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Editor’s note: The Ambassador goes in on why she watches football in the first place. Guess what, it ain’t the tight pants.

I’m not about to act like I know much about football, because I don’t (Vernand Morency is proof of this), but I at least thought I knew who was going to win the Super Bowl. Well, once again, I was wrong. But I know I’m not the only one who is feeling like an idiot right now! I can’t recall speaking to anybody that thought that the Patriots would lose. Then again, I do go to George Mason – maybe the people I was speaking to took me out of context and thought I was talking about the infamous GMU Patriots who actually did win their last game. And, of course, they also had a recent win against VCU. Mason vs. VCU is pretty much the Super Bowl of the Colonial Athletic Association when it comes to basketball, so…well, let me stop bragging about my school. We’ll save that kind of talk for March Madness time.

Anyway, here we stand. Another Super Bowl Sunday behind us. And truthfully, I’m kind of glad. While Charles Grant was busy getting stabbed in the neck while he was out at a club, the Giants and Patriots players were warming up and practicing the most idiotic of dances to perform when the touchdowns would be scored, the pork patrol was loading up on donuts to provide sustenance for the long night of pulling over drunk drivers, fatasses across the country (in true American fashion) were making sure that they had a sufficient supply of buffalo wings and beer, and I found myself bored out of my mind. You would think that spending three years of my life on the sidelines of football games with a fake smile on my face while wearing a little skirt that barely covered my ass might make me enjoy football more. But alas, I still don’t even understand the game. Hell, I remember doing first and 10 cheers on the sidelines and not even knowing what a first and 10 meant. Not a good look. Actually…I take that back. The skirts trump the lack of knowledge. It was still a good look. Ah, high school. The good old days.

Speaking of the good old days, I realized that the only part of football that truly entertains me is the art of the tackle. So, I decided to utilize the great power of distraction known as YouTube to take a trip into the wonderful tackles of football games past. Take a look at what I found… and don’t worry, if you’re at work – just turn the sound off. They’re just as great in silence.

Joe Paterno took one hell of a hit in that video. This would also be the only tackle in this small bunch that I actually saw on TV when it happened. That was some crazy shit. Take into account how old he was when this happened and it’s even more amazing. I don’t think I’d even bother standing up after that one – I’d just coach the rest of the game from the ground. Joe Paterno is hardbody, sonn.

I have no idea who this is, but fast forward to the one minute mark for the slow motion replay. There is only one word to describe this clip: ouch.

This looks like the game wasn’t that big of a deal, but I’m sure the guy getting tackled in this one isn’t going to forget it. Word to Lil’ Jon, they were knockin’ some heads off in this one. Well, maybe not heads. More like helmets. Peep how far away it landed from the guy’s body!

Here we have someone named Ray Small getting laid out. But that’s not the best part of this video – check out the guy who tackled him after he made the hit. He looks so happy and full of joy. I think for a second his run actually turned into a skip. A trot perhaps. Ah, yes, the amazingly blissful feeling of fucking somebody the fuck up. Nothing like it. What a rush.

I had to throw this one in to defend cheerleading. Well, maybe this isn’t defending it, but it shows that we cheerleaders can take hits too. To my knowledge, this girl ended up with a concussion and ripped her ear off or something Mike Tyson-esque like that. This has to be the best cheerleading fuckup video on YouTube. Watch as her stunt partner pokes at her like road
kill while she’s out cold, and take notice of how the person recording it all doesn’t make a move to get up and help. Classic.

	Rocko Rocorski says… “Helmets?!? DP Dot Com don’t need no stinkin’ helmets!”

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 5th, 2008 at 5:50 am and is filed under iNternets Celebrities, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Sports are Gay, The Ambassador, The Guest Room, When I Reminisce.... You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.