So now Mrs.ASHANTI has supposedly gone and let her youthful indiscretions slip out into the public sphere. And just when she was nipping away at BeYONCE’s stiletto heels too. You don’t think this could be a conspiracy by the folks in BeYONCE’s camp to smash her nearest competitor? Open the link and decide for yourself, but not if you are at work.
Let’s all agree that BeYONCE is the gold standard for jig women of our generation. She is our DIANA ROSS, and just like Mrs.ROSS, Ms.KNOWLES is a boss. Trust me that she wears the corduroy pants in whatever house she is in. I don’t believe a word that JAY-Z spits because I know for a fact that he is a faker, but I have to admit that he is dead right when he says that BeYONCE is the baddest chick in the game. With this now established, BLU CHEEZ will do a feature on the website from time to time called the BeYONCE FACTOR.
Jig celebs will be rated on a scale for how close their game comes to that of the pinnacle of all jiggaboo goddesses – BeYONCE. The page that hosts the BeYONCE FACTOR will be set up where weblog cipher members can assign points to jig celebs based on their ability to achieve BeYONCELICOUSNESS(we’re still working this out).
Let’s try a dry run…
OPRAH WINFREY
1) Can you say her name – 50 (names with ‘eesha’ or ‘awna’ sounds rate highest)
2) Can she pay her bills – 100 (OPRAH could give GOD a loan until payday)
3) Is she a survivor – 100 (the real talk question – is STEDMAN still alive?)
4) baby boy – 50(OPRAH may have had an aobortion back in the day)
5) cater to you – 100 (OPRAH be giving people cars and shit)
6) dangerously in love – 0 (loving GAYLE KING doesn’t count, or should it?)
7) bootylicious – 75 (OPRAH does have a fatty koo now that she slimmed down)
OPRAH WINFREY’s BeYONCE FACTOR total – 425 points
That was easy and fun. Now let’s do ASHANTI…
ASHANTI
1) Can you say her name – 100 (more jigg babies are being named after ASHANTI)
2) Can she pay her bills – 20 (all Murda Inc funds going to IRV GOTTI’s legal team)
3) Is she a survivor – 10 (Glen Cove, L.I. not exactly the ‘hood)
4) baby boy – 0 (no abortion rumors yet for ASHANTI)
5) cater to you – 0 (ASHANTI needs better p.r. team)
6) dangerously in love – 20 (NELLY can’t get his girlfriend’s album platinum)
7) bootylicious – 100 (definite applebottom status)
ASHANTI’s BeYONCE FACTOR total – 250 points
Oh well, it seems that Ms.ASHANTI was further away from BeYONCE than I
originally thought. No wonder she is getting into porn now. What a crazy world we live in where the prostitutes and p0rn actors are writing books and the singers and rappers are becoming porn stars and prostitutes.