I haven’t smacked the crap out of a woman in a long azz time, but my chances are looking better now that I have a girlfriend, and now that the NFL football season is beginning.
Back in June we talked about BURGER KING becoming one of the league’s top sponsors and then blahkow! some young lineman has a coronary. Too many Whoppers in his diet has been the whispered rumor. I can relate to ol’ boy too because I am a lardazz without the multi-million dollar contract. That is why I get my Slurpee with crushed Lipitor.
Eating like a pig is definitely a fun tasty part of the the football season, but being a domestic pig is the creamy part. Blacking your ladyfriends’ eyes and puffing up her lips are all permissible parts of the game for Sunday afternoons. I once broke a girls leg because she tried to kiss the inside of my ear during a Patriots-Dolphins game.
Looks like I am not the only person that gets that ‘loving feeling’ during gametime. Some nerds at Indiana University did a 5-year study through 14 N.F.L. cities regarding the incidence of domestic violence and its proximity to the professional football season. The cities that lead in incidents were Kansas City, Cleveland, Indianapolis, Cincinnati and New Orleans.
HA! That’s no wonder. All those cities football teams suck!
Ladies, you may want to consider relocating yourself to a city with a decent football team. Otherwise this might be the line you hear the most this winter…
“BITCH! Don’t have me smack you! Micheal Vick is on the set!”