dallaspenn.com

Editor’s note: There’s been a nice buzz going for the new FRANK MILLER film ‘300’ based on his graphic novel of the same title. The story is a fictionalized account of the battle or Thermopylae. The legend of story is that a small number of Spartan warriors were able to withstnd an onslaught of Persian troops long enough for Greek reinforcements to join the war and push back the Persian invaders. The story is used at academies like West Point to illustrate to cadets the strategies needed when fighting ground advances. Since this is a film that deals with the heat of battle I enlisted the help of everyone’s favorite guest blogger who knows a thing or two about the art of war, COMBAT JACK, to review the film and tell us if it is brings the fire…

Back in the late 1970’s, early 1980’s, other than effin’ with a fledgling new music genre now known as Hip Hop and trying to get wet with some young Brooklyn female thoroughbreds, I discovered the Michael Jordan of comics, the legendary artist/writer FRANK MILLER. Dude was a then new jack who took over one of Marvel Comics’ then worst titles DAREDEVIL (which was on the verged of being canceled) and flipped it so that thousands of kids like me who didn’t even mess with MATT MURDOCK, had us lining up like base heads for our monthly fix. After his run on Daredevil, Miller revolutionized the art form known then as comic books by revamping the history of DC Comics iconic character BATMAN, single handedly creating the media platform now known as the GRAPHIC NOVEL (which is a cooler and more mature sounding term for comic books). As a true Miller fan, I’ve since picked up and read everything that he dropped over the years (RONIN, SIN CITY, 300, MARTHA WASHINGTON, etc). Anyways, when fam Dallas Penn let me know that he had tickets for the premiere mid-nite showing of 300 in Brooklyn last week, it was a no-brainer for Combat Jack to lace up his boots and hop in a cab.

Now out of all of Frank Miller’s work, 300, like Ronin, were what I would consider to be dude’s experimental pieces. Not whack, but different in the sense that I could give a rat’s ass about anything related to Greek history, especially in comics. Now Greek with a nice supple Latina from the Bronx, much more interesting. Anyway’s 300, the movie, is closely based on Miller’s graphic novel which tells the tale of the historic Greek Battle of Thermopylae in which King Leonidas (Gerald Butler) leads his miniscule army of 300 Spartan soldiers to fight the ginormous Persian army (like 1,000,000 + dudes, giant rhinos, ninjas, elephants and plain fucked up and deformed giants) led by its 8 foot gaylord “god” king Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro). The flick lets you know off the bat how mannish the Spartan clique is, being that their culture straight breeds warriors and if a male newborn seems a bit frail in the pants, their asses literally get chucked off a cliff to their death onto a dead baby reject pile. Anyways, the very gay Xerxes, intent on making Persia the world’s only superpower and Greece his lil’ bitch, has given the Greeks an ultimatum, “get down or lay down!” Before taking action, Leonidas decides to get council from the Ephors, leperous like mystics who keep young scantily clad hard nippled female Oracles around to determine the future of Greece, as well as the Greek council, consisting of the lesser hard body dudes, steered by slimo politician Theron (Dominic West who plays “McNulty of “The Wire” fame), both who advise the king that going against Persia is like going against an army with a handgun. Unwilling to be subserviant to any man and not wanting to get a stiffy up his batty hole from Xerxes, Leonidas gathers up 300 of his best soldiers to see exactly what the other side is made of.

Straight up, if you smoke weed, smoke before you see this and if you drink, then guzzle up because the effin special effects on this beast is way off the effin’ charts. Taking a cue from Robert Rodriguez’s adaptation of Frank Miller’s “Sin City”, director Zack Snyder stays true to Miller’s original work, creating a blend of live action shot against virtual backgrounds painted in muted sepia toned colors which constantly remind the viewer that this piece is based on a graphic novel. The music comes correct in that, for a period piece, what we get is a blend of classic orchestral and hard core heavy metal score. Even though 300 is based on history, the characters, and there’s a lot of effin characters, are definitely out of some comic book shit. The Spartans are all chiseled and oiled up like a Chippendale’s line up (nullus), the chicks are mad anatomically correct, all perky taa taa’d and apple bottomed, the brothers (and there’s a few jigs in the piece) are all blue black, bald headed and baritone voiced and the deformed are just plain fucked up!!!

Now for the best part. The battle scenes are just GLORIOUS!!! Using normal time to slow motion and back to speed segments, the fight scenes are just plain brutal. Understand that this is an epic battle that took place when dudes had all types of swords, staves, spears, arrows, axes, shields and other types of medieval weaponry. What that all means is that dudes get cut. Dudes get stabbed. Dudes get hacked. Dudes get dismembered. Dudes get pin cushioned by showers of effin’ enemy arrows. Dudes get beheaded. Dudes get impaled. Man, dudes get fucked the fuck up!!! With that, like in Miller’s work, there’s no shortage of blood gushing and seeing all types of innards. You see and hear clavicles getting crunched. Getting stabbed in the eye? No effin problem! Speared through the throat? Coming right up! Want to lose the leg or the arm? Sure, why not. The cool shit about all of this though, is that contrary to how this all sounds, there’s nothing gratuitous about the full tray of carnage served with this feast. The blood comes off looking like how it’d look like drawn on paper or in a video game, once again muted and cgi’d but in a cool way and not fake looking. Plus the fact that cats are rage fighting it out FOR DAYS, face to face, up close and mad personal, the level of violence inflicted on fellow man is understandable. I also have to mention that the fight choreography on these scenes are just plain beautiful! The Greeks come off with a stiff and rigid style (nullus) when fighting in “Phalanx” formation, but flip to fluid and graceful when they disperse and break formation. Some of the scenes even reminded me of some of the early kung-fu, Shogun Assassin flicks I used to check back in the day on 42nd Street, when New York City was New York City.

I’ve since seen 300 twice, so I’d be remiss not to mention some of the cons. There’s a strong homoerotic undercurrent and even though Combat Jack is man enough not to be homophobic, I sometimes felt like it was way obvious that the TI’s in Hollywood wanted to lock in their gay constituency. Second, the brothers (Blacks), like everything in Hollywood today, just keep getting dissed the fuck up. Niggas straight up get no types of respect in this piece. Thirdly, although the more dramatic moments of this piece create a convincingly loving relationship between Leonidas and his kick ass and lovely Queen Gorgo (Lena Headey), the director could have saved some of the related drama scenes for his momma.

Overall, this is an over the top classic action piece flavored with strong themes of honor, glory and love. Think of it as a less epic blockbuster like GLADIATOR or LORD OF THE RINGS on acid (in a good way). If you’re into this type of shit, or if you’re looking for something different (this shit is definitely different) 300 is a mos def joint to catch. I will be looking out for this one on DVD. Out of a possible 5 lit blunt rating, 300 gets a firm 4 blunts!

Oh, and yeah Dallas…

Frank Miller > John Byrne

This entry was posted on Friday, March 9th, 2007 at 8:20 pm and is filed under Ghetto Celebs, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Straight Laced, T.O.N.Y., The Guest Room. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.