black women

You do the math!

Thank goodness I have a broad’s opinion to buttress this post against, or all of you developmental studies graduate degreed dreadlocked feministas from North Carolina Community College would be bringing your pink pitchforks to my door. Y’all still got a chip on your shoulder ’cause that Duke case is smelling like another TAWANA BRAWLEY. People need to stop hating the messenger just because they don’t want to hear the message.

JOY JONES is one of y’all whether you believe me or not. She submits her essays to the Washington Post. You might remember her jawnt, ‘Marriage Is For White People‘. Well now Ms. JONES has turned it up a notch to explain, ne, ‘splain why most of you Black women aren’t fulfilling your domestic birthright of holy matrimony as ordained by the baby Jesus Christ. She calls this winner, ‘Why Are Black Women Scaring Off Their Men?: A Fighting Spirit Is Important-But Not At Home‘. But you can read all of that later on your own time.

This is my time now hotdammit and I want to know what is more important than serving me (in the collective royal sense – the Black man)?!? Don’t you understand that we are being attacked constantly at the workplace (those of us that have jobs) and in the media (those of us that read newspapers, watch television) so much that all we would like would be to come home and have a warm meal and a pair of slippers at the door. But nooooooo, you have a meeting tonight with the exec admin staff about the new memo pad format. BOLSHEVIK!!! So it’s another night of microwave turkey breast for us and the kids that we picked up from the sitter. Fine. And then on nights that you are home it’s spaghetti. Again. We don’t give a fuck if you have put fresh garlic in the pasta. We have spaghetti 15 times a fucking month.

We wish we had the chance to have sex with you as often as we eat your spaghetti. You were such a sassy women when we were dating. Your sex appeal was out the roof. We were open for cunnilingus too. As a matter of fact, we got so good at it we became cunnilingual. You graciously shared your chocolate starfish with us. The only time I get to see that now is when you are showing me your ass during a discussion. You knew that we were working at a blue collar profession. Because we say save for life insurance and you say save for retirement doesn’t make us outmoded. We were a team before, Batman and Robin, and we are not going to be playing the position of Robin. Extra no LUTHER VANDROSS’ shoulder pad glitter jacket.

What we need is for you to play your position. Sit back in the passenger seat while we drive this family through the ups and downs. We’ll occassionally ask you for some directions. Just don’t cop an attitude when we don’t follow them. We love y’all to death, we just need for y’all to simmer down, stay sexy and shut the fuck up.

34 Responses to “BLACK WOMEN = SCARY x (2)BOSSY”

  1. Candice says:

    Chocolate Starfish? LMAO. Only you Mr. Penn.

  2. Tiffany says:

    I have to forward this to my hubby…I’m sure he’d like just as much sex as spaghetti, but damnit, I don’t have a lot of time :-). I’m a busy woman.

  3. Vik says:

    preach my brother.

  4. Lion XL says:

    Damn…you get Spaghetti? 15 times a month? woooowww! andyou get sex on top of it?

    btw…when did women’s independance become synonomous with flipping men the bird?

  5. Alex2.0 says:

    “Extra no LUTHER VANDROSS’ shoulder pad glitter jacket”

    ^haha! this is why i bookmarked your site. loves it!

    “Sit back in the passenger seat while we drive this family through the ups and downs”

    ^so what happens if you drive them off the road into a ravine? you can be equal partners. instead of batman and robin….co-pilots maybe?

    “we would like would be to come home and have a warm meal and a pair of slippers at the door.”

    ^what if she is the breadwinner and works longer hours? just asking.

  6. Tia says:

    Told you you couldn’t handle us.

  7. the_dallas says:

    Its just that we men miss y’all REAL women. The kind that could bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and would never forget that we was the man. All these dudes running around with lip gloss on and chicks with baldies have gotten the game twisted.

  8. Alex2.0 says:

    a real “enjoli-wearing” woman huh? lol

  9. the_dallas says:

    Alex2.0 just showed her age. DP dot com family, go visit Alex2.0 at her brand new site. Just click on her highlighted name to peep the big things she is working on.

  10. Candice says:

    Alex2.0 had me humming the Enjoli song!!! You are just as bad as DP! LOL

  11. Alex2.0 says:

    in my defense, i’m actually an early-80s baby!

  12. Combat Jack says:

    ^ All these dudes running around with lip gloss on and chicks with baldies have gotten the game twisted.


  13. Skeeter Valentine says:

    Dudes these days aint really dudes with all this metrosexuality goin on.

    “We love y’all to death, we just need for y’all to simmer down, stay sexy and shut the fuck up.”

    ^^^Big Dreams that will never happen ever again.

  14. Fuck y’all 70s cats.

    Seriously though, DP knows how to blog for the ladies.

  15. This post has an “asshole” undertone to it, but I absolutely love your site.

  16. miss ahmad says:

    so does that mean that black love is or isn’t instyle any more cuz i’m confused.

    i hired a housekeeper so i could focus on brining sexy back, i work hard but i really love to play harder, from the board room to the bedroom i’m always a lady although i can’t help being a girl…

    i’m a boss bitch but not always bossy, but i would love for a man to be the be boss of the house cuz doin’ it all alone ain’t all its cracked up to be…

    word to big bird!

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    • mula-mula buat post yang pertama dulu memang susah sebab tak ada idea sangat. Tapi setelah membuat blogwalking dapatlah juga idea

    • on Appreciate it for all your efforts that you have put in this. Very interesting information. « There is no more miserable human being than one in whom nothing is habitual but indecision. » by William James.

  17. Billy Sunday says:

    ^Church to that real talk right there!

    Black love is still in e.f.f.e.c.t. but it could be more bigger if there wasn’t this competition aspect between the sexes as to who wears the thick pants.

    Dallas is try’na tell it that there is honor in walking behind your man. That don’t mean you are subjegated or without power, but the power of the woman is different than the power of the man. It has to manifest itself differently for the dynamic to work. If she wanna butt heads like a dude on the street because she got a pocket full of scrilla then the game is twisted.

    It ain’t women’s fault either since we all put a premium on who holds paper and we equate paper with power. Why shouldn’t a women feel powerful if she is educated and making bank? Dallas have to reteach the womenfolk that their power is still universal and even though its different from a mans its still just as important. But if we gonna stay on that tit-for-tat shit there gonna be a whole gang of single folk when we reach our parents’ ages.

    And as far as that sister said a minute ago… “This post has an ‘asshole’ undertone to it”… Welcome to the web-cipher. This whole website has an asshole undertone. It’s what we do.

  18. Vee says:

    If you have your communication game tight and stand like a man, you wouldn’t have any problems. And if you find yourself in an unsuitable position – LEAVE. You can always opt to stay single and learn how to cook.

    Telling a modern woman to play their position won’t help, step up to bat and command your position. But if you’re trying to court a lady and you start bending over backwards or compromise who you are, your core values as a man . . . what do you expect will happen.

    The who-brings-home-the-bacon” argument, I’ll save that for the birds. The government has been acting as a surrogate father (Moniyhan 1965) for many single women, stripping men of their rights and wealth in divorce courts for quite a while.
    The “I can do without a man” attitude is cool, do your thing. I’m not trying to compete with the government or deal with a woman with a selfish, toxic behavior or thought process. I’ll stay single and continue to date.

    If you on point, know who you are, and what you want, a hard-working woman, corporate woman, or female business owner will not have any problems with you. If either of you can not handle the disparity in incomes then be honest with yourselves, you want something else in a relationship. You got to outline and define your goals, plans, intentions and expectations. Other than that, stay single. If you’re lady is making major paper and you feel inadequate or she feels that you’re not doing enough . . . ya’ll always going to have some issues. Let her be.

    And this issue is not exclusive to the African American community. Kill dat rhetoric.

    “Power concedes nothing without demand. It never did, and never will.”
    —- Frederick Douglas”

    Just a little extra note:
    ‘What we need is for you to play your position. Sit back in the passenger seat while we drive this family through the ups and downs.’

    If you have always been financially irresponsible, have little to nothing in savings, have a history of bad credit but your lady is on point, what’s wrong with her playing the role of the financial manager? Be fair.

    –>> the asshole undertone is humorous at times, but some times . . . ya’ll miss a beat.

  19. the_dallas says:

    Thanks for falling thru VEE,

    You lace us with some good points that we already administer as Black men, but you sound like you enjoy dating a little bit too much. With that attitude of one foot out the door you never present yourself as a serious candidate for a relationship.

    Of course the entire planet is having relationship angst, but this piece was written on behalf of all the brothers that don’t have an internets connection. I took the liberty of ranting for them.

  20. Amadeo says:

    For real all that metrosexuality comes from dudes trying to placate the “modern-feminist-it’s-an-insult-for-me-to-cook-and-being-a-homemaker-is-degrading” type women. It’s like when women say “show your feelings it’s alright to cry!” Well watch what happens to the dude who is willing to break down at the drop of a hat. When we equate success with power and becoming something with money that’s when things fall apart. On the for-real-evolution-tip. Women built civilization…cause they stayed home and made the home, which in turn made the community. A man went out, killed the meat and brought it home, true. Women however cooked it, planted the garden and negotiated trades with other families so we could get various things. The simple evidence is that women have more ways to communicate than men. You don’t have to speak to hunt, but you do when you negotiating and such. The answer sure ain’t having men stay home cause don’t NO woman want to financially support a man.

  21. Antagonista says:

    I read that article a few years ago. For all you men who think we all enjoy the super-strong-i-don’t-need-no-man schtick think again. Doing everything and being everything is exhausting, depressing and unhealthy, and lonely. But the way I see it we’ve bought the “black man ain’t shit” lie we see on the “noos” all the time so some of us are terrified of relying on you. We all need to re-educate ourselves and stop letting others tell us who we are and what we are about.

  22. Vee says:

    Eventually we will all have to accept that what is defined as manhood and womanhood is constantly changing just like our mores and cultural values. That’s if people actually acknowledge what they value to begin with. Ask your girl, lady, wife how does she define what a man is? It won’t match your personal definition and we all have our own. I remember some one once said that you’re not a man if you still live with your parents past 23. Hmm . . . pursuing a graduate, doctorate or PHD + student loans and a hell-bent, taxing, nose-diving economy? F-ck her. **But that’s another issue.**

    Amadeo, I personally think you’re short-changing men’s traditional cultural roles.

    Dallas, I tell you this – I’m good. Give me a non-American, Americana, Western woman and I’ll be good. Feminism got the game all messed up, but that’s another issue, check bell hooks on that. I’m not suggesting that I want a submissive woman or want to subjugate a lady . . . but these modern attitudes, values and behavior, got to go!!

    My money is my money, his money is our money.
    Forget that crap.

    Remember a single, 30+ or 40+ cat can easily still bag a kitten.
    But watch how difficult it is for a 30-40+ hen, old bag try to catch a dude doing his thing.

  23. Billy Sunday says:

    ^Vee, your right, so this means that we need to re-educate ourselves to how we play the relationship game. I like your idea of having the relationship detente summit. Both parties put their goals and expectations on the table. This way people don’t feel a kind of way in year two, three, ten or twenty. It is a sign of the times that relationships must have binding contractual clauses.

    But getting back to the top… I feel you Dallas on that spaghetti issue.

  24. p-city says:

    Damn… I guess a few people had opinions on this one.

    Look, I was never looking for the “I don’t need a man” kind of sista’. But, it is hard to judge a woman that gets lumped in that category.

    For us, chances to meet women are just a by-product of going out and handling our business. If we excel (or just compete) in business, athletics, writing, politics – you name it – then there will be a (good) woman there to notice and want to spend some time with us. Confidence = connections.

    For women, the script is flipped. If she excels, so what? She still has to worry about competing with that temp receptionist who looks fly as hell in heels. Plus, the more she excels, the more she is likely to attract exacly what she ain’t looking for – the brother who needs a woman to take care of him, not walk alongside him. For women, too much confidence can easily equal a lifestyle of solitude.

    Women must play two games: the career game, which doesn’t neccesarily attract potential mates; and the dating game, in which their career successes are tangetial at best.

    That’s a rough road. Who am I to judge?

  25. Vee says:

    ^p-city and some of you might find these two point of views interesting.

    An article in written by Michael Noer ‘Don’t marry a career woman.’ It sparked some debate and Forbes in all fairness decided to post a follow-up article ‘Counterpoint: Don’t Marry a Lazy Man’ by Elizabeth Corcoran.

    Interestingly enough, not too long ago the had an article that baffled many people about women with higher degrees of learning opting out of a career to be a house-wife.

    — Two thoughts —
    Why does the media look down upon housewives as if they’re not as important as todays career women?

    And what’s up with sexless marriages? I hear people are complaining about that. Newsweek did an cover story on that a while back. ^Dallas, I hear the disgruntled rants coming from married cats.

    Al Bundy would ashamed!
    No Ma’am is alive and well, holla back.

  26. LM says:

    1. BS, you always agree with DP. Don’t you have a mind of your own? At least you know the cool places to hang.

    2. DP, unless I’m mistaken you’ve surpassed the 10,000-comment mark. Considering your meager readership, that’s worthy of note.

    3. I like my spaghetti with sauce on the side. Really. Sauce alone is good for me, too. Thank goodness my woman knows.

    4. Tiffany, average sex and average spaghetti take about the same amount of time. Good sex often takes longer but it’s worth the effort. As with anything, the more regular the easier it is to set aside the time.

    5. Alex 2.0, nice site, and nice extended musings on this subject there. You say you’re “only hearing what women should be sacrificing” (please go the site for context, people) and I can understand that. But I venture that what (most) men are looking for (many) women to “sacrifice” is the attitude that a man is just something else to fit into their lives. The acquisitive mode of our consumer culture is hard for some people to turn off.

    6. Reality: any man and any woman getting into the most ideal of relationships will have to sacrifice… a degree of autonomy, if nothing else, ‘cause a relationship takes time and attention. But people who are really putting into their relationships view “sacrifices” as investments. Sorry to be all treacly.

    7. Men should expect hetero sex from a woman and little else based on gender. (Yeah, even that first premise in some cases is fallacious, no pun intended.) Look, I love being a man and all that, but as Vee says, claim your position. If this is the natural order of things, shouldn’t things happen naturally? Again, nodding to Vee, what roles we take as males and females, let alone in relationships, is always changing. One of the main reasons for courtship is to determine compatibility between two people — not two genders — and this is a key area.

    8. “All these dudes running around with lip gloss on and chicks with baldies have gotten the game twisted.” No, they’re playing a different game. There are still plenty of people in this one.

    9. Miss Ahmad, Happy Birthday. I’ve got nothing against you hiring a housekeeper, but ain’t keeping house sexy? Probably matters less if there’s no man in it… but you’re out playing hard. It’s all good, but that’s not the same, at least to me, as finding someone with whom to be in a relationship. So no dig at you, I’m just using your language as a segue. And in case some wonder, I don’t mind scrubbing a toilet here and there for my woman. The home’s gettin’ love either way, which means it’ll be easier for us to live in it together.

    10. Plenty of this centers on the scrilla, and we all need to diminish its power or it will continue to unduly corrupt relationships. Understand, it’s going to stay powerful anyway. But if what you earn or what you have in the bank is the primary way you determine your power, especially relative to a mate, then every layoff or cutback is going to have an immediate impact on the state of the relationship. It becomes him versus her instead of the two as a unit… when in most cases the unit is more powerful. As far as financial management… this is not the same as who brings home the bacon. I know lots of great earners, male and female, who are horrendous managers of money, and plenty of meager earners who know how to handle their biz. If a man and a woman are together, they need to figure out their priorities and allocate their resources accordingly. What happens with the gravy, if there is any, will matter a lot less then. The financial management skill set is not determined by gender, and couples’ success in this always depends on good communication… and my rantings come straight from the day-to-day of my profession.

    11. Amadeo, here’s hoping that old McNair holds up this fall for the Ravens. I’m not feeling too great about my Brunell-led team. I’m with you on the “equate” line, but as for the rest, guys have to be real, whether or not they shed tears. If a man cries ‘cause some woman told him it was good, doesn’t that say all you need to know right there? Real men cry, eat quiche, all that — but not all men, definitely not all the time (even often), and most definitely not because they think that’s going to get some woman’s attention. And “placate” isn’t an inherently negative term. People who only placate are weak, though, and people who always seek to be placated are stuck on themselves. Damn. Never used that word three times so closely.

    12. Antagonista and kindred sisters, I really do feel you. But the re-education should be quick. Get off the schtick and give brothers a chance, one at a time and with common sense. There are a lot of black men, and other men, who ain’t shit — true, true. But you’re not trying to be with them all. And again to quote Vee, “a single, 30+ or 40+ cat can easily sill bag a kitten. But watch how difficult it is…” That’s why I say be quick.

    13. P-City, always nice to see those letters come across the ticker. You are way enlightened. And I tend to agree, women have it harder then men, all else equal — which of course is not always the case. You’re on point, too, with the observation that confidence from men separate from romantic pursuits tends to attract women while the converse tends not to be true. But is the “temp receptionist” always a sister who needs a man to take care of her? More importantly, is the career sister “competing” for the same type of relationship that a man might — I said might — have in mind for the temp receptionist? ‘Cause yeah, men might cast a bit of a wider net for sex, but when it comes to really getting with someone, overall compatibility is still paramount. And I say that if the temp receptionist sometimes fits with the striving brother, maybe the UPS delivery guy fits with the corporate sister. Again, this is all limited by generalities… in the end it’s two people.

    14. Thanks as always, DP, BS, BC and crew for the brain food, both nutritious and delicious.

  27. the_dallas says:

    those are the greatest comments that this site has seen. We haven’t reached that illustrious feedback milestone just yet, but I won’t stop, I can’t stop trying to change the way that we move thru the world.

    DP dot com is something like a lox sandwich on a pumpernickel bagel. We aren’t for everybody, but for those of you that can stand the taste we are definitely good food.

  28. E says:

    YOU ARE SILLY AS HELL! …… you watch too many music videos

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