As the death toll mounts for Hurricane Starrkeysha my mind turns over with the thoughts of a true card carrying Republican. How can I get paid from all this shit?!? There are billions upon billions of dollars in personal property loss and damages and I am sitting here in New York City, broke as a joke. There has got to be some kind of way that I can profit from all of these poor ‘Bamas misery. Hell, its the American way.
I considered going to CostCo and buying a grip of OREO cookies, seedless grapes and quarter-waters, putting them all in a ziploc bag, driving down to Louisiana’s InterState 10 and then selling them at the long lines at the gas stations as ‘RESCUE SQUAD DINNER PACKS’. But then I was reminded of a verse by the great poet, KHALIL ALMUSTAFA, who asked, “are quarter-waters even REAL juice?”
That wouldn’t be too black of me to take advantage of folks. Getting rich or dying while trying is just some more T.I. propaganda. I am not trying to trivialize the situation either. I do have a couple of solutions to helping my peeps in the Derrrrty get back on their feet and I submit these to the universe totally free of charge.
1) CONVICTS – New York Governor (and fellow Republican) GEORGE PATAKI has just signed a bill into law that may commute the sentences of inmates convicted of minor drug offenses. This is a good thing since there are many people in prison up here serving a longer sentence for selling an eight-ball (3.5 grams of cocaine/heroine) than for real crimes like rape and homicide. This is a bad thing because there is a possibility of returning more Black Men to NYC where the jobless rate for them is one of the highest in the country. I propose that one of the parole board conditions for freeing these men be that they enlist in a FEMA Job Corps program. This way these men can receive some kind of practical vocational training so that if and when they return to NYC they won’t have to break into my car to make ends meet. I believe they should be paid cash for their services and the proper differentials for the job task they do. In other words, if they work during evenings they should receive a night differential and if they have to handle dead bodies they should receive a hazardous waste differential, etc. This way we don’t return throngs of old azz Black Men back to the streets with nothing but the dreams of being the newest member of G-UNIT. One old azz TONY YAYO is enough.
2) MEXICANS – Lawnmowing and landscaping season is slowing down up here in N.Y. We have almost as many Mexicans up here as Mexico does so I feel like we can afford to give a few to the Bayou. Mexicans are completely different from Spanish-type peoples because of their background and their work ethic. Spanish-type peoples like the Dominicans, Columbians and Puerto Ricans all have a bit of African in them and this makes them lazy and shiftless. The European lineage inside Spanish-type peoples is what makes them all so much into anal sex. Go figure. Mexicans are part Injun and since the Injuns and Eskimoes walked across Russia to come here they have this incredible work ethic and pain threshold. The advantage for Mexicans to working in Mississippi means that they are closer to their home base, Texas, where they go to re-energize and get a change of clothes. So now they won’t have to spend long hours in the back of some 18-wheeler on the way up the East coast. They can just walk back to Texas when they want.
stop hating on mexicans. they are coming back for what’s theirs anyway. remember a little guy called columbus (yeah we all know it’s a scam about him being the discoverer) but he does represent the idea of colonization. and for what it’s worth, i would say mexicans are capitalizing off of the “white man’s” greed. they are eating my friend. they are replenishing the land with native blood, which was depleted many moons ago. the universe always balances itself out. millions died. i think it’s only fair that thousands come.
it wasn’t mexicans, it was indians. and they already own a major league team. between that and the casinos, they’re set. i say loot away — it’s the closest anyone’s getting to their 40 acres anyway. not that they can do anything with it. it’s the thought that counts.
I am jealous because the the Injuns have kick azz logos for all their pro sports teams. The BlackHawks hockey jersey is still hot. I can’t wait until there are so few actual jigs left in America that they name a professional sports team after them, like say the Carolina Coons, or the Jacksonville Jigs.