the WIC checks…

  49. tracyaddington Says:

    one morning i had to go to work at 5:00 a.m. so i woke at 4:20,i thought this world was perfect till i remembered that they still dont make count chocula,boo-berry,frankenberry i really need those freaks back in my life!tracy a.

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