Being the Baddest Motherfucker Of All Time is like the highest award you can achieve. Evar! It’s like you melted your Nobel prize and your Grammy award and then poured the moten metal on top of an Oscar. Then the Queen of England knighted you. That is how big being on the DP Dot Com B.M.F.O.A.T. list is. Real talk. So you can’t blame people for trying to crack the list which will cement their legacy of badness.
You have to have the most depraved sense of humanity if you are going to be a B.M.F.O.A.T. and you need the tools around you to help you properly execute your plans of terror. A lot of people fall short of badness greatness. Yeah, they’re bad and the whole nine, but they aren’t great at being bad. They are still in the minor leagues of bad azz talent. They are the the second stringers on Team Badd Ass. The following list is dedicated to the bench warmers to the badness crown.
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MOJO JOJO What good is being a genetically engineered genius primate if you can’t keep your azz from being pwned by elementary schoolgirls? MOJO JOJO has a swankier lab than the Professor and he still can’t seem to get his shit straight. This also reminds me… How effin’ hot is Ms.BELLUM? |
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RASHEED WALLACE RASHEED has tons of technical fouls, but hardly any actual arrests. He’s certainly no ISAIAH RIDER and not even a DAMON STOUDEMIRE. This man plays in Detroit and has never even been arrested with a gun in his possession. Get your hardbody weight up RASHEED, or put a smile on your fucking face. |
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TEAM ROCKET I can’t front, when Pokemon first debuted I was addicted to that shit. It was compelling television because it taught children to be self-reliant and creative with their dispute resolution skills. Team Rocket was the contant foil to Pikachu and his owner. Would you have me arrested if I said that I always watched the show in the hopes that JESSIE from Team Rocket would have a nip slip? How much of a loser are you in real life if you dress up and play a team of losers? |
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COBRA COMMANDER Who was funding this schmuck? C.O.B.R.A. had all kinds of fancy equipment and secret lairs that would have cost millions or even billions in 1980’s money. This dude never won shit, but he managed to keep the lights on. There should have been a coup inside C.O.B.R.A. and his mask should have been removed. Destro would have been a more bad azz leader except for the fact he was ghey and in love with the Commader. |
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JAWS JAWS was JAMES BOND’s nemesis for a couple of movies before he ran off with some young chick wearing braces. Give him credit though for bringing his grills into mainstream culture. Just ask the folks fom ‘BLING: The Hip-Hop Jewelry Book‘. |
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KING ZARKON This is the dude that Voltron pwned for life. He’s ugly as hell, but his bad azz talent… Not so much. |
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MANUEL NORIEGA What a total beanbag this fuck up became. RONALD RAYGUN, GEORGE BUSH Sr. and OLIVER NORTH brought more cocaine into this country and sold more guns to Central America than anybody in the history of selling guns and trafficking cocaine and none of them spent a minute in jail. As a matter of fact, OLIVER NORTH is a televsion celebrity (on FOX, of course). NORIEGA tried to derail the flow of blow through Panama and look what he got for his trouble. Sucker! |
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RUSH LIMBAUGH And who can forget this pill popping crack addict?!? Because he has such a masterful control over the masses the conservative braintrust hasn’t revealed that he stays high on opium. Can you imagine what kind of smackhead you would have to be to advocate long prison sentences for habitual drug users when you are in the bathroom during every single audio break shoving tabs of OxyContin down your throat like Tic Tacs?!? If we found him dead in his home with some strippers pantyhose twisted around his neck it still wouldn’t mitigate the damage from this asshole’s carbon footprint. |
what?
**borrowed from wiki and gonna have to call no homo on cobra commander**
Animated Series
Sunbow
In the 1980s cartoon series, Destro was voiced by Arthur Burghardt. Destro is portrayed much differently. In the Sunbow produced series, he and Cobra Commander have a more contemptuous relationship. Destro is not afraid to say what is on his mind and even physically assaults him in some cases. Cobra Commander usually just lets him get away with it because he is the only one who would know how to operate the doomsday devices he makes.
In a first season episode titled Skeletons in the Closet, Destro and G.I. Joe member Lady Jaye are revealed to be related by blood, but it is never mentioned exactly how. Furthermore, while Cobra Commander was generally portrayed as a bungler, Destro was both a more serious and more competent villain. In Season Two, having tired of Cobra Commander’s failures, he joins Dr. Mindbender in an attempt to create a new leader, they eventually succeed when they create Serpentor. It appears as though Destro realises Serpentor is even more useless than Cobra Commander, as in the final episode of the second season, he is helping Cobra Commander and the Coil, an organisation built by the Commander to overthrow Serpentor.
[edit] The Movie
Destro has only a minor role in G.I Joe: The Movie, but offers his loyalty to Golobulus and Cobra-La, quickly turning against Cobra Commander once again. In the final battle between the Joes and Cobra-La, Destro is seen fighting, but it is not revealed how he escaped from the explosion that destroyed the rest of Cobra-La.
[edit] DIC Series
In the DIC produced third series, Destro returns as Serpentor’s right hand man, apparently having survived the events of the movie. He now sports a golden mask and ‘iron grenadier’ uniform with cape. Apparently having tired of the Baroness, Destro is now in a relationship with Zarana (unusual as he had previously stated his hatred of Zartan and the Dreadnoks), leaving the Baroness humiliated. It is ultimately his humilation of The Baroness which leads her to return Cobra Commander to semi-human form. Once he has returned, Cobra Commander contacts Destro, who informs the Commander he will join him again if he is able to overthrow Serpentor. He is also forced to ‘dump’ Zarana by the Baroness, which he does, literally, through a trap door. With Serpentor defeated, Destro rejoins the Commander and repairs his relationship with the Baroness.
Throughout the series, Destro does not show as much disrespect for the Commander as he did in the Sunbow series, appearing more loyal than before. But he does still maintain his role as the more level-headed and intelligent of the Cobra leaders, and often has to talk some sense into Cobra Commander and stop his hysterical rants. He still shows his disdain for the Commander, but mainly keeps his remarks to himself. In the second season of the DIC series, Destro regains his silver mask and dons a variation of his classic outfit.
Dallas, Thanks for the cover up as long as folks think I’m a myth I can continue to operate in secrecy and maintain my global grip of power. Please continue to spread the word that I am at best a tale to frighten little children and give conspiracy theorists things to speculate and mumble about.
For your loyalty I promise any and all of your misdeeds will be overlooked, removed from any public scrutiny. As you know buying a judge to me is like buying a pair of socks.
Ernie Paniccioli (Kaiser Sozae)
The BMOAT: Huey Freeman
Why because he brought the politics of Black Nationalism to TV. No one else would be allowed to speak the things he got away with. The Boondocks is clever enough to keep it thinly disquised as humor.
In cartoon form you can speak truth to power and bust the bubbles of the rich and shameless politicians, processed haired obese “Black Leaders” and other well known and famous sociopaths.
Runner ups:
Bart Simpson
Cartman