HAPPY HANUKKAH BITCHES!

Mack and the Mackabees

Say what you want to about Hebrews but give us our props for having the most kick azz holiday stretch of any of the major religions. Okay, okay, the coptic Christians that go from Christmas to Three Kings Day have two weeks of balling out, but Hanukkah is still the bomb because we get to use fire.

Our holiday is the celebration of pushing back the wigs of the Greek soldiers that were occupying the holy land. Back in those days the Greeks had a whole military industrial complex to die for (literally). They had a navy and an army and they were into shit like coming up into your living room and taking your television and your goats and the what not.

My great-great-great grandfathers were tired of the Greeks beasting out their property so they made some of the occupiers lean back. This started a whole war thing. Since the Greeks had like all the good tanks and helicopters my people would have to throw their rocks and then run into the mountains to hide out. The Greeks were hating on my folks bigtime by calling them militants, terrorists, insurgents and all kinds of other misnomers. It was a bad scene. Many Hebrews were killed and enslaved.

my peeps

The tide turned after the Greeks ran up inside the temple in Jehrusalem and started wildin’ out. The Greeks tried to make the temple a sanctuary for their homie Zeus and that is when all hell broke loose. Everyone in the ‘hood flipped out on the Greeks including all the old folks. With their rocks and sticks they pushed the Greeks back into the sea.

The temple was in shambles, but my peoples decided to make a big party out of the repairing of the house of the Lord. It took them only one quarter cycle of the moon to complete the renovations, but we have been arguing about who did the most work ever since.

9 Responses to “HAPPY HANUKKAH BITCHES!”

  1. 6 100 says:

    DP, you a black Isrealite?

    Them cats are the best. Unless you’re a caucazoid. Then it’s just hilarious.

    Off on a Hebrew based tangent. . . I read that the hottest, fastest growing porn fetish is. . . Jew Broads. It was in Maxim, so I gotta believe it.

  2. Ivan says:

    Join the celebration:

    http://hiphopisread.blogspot.com/search/label/D.I.T.C.%20Mega-Posts

    GangStarr for nights 2, 3 & 4. Pac at 5. Nights 6, 7 and 8 are a surprise.

  3. getthesenets says:

    a yo… anybody else notice this growing up?

    reporters and people on tv had no problem pronoucing Hanukkah, BUT they’d always butcher Min Frarakhan’s last name..

    as Farrah-can..

    ——————

    Black Israelites be out here…..looking like the Soul Sonic Force…dance sucker…(dance sucker)

  4. the_dallas says:

    Take a few days to get your temple in order and get prepared for all the work in front of you

  5. BIGNAT says:

    “Black Israelites be out here…..looking like the Soul Sonic Force…dance sucker…(dance sucker)”
    soul sonic force? i must be to young to know what that is

  6. Tony Grands says:

    @BIGNAT

    Damn NAT. Sounds like you have some important research to do. Aren’t you from New York?

  7. FrankTruth says:

    Black Israelite is a tad redundant. Hebrew is more accurate.
    AND them black israelite cats are protards. “snackin and rib tips and saying peace god.”

  8. Combat Jack says:

    Huzzah!

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