With a full day of games scheduled for tomorrow the 2006 NFL season is officially underway (fuck that Thursday opener bullshit).
What this really means is that by sometime in mid-October we should be reading about TONY’s KANSAS CITY having his foot pretty far up his lady’s arse. Kansas City was a horrible squad last season and they had to fire their coach because of it. The Chiefs were so bad that there was a pronounced spike in Missouri reports of domestic violence.
By now we all know that domestic violence has a definite correlation to the success of the local athletic teams. With Kansas City having the worst baseball franchise and a sucky football team it means that Missouri women will be having their azzes worn out again this winter. Rest assured K.C. ladies you won’t be the only women sporting a boot print on your Apple Bottoms. Here’s the DP dot com short list of the NFL’s domestic violence black and blue division…
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS
Expect the incidences of rape and d.v. to skyrocket as the Saints return to a rehabbed building in that still visibly battered city.
St. LOUIS RAMS
The Super Bowl champs for spousal abuse will reside in the ‘Show Me State’ as both the Chiefs and the Rams struggle to sub .500 seasons.
GREEN BAY PACKERS
The only things that come from Wisconsin are steers and wife-beating queers.
MINNESOTA VIKINGS
Domestic violence really doesn’t count in this state because you do it just to keep yourself warm.
CLEVELAND BROWNS
Representing for the dysfunction of the Buckeye state along with MAURICE CLARETT will be the Cleveland Browns
Aw hell, it’s on if the Chiefs lose today! It’s pretty much the end of the season if they do and my bookie will put a hit out on me. As for the lady, she’s been doing yoga so I might be in for an ass whopping there to . . . Only much more enjoyable and not nearly as humiliating as my favorite tax payer supported squad.
Advice for all the ladies out there in shitty football towns like mine: Make sure there are a lot of sammich supplies on hand and you may want to work on that gag reflex. It’s gonna be a long, hard (maybe just semi erect), punishing, “don’t call the cops baby you know I love you” football season.
you made me lauf out loud son…n im not even high…stay on da grind
knowing my girl’s passion for the chiefs it’s probably gonna be me and not her making the call.
after yesterday’s massacre, you might want to add tampa.