I haven’t done a BeYONCE Factor in months, but I have been recently smitten with JENNIFER LOPEZ so I figured we should put her through the Factor just to see how she rates. J_LO is already at a disadvantage because her big screen ‘Carmen’ project has just been canned by Hollywood. The studio execs didn’t think that J_Licious had the single-handed star power to turn a profit for that classic love story.
Hollywood needs to wake up and recognize the spending power of the Mexican diaspora. As Americas’ most burgeoning demographic there’s gold up in them thar’ hills. And for all the guys that would love to give a facial to the daughter of their landscaper, JENNIFER LOPEZ is their top choice.
Do you bitches remember how the Factor works?!? We list several titles from BeYONCE songs and see how close our contestant comes to completing the title. BeYONCE would recieve 100 points for each Factor item. O.K. here we go again…
JENNIFER LOPEZ
1) Can you say her name – 0 (as a name, JENNIFER has no street cred)
2) Can she pay her bills – 100 (she is still eating off her ‘In Living Color’ scrilla)
3) Is she a survivor – 100 (J_LO is set to outpace ELIZABETH TAYLOR for number of times married)
4) Does she have a soldier – 100 (more downloads on U.S. Army computers than JENNA JAMESON)
5) Cater to you – 100 (Mexican women are tragically domesticated)
6) Dangerously in love – 150 (arrest record from Club New York shoot out with former beau PIDDY puts J_HO over the top)
7) Bootylicious – 100 (the most selected posterior in the history of anaplasty)
JENNIFER LOPEZ’ BeYONCE FACTOR totals = 650 points
J_LO came damn close to Ms.B, but lets be honest, an arrest record is only for trashy divas.
You were very generous. I would have deducted at least 250 points for dating an ass clown like Ben Affleck. Mark Anthony is neither a plus nor a minus considering that she probably just carries his ass around as a substitute for a Chihuahua.
Since when is J-Lo Mexican? Boricua, boricua!
P.R.’s, C.R.’s, D.R.’s, Cubans, Colombians, Salbadoreans = MEXICANS. Sorry papi, its just like that.