STARBUCKS is a Crackhouse!


People like to call Cisco, the classic bumwine, ‘Liquid Crack’. They are wrong though because a Cisco high is more like a bump of heroin. All you can remember is purchasing the bottle and then taking your first sip. You are on blackout status after that. And just like heroin, Cisco gives you the ‘junkie lean’.

STARBUCKS’ caramel frappucino is the real liquid crack. Hell, it’s better than crack. It’s like SUPERCRACK. Crack cocaine has a weirdly sweet smell, but it tastes really bitter and smoky. The frappucino has a sweet smell and the taste is smooth and silky, like pouring a bottle of Log Cabin syrup down your throat. The elation and euphoric rush that you get the second after you take a sip is also cracklike. You feel strong enough to carry a couch two miles on your back.

I realized that STARBUCKS’ is a lot like a crackhouse the other day when I was getting myself a frappucino. The ‘custies’ were on a first name basis with the ‘pushers’. Some of the ‘custies’ remained in the building because they knew that they would need another fix soon. The other thing about STARBUCKS’ that reminds me of drugs is how expensive it is. Yeah, you can pay for your own chai in the beginning, but soon after you are hooked you realize that you will be needing a lot more money.

From now on I think will be hanging around STARBUCKS’ bathrooms to see if I can score some head from a nice little advertising intern. I will be all like, “Hey little mama, I got 5 dollars on your triple mocha latte.”

2 Responses to “STARBUCKS is a Crackhouse!”

  1. Jessica says:

    I have been addicted to Starbucks the last few days and it’s really becoming a B-A-D habit! While searching “Starbucks +Crack”, I found your article. Very true and very well written! (I should know, I’m an English teacher!)……….

  2. Back to the Norwegian fare thing, if it was a mistake in Amadeus why wouldn’t it have impacted other travel booking websites too? Please excuse me if this is too newbie a question….

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