On Sunday I kicked off my most earnest diet program to date. I am eating nothing but fruits(no homo) and vegetables and I am not drinking alcohol or sugar-flavored beverages. I will also be sniffing an eight ball of cocaine every four days and smoking a pack of red box Marlboro cigarettes at least once a day. I took a cue from the famous low-carb SCARSDALE DIET and I named my program after the neighborhood where the idea popped into my head. I call my program the BILLS’BURG DIET because it reminds me of how I think all these artist types in Williamsburg manage to remain so slim. It would be unrealistic to expect me to shed all the weight I want to by the time Summerstage rolls around but I hope to have my face drawn in considerably which would give me a slimming look. Wish me luck.