ERNIE PANNICCIOLI might be the definitive Hip-Hop historian since his photographic images encompass more than 30 years of the culture’s evolution and progress through America. ERNIE has been commenting on my drops since before I had a website. The great thing about ERNIE is that he owns a personal bullshit filter on his brain which doesn’t allow him to gladhand anyone. At over six feet and 240 lbs. ERNIE doesn’t mind telling you how he feels about your shit.
I’m lucky to have him on my team for several reasons, none more important than the fact that he doesn’t lie. Just like Combat Jack he delivers his opinion unfiltered and unbiased by anything other than truth. If ERNIE says it then you can best believe that he lives it. He reminds me of my dad because they both come from the old, OLD school. If a man doesn’t have his word, he has nothing is the mantra.
So I got the idea after some recent comments by ERNIE to put up the images of some possible DP Dot Com Fantasy Poon Tang contestants. These are the women that I might possibly have sex with if they are the last women on Earth, and I am the last man, and we are on a deserted island, and they are unconscious (just how I like my sweet action). The question then becomes this…
What Would ERNIE Do?!?
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Pregnant HALLE BERRY The main reason I’m giving HALLE backshots is because I want to ‘Superman’ DAVID JUSTICE’s old ho. They do say pregnant loving is so juicy that you have to wear scuba equipment when you go down on it. What would ERNIE do?!? |
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Bearded R&B Chanteuse ALICIA KEYS I’m not so much into chicks that let their chest hairs grow extra long, or females that give other men handshakes with the soulbrother grip and the extra ‘100’ pat on the back, but I feel like I need to get some of this musical hoodrats sweetness just because I know that no other men are tasting it either. What would ERNIE do?!? |
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Midget Lover JANET JACKSON I’ve been waiting to drink her bathwater since ‘Good Times’ was on television. Her and Tootie were my first crushes. Despite all the nonsense that JANET perpetrates now with her fake boyfriend, and despite the fact that she conspired with her family to lock her daughter in the basement of the Jackson estate I must fulfill my destiny. The picture to the left is how JANET will always look in my mind’s eye. What would ERNIE do?!? |
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Stinkbooty STAR JONES Everything was easy on the eyes up to this point, but this is why your boy BILLY SUNDAY is the most hardbody blogger evar. The Hollywood rumors were that STAR JONES took a bath even LESS than her ghey husband peeped her slot. That would be the number between zero and never. So why am I going in on this nasty piece of Black tail? To get next on VIVICA FOX’s ghetto booty. What would ERNIE do?!? |
Eve-I hung out with her in a Harlem nail salon while her wig brusher Drag-On (what kind of a name is that) sat in her car and kept it warm.
She looks, smells, sound delicious.
Rosario Dawson, since she is your baby mama, I’ll take a pass, but both of you better believe…………
There are some fine ladies out there, but they love ladies as much as many Rappers love men (II). One day I’ll name names, but trust me, the bigger the muscles, the more they bend at the nullus waist.
But would Dallas hit Missy?
What would Ernie do with Star Jones, go skydiving with her and cut her parachute.
MS Jackson-I have photos of her with stitches around her lips where she had a lip reduction and like Oprah she is not a pretty sight without makeup, lipo, botox, etc.
Halle, is as nutty as a christmas fruitcake, that is obvious to anyone who hears her ramble without a script, I’ll pass, me and nuts don’t get along too well.
I met Ms Keyes in 99 in Atlanta while she was signed to J Dupri. She actually carried my camera bag and was cool as fuck to hang with , but I don’t see myself as a 6′ 2″ 240 pound beard. Just saying.
The freakiest chick is Christina Aqulera. Everything about her down to her bowlegs says freak. Hummmmmmmm, maybe.
Damm I hear BIGGIE in the back singing something about Fucking an R& B chick and being clear about Mariah Carey being scary. And Common singing about how good Mary’s kitty kat would be. I’ve been around Mary J. through many of her changes and even have shots of her on the pizipe without makeup and again I’ll pass. But that shit she sang with Meth (You’re All I Need To Get By”) is my all time fave love song, tight video and all.
Amy Winehouse-Has more tats than Meth and Redman and 50 combined and can sing her hairy cunt off, but she too is out to lunch and not coming back till after supper if at all-I’ll pass.
Sade-The holy grail of high yellow, redbone wetness. But since she only sings when she is broke. If she is as stingy with the loving as she is with the singing, again I’ll pass, maybe not.
Foxy Brown and Dallas? It would make for some very inspired drops, especially if he hit it just after she was bone free for a year. But she is so off kilter and so pucking nutzz Dallas would either fall madly in love or run away to Guatemala. Ernie Paniccioli
Dallas and all mebers of http://WWW.DallasPenn.com
I love http://www.allhiphop.com but why is it I won Best Documentary 2007in the BIG APPLE FILM FESTIVAL out of a 1000 submissions for a Hip Hop Classic “The Other Side of Hip Hop-The Sixth Element” and it might be the first time a real Hip Hop movie ever won an award and they have not mentioned it, even though we e-mailed them?
Please hit them up and ask
1) Where is the love?
2) Where is the journalism?
3) Does a Hip Hop film have to star Beyonce, Bow Wow, Eminem or Fisty to get some respect.
Here is a NY Film Festival Award Winner. Here is a certified Hip Hop film with Bambaataa, Chuck D, Crazy legs, Flavor Flav, MC Lyte, ISIS and more and no plucking love. As the honkies and 9-5 3 Piece Negroes say on the 10 O Clock news “I’m Appalled” Ernie Paniccioli
This is an important discussion… and a highly enjoyable read.
Ernie, congrats on winning Best Doc.
They tried to India.Arie you Ernie. They aint hip-hop and they don’t care about black people like George W.
Ernie, you should be pissed!
Blasphemy, I tell you. Journalistic blasphemy.
The world should know about this feat! I know I sound a little nuts right now but I do say that in all seriousness.
Has your film hit the black market of bootlegging splendor? I have noticed that the hip hop sites don’t fuck with anything that’s not gonna be illegally downloaded / have knock offs sold of it on ebay. Perhaps that’s the catch?
I know this ain’t what would Blackwater do but… I’mma keep it funky
-Star Jones could never get it and I like big girls… kinda.
-I’ve been dreamin’ about Halle so much over the years she can get it whatever condition she is in. True story.
-Alicia Keys could get it any day of the week, even if I had to give it to her 250 pound girlfriend too, word to Da Brat B.
-Janet so fine that she got enough fine for her whole family. Like I would hit Latoya or Reebie just to say I had a woman in Janet Jackson’s family.
-Rosario Dawson I’ll fall back for Dallas but daaaamn.
-Eve- not so much.
-Mary J. could get it just so I could tell all my 30 and older homies I did that. Nigga that’ll make you a project God to them.
-Foxy ain’t been sexy since the Chyna Doll cover and I like dark-skinned girls. Not so much.
– It’s something about lil’ Kim before and after the surguries that make me wanna smash shorty. It might just be how whe spit that hard, and that freak nasty shit. How many chicks can spit the hard with Biggie and the Lox and then turn around and be on freak shit with Too Short?
Eve strikes me as the kind of woman that would have her man blindfolded and handcuffed while she whips him, making him yell out “ooh, honeybear, can I have another?”
If I had manhood, I’d probably stay away.
skinny Oprah (billionaire Oprah)
Sanna Lathan
Gabrielle Union
Angela Bassett (don’t care how old)
Shawnna (‘I was gettin some’ fame)
The chick who played Don Cheadle’s wife in Hotel Rwnada
and call me crazy but… Barbara Striesand nigga
I’d rather do 500 straight pushups in 6 inches of pigshit than to smash Star Jones…all the others I could easily bring myself to “perform”.
But Star Jones? Hell to the naw!
One.
Barbara Streisand?!?
Hells chea!
Susan Sarandon is mandatory minimum.
Bette Midler too.
Matter of fact Mia Farrow could get beat out when she isn’t dressing like she eats at a soup kitchen. That’s why Wood Yi dipped off on her with that war baby.
Yo fam, I used to smash this foxy little shorty from ‘Nam when I was 24. It turned out that she was 16 but her parents used to let her spend the night at my crib and it was nothing. War baby action is the effing jizz. Literally.
Dart,
Don’t sleep on Star Jones pusssypower. You might need her to do some lawyering for your ass. Her teh ghey husband got busted giving his weedseller a blowjob along the westside highway and Star Jones got his ass out the clink before he even had a chance to drop the soap (on purpose no doubt).
Not saying that you would compromise yourself like ol’ boy did, but how you know Star Jones and got that wild power U if she damn near turned a faggot back around?
@Dallas
Bette Midler and Mia Farrow… I could do that.
-Damn I been around the world and I ain’t never had a Asian jumpoff. My current girl is like 25% Chineese but that don’t count in my book. I swear I think I’m scared of Asian poon b. I’ve had mad opportunities to get at Asain chicks but I never did. I think it’s all those 80’s flicks I used to watch where they were all freaky mysterious and shit. Anyway I’ve decided not to let that shit pass me by again, I don’t give a damn who I’m with at the time I’m going hard.
Suzanne Summers could still get it too.
You ain’t never lie about Suzanne Somers.
If I could have one night with an iconic alliterately named shorty I would bang Farrah Fawcett on some hardbody Olympic shit. I’d swim in that hole like Mark Spitz at the Maccabiah Games.
phoebe cates circa “fast times at ridgemont high.”
even though i first saw it when i was like 3, i became a man afterward.
^^^sheeeyit….phoebe cates today for that matter! fuck kevin kline…
To Ambassador, My film is now only available for film festivals. The first week in March 2008 we are going to do a 500 seat FREE screening at Brooklyn’s Medgar Evers College. So no, it has not been bootlegged. Even though I knew it was a good film, the award made me realize it was even inspirational (how often do you hear that word linked to Hip Hop?) and when a Harley Davis biker and his buddy told me the film made them cry then I knew the film was on some other level. And yes I want everyone on the planet to e-mail http://www.allhiphop.com and remind them that Denzel is not Hip Hop. 50 Scents is not Hip Hop, EMINEM (II) is not Hip Hop. Hip Hop is not BET, MTV or VH1. Hip Hop is US motherfucker, Hip Hop is US.
Now for a sad sexual secret of mine: Having met, shot and hung out with most of the top females singers, actresses and models I have to confess that with the exception of Eve and Aaliyah and Chili being up close and personal with the likes of Britney, Missy, Da Brat (II), Alicia Keyes (II), Latifah (II), Lil Quim er Kim (nutz) and Foxy (nutz), Lauren Hill ( a beautiful, sad, lonely lost child, girl woman) it is hard to maintain the fantasy. Seeing them in sweats, no makeup, no wig, weave, hairpiece, short, nappy hair and red eyes, some with the dragon, others with their female “friends” or their overly gangsta, knucklehead, shithead male lovers and the army of makeup artists, wig brushers, agents, weed carriers, publicists, and posse it tends to let you see past the carefully crafted “IMAGE” of hoodrat to star.
Dallas I hate to do this to you, but here it is Luke had been in my studio with seven nude models (image is in Hip Hop Immortals the large version) and he was about the coolest rapper I ever worked with. He invited me to his b-day party the next day. Guru was there and came running over to me all excited and said “Uncle Ernie, quick come get this flick with me. He took me over to introduce me to Pam Grier who was all wrapped up in the arms of a younger brother (II)-Nullus-Boutros Boutros Ghali to the MF max. And I was thrilled to meet her but sickened when she introduced the flamer as her “man” and I was like WTF? I’m not sure if she knew or cared who Guru was but I shot the photo and Guru was as happy as Michael Jackson at a Boy Scout Camp.
And for BLACKWATER-Gabrielle Union?. That woman has crazy eyes, nutz, out to fucking lunch and that cute impish grin tells me that would be the worst night of my life.
Question:? How do you make love to a model and make her think you are the sexiest man, most handsome man, most wonderful man alive? Answer: Say nothing, nod your fucking head, smile a lot and wear a shirt full of mirrors so she can see her own image and have mirrors all over your bedroom. Models are nutz. Ernie
^ Reminds me of this video I had on En Vogue showing them behind the scenes with no makeup on or weaves in place.
Y’all would call Sandra Bernhard gorgeous after seeing those broads in that condition.
Sickest line of all time:
I’d rather fuck RuPaul than them ugly bitches from Xscape”-BIG
Dallas, I’d do En Vogue (I saw them without makeup), especially Cindy, but only if I could do all four at once and do a real jumpoff. Hell, I’d even let you and Rafi film it. Another instant R&B /Hip Hop film classic. Ernie
Fuck B O D E G A you’d be humming E N V O G U E as you smelled my hand.
Darth Adams-You ethered Star Jones.
“I’d rather do 500 straight pushups in 6 inches of pigshit than to smash Star Jones…all the others I could easily bring myself to “perform”.
But Star Jones? Hell to the naw!
One. “
Why did Dallas not mention the human water bug in his list of last women on Earth/Desert island/Just got out of jail after 10 years scenarios?
Surely NEW YORK and Star Jones deserve special mention and equal billing in the list of “I’ll do it by hand I just got a small load” or “Nah, that’s okay I’m trying celibacy” or “Nah, I gave it up for lent” or “That’s okay I have to go get my car washed” type shit you’d say to a woman like them. Ernie
dp gonna get the worms slamming extra zombied yentas
I might have been too young to remember, but I’m pretty sure that SWV looked mostly like DeBarge with better wigs…just confirmed that piece on google images.
Star Jones – I can’t see that there’s any difference between her and Al Roker these days besides a sponsorship from Yaki Hair. No matter what, the forecast is sweat under the titties and more loose skin than a convention of 75 year old whores.
Let’s get Trina on that list for a what’s up and also, Ernie, have you seen and if so, say anything Charli Baltimore in the flesh?
Charli Baltimore-BIGGIe hit dat. I had her in the studio once hung out with her with UN one night in a club and shot her with her kids at an amusement park.
She has a mad energy, a freaky, freaky side, a warm heart and my shots of her are divine. When she takes off her clothes you’re like WTF. She has a spider or Octopuss that goes from the small of her back to her cootch and back out front to her navel. Both her and Faith had BIG tats. Faith had hers on her right breast and Charlie freaky style around her navel. BIGGIE hit dat, Faith, Kim, Mary but was scared of Mariah’s creepy half black half loonie ass and gave the yuck to Xscape
Evan you killed it ROKER-Star Jones might actually be the same person in drag. OUCh the fuck OUCH.
Give SWV a break, they gave me mad love, paid me for every shoot, video, stage show or whatever they did and except for COCO (cookoo) they were mad cool and real flavor to work with and kept me paid $$$$$. Ernie
Ernie –
I swear if I was in NYC I’d be there. Unfortunately, I’m not. Bring an event like that down to Virginia where I can actually afford to go (ha!) and I’d be all on it.
Until then, I can only hope some website (hint – allhiphop) picks it up…shit, hit up every site you can think of. Never hurts. Or start a blogging revolution and get every blogger you’ve ever made at least minimal contact with to spread the word. All I know is I wanna know what’s really good with this film SOMEHOW because I just can’t make it up to Brooklyn.
Ambassador, The idea of a bloggers revolt: Let the world know a man is trying to do his part to educate, uplift, inspire and make folks smile while decriminalizing Hip Hop and showing 30 years of powerful images is something worthy of shine.
Bloggers need to talk about more than their bowel movements (Dallas), the human bowel movement (Guiliani), the constipated bowel (Hillary), The Psuedo American Gangster (JAY Z-what the fuck were you thinking, your the CEO of a bullshit record label and a multi millionaire fronting as a drug dealer, as Nas said NEGRO PLEASE), sorry I digress.
Yes everyone who loves Hip Hop set the MF internet ablaze and let the world know this moive is here “The Other Side Of Hip Hop”
We will be close to you, or closer to you Myrtle Beach, then another film festival in San Diego and if there is a populist ground swell and some civic, conscious, aware, politically savvy, Hip college, church, school gives us a couple of plane or train tickets and a cheap hotel room we’ll come to your city, town, suburb. And for the record cheese eaters like Michael Eric (speed talker, BS artist) Dyson and Cornball Cornell West get paid 10-25 thousand dollars to talk that shit and say they are Hip Hop. I never saw them in a club, Zulu Anniversary, emergency police brutality rally or any thing to do with Hip Hop except pimping a book or being a fucking talking head on TV and you can run and tell them I said so. So peace to the fam and fuck the rest or the perpetraters. Ernie
Ernie,
I hate to just quote you on this run of great responses, but I have to give you hella credit on “And for the record cheese eaters like Michael Eric (speed talker, BS artist) Dyson…” I always thought that I was alone in that one. Mikey Dyson. – I got no use for dude like tha pile of left socks that is accruing in my top stash dresser drawer. I find his firebrand preacher delivery, coupled with his attempts to jam a four bar quote every so often to me creates this verbal camoflauge that allows him to keep this ruse of greater intelligence and wit than he actually posesses. He needs to take some advice from the great Wu sage GZA, “Keep it twice as short, half as long.” Keep doing your thing Ernie…
So back to the question at hand. Which post-incarceration shot would do it? I’m talking fresh out the pen… Kim, Foxy, Remy Ma, or Martha Stewart?
EDIT – I hate to just quote you on just one line in this run of great responses of a mass of joints in this drop….
*dies*
LMAO
^”Halle, is as nutty as a christmas fruitcake, that is obvious to anyone who hears her ramble without a script, I’ll pass, me and nuts don’t get along too well.”
Co-sign.
Btw, Ernie, you figure out who I am yet?
Combat Jack, I spent my whole life trying to figure out who I am. Give me three clues:
1) Your name
2) Where I know you from
3) Why two obviously deep men are logging onto Dallas’s website (other than the fact that he’s nuts and we love him (no (II).
Ernie
40 says: First I don’t trust anyone with three names, that shit is pretenscious like a MF to begin with. Second who the fuck believes he knows shit about Hip Hop?
There are a bunch of lames that either try to rep Hip Hop, Gender Issues, Violence Against Women (a needed stance but 99% full of pimps trying to get panties, get paid, cover up their own hangups or history or trying to create a personna) and the worst fucking lames and pimps and offenders-Race experts/Civil Rights Activists/
But Cornell West and Dyson are frauds, BS artists and culture and race pimps.
My favorite TV moment was when Suge Knight on BET called both Dyson and Kevin Powell street punks and offered to fuck them up in the hallway. Both of them almost (maybe not almost) shit their pants and turned pale.
Harry Allen, KRS1, Chuck D, King Yoda, Bambaataa and myself are among the few that are qualified to call ourselves Hip Hop experts, yet none of us will call ourselves that or perp the role. Ernie
Dyson/Powell/West/Sharpton/Jesse can all eat a dick.
Ernie, hit me up at combatjack [at] gmail [dot] com. Let’s break some bread homie. You know, I’ve actually been to your home, homie. I’ve met your family. [||] for the cause.
Ernie,
Remember that event last year at the Museum of the City of New York? It was a book release party. You gave these dudes some photos to use in their book.
Combat Jack is one of those dudes.
Ernie –
I may be able to help you out a little.
Click the link to get to my blog and you’ll find a little icon like a envelope…click it for my e-mail address.
^^Dyson/Powell/West/Sharpton/Jesse can all eat a dick.
I gotta cosign on that. I actually fucks with C. West, when he talks about stuff thats non hip-hop. If he steers clear of that we’re good. I mean its like one of us pontificating on the merits of the Soulja Boy. Whats with grown ass black men voluntarily calling themselves “boy” anyway?
*knows Ernie’s work*
*doesn’t know Ernie personally*
*will probably meet him one day*
*appreciates the gems dropped*
*vouches for CJ*
Looking at recent federal indictments its interesting to see dogfighting and steroids are more important than national security. Especially during a “War On Terror”.
Out of sight out of mind. How come no one mentioned the other pink meat-PINK. She could get it. Ernie
Aighttttttt, now that most of you have moved on to read about Dallas’s rants about his copious amounts of feces, his obsession with sneakers, comics and sports you are pralleee not going to catch this sneaky drop where I snitch on Mr. Penn in violation of Article 93.55c of the Hoodrat Ghetto Rule Book but fuck it like my man said “Step to me!” if you have a problem with me, but pay up your child support, old parking tickets and unpaid bills first. Hollywood did a movie about me and blew up my spot about 10 years ago and I had to calm the fuggg down, but the statute of limitations is over and I have Federal Immunity. At least in that flick they covered their legal asses by portraying me as a Hungarian and had Kevin Spacey play my part. Anyway, here is the snitch, the rat, the truth. I have part of a videotape of Dallas in a liplock (like Lilly Wanyeboy and Birdyman aka Chicken Hawk) with Condomlizard Rice. In the uncut video I watched in horror as Mr. Penn services said lady orally. I almost lost my luch as he drooled into her fetid nether regions and her creepy smile and insane howls only added to the surreal and wretched scenario. It seems our Ghey Buoy and resident drunk and coke-head GW is not the only freak that likes to eat rice……………………yuck to the square root of 68 I owe you one squared. Ernie