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You haven’t seen this feature in awhile because BeYONCE is an absolute beast on her competition. She whupped ASHANTI so badly, poor little hairy ba’ygirl can’t even get another album done. DAYYYUM!

She took out MARIAH and JESSICA SIMPSON. BeYONCE even beat out my brownskin baby momma OPRAH. But this Factor should be a good challenge.

JANET JACKSON has the look and the moves. She also has a catalog of songs to do the running man to or to get your snuggle on with your baby boo. And she has the mystique and the baggage of the JACKSON family clan. The JACKSON family laid the groundwork for MATTHEW and TINA KNOWLES to stand on. If there were ever to be such a thing as Black royalty in the United States, the JACKSONs would be like the Hapsburgs or some shit. Enough talk bitches, let’s factor…

Here’s a quick rewind of the format for your scoring information…
In parentheses are the factors that give someone a high or low score depending on how we at the website rate them. If a subject does exceptionally well with a factor then they will receive the full allotment of points (100).

1) Can you say her name – (the more‘Black’ sounding the name of the subject, the higher the number of points)
2) Can she pay her bills – (cash rules everything around us – does the subject have any?)
3) Is she a survivor – (has the subject had to endure scandal/controversy?)
4) Baby boy – (has the subject ever had an abortion?)
5) Cater to you – (would you want a backrub from the subject?)
6) Dangerously in love – (is the subject in a relationship that can’t last?)
7) Bootylicious – (this should speak for itself)

JANET should do well because she’s been the heiress apparent to DIANA ROSS since ‘Good Times’ and ‘Diff’rent Strokes’ were on broadcast television. Here we go…

1) Can you say her name – 25 points (JANET just isn’t jig-sounding enough)
2) Can she pay her bills – 50 points (she has paper, but brother Michael is the King of Pop)
3) Is she a survivor – 100 points (after NippleGate, JANET became like the female O.J.)
4) Baby boy – 200 points* (you do know that JANET has a twenty year old daughter that JOE JACKSON keeps locked up in a steamer trunk in the basement of the family house?)
5) Cater to you – 100 points (can you imagine JANET singing ‘Anytime, Anyplace’ to you in your ear?)
6) Dangerously in love – 75 points (J.D. is still the president at Arista right?)
7) Bootylicious – 100 points (JANET keeps that 40+ yr. old thing tight!)

JANET JACKSON’s BeYONCE Factor score = 650 points!

*That was closer than it needed to be but you have to give props to JANET for the simple fact that her daughter will NEVER see the light of day.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 24th, 2005 at 9:57 am and is filed under BeYONCE Factor, Ghetto Celebs. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.