DALLAS PENN Is The Black Jesus…


Editor’s note: This little bit of blasphemy comes from one of the sites’ number one supporters. TONY’s KANSAS CITY took the reins right away when the call went out for guest bloggers to help fill these pages in my stead. TONY is a grade ‘A’ blogger in his own right and you folks will get to see just how sharp of a writer he is in the very near future. I appreciate the love that TONY has for my writing and if I were the Black Jesus I’d want to be the baby infant fetus Black Jesus. Think about it, the baby infant fetus Black Jesus didn’t have to worry about shit, just sucking on the placenta. Now that’s good living…

I desperately want to contribute to this site but I’m afraid that little of what I write will live up to the quality content that the D has been providing in this space. So I want you to know that I know that there’s no way I could compete, I’m just paying homage.

And while I have no idea why Dallas is going on hiatus I feel that any speculation would be crass if I clown and he subsequently ends up suffering a violent death, is sent to jail or goes on to host a program on BET… Tragic fates that seem to befall far too many African-American men. So, to start, I’ll let other folks deal with why Dallas is gone while I try to elucidate what his absence means to the Hip-Hop blogosphere by juxtaposing this catastrophic event with other comparable tragedies. Here’s a handy (lame) top five list if you’re keeping count:

5. The Day the Blogging Died – Dallas Penn as the Big Bopper? No homo. Let’s not forget that Ritchie Valens was on that plane as well and D has taught us all about not only the Mexican/African connection but also that Latinas will give you a blowjob on the toilet.

4. The absence of Dallas on this blog is akin to Professor Griff getting kicked out of Public Enemy. I know, Dallas has never really let loose on the Tall Israelis who run cRap music but I know that he has a lot of loyal fans who may end up feeling like an S1W without daily marching orders. Note: There’s still hope since I recently read that the retired S1Ws have been recalled to active duty.

3. Tupac Assassinated In Las Vegas. This example provides even more hope because to this day Tupac has a much more productive career than most glorified strippers female rappers. So it turns out there is life after death even if you lost all of your faith after a storefront preacher tried to have sex with your mom.

2. Colin Powell’s resignation from the Bush cabinet. Okay, follow me here . . . I know some people will resent the affiliation I’ve drawn but in much the same way that Dallas has regaled us with past stories of his fuckups, we all get to watch the nightly news and see the mess that Powell got us into . . . Still, Powell is known as “one of the great public servants of all time” and let’s not forget that before he pimped the Iraq war he provided a brilliant and somewhat rare (sorry it’s true) example of an African-American political leader with integrity. So it’s understandable that so many people would hope for his return.

1. Finally, Dallas Penn is the Black Jesus – We wait for his return and mostly confuse what he taught us in the meantime.

8 Responses to “DALLAS PENN Is The Black Jesus…”

  1. 40 Dawg aka "The Upper East Side Night Delivery Dude" says:

    I think this an example of making future Wig Owners and not merely looking at the collective readers as purely Wig Brushers. Way to no just hand out whiting sammiches but helping brothers learn how to fish.

  2. Alex2.0 says:

    *off topic*

    have you seen this: http://niggaspace.com/

  3. Shonquayshah says:

    last sentence in #3.
    SMH if that’s true…

  4. Amadeo says:

    Big Flashy Jesus?

  5. the_dallas says:

    ^If I could be Jesus I’d be the Jesus that sins a lot and has been known to kiss his sisters on the lips with a little bit of tongue.

    In the Mexican community they call me Hay-Soo (Jesus).

  6. Annie Christian says:

    you are going to hell with gasoline drawers on!
    TONY, with kerosene!

  7. Annie Christian says:

    I used to have that SAME picture in my dining room!

  8. the_dallas says:

    ^If you are riding with Jesus instead of GOD, the creator, the one with many names and the one with no name, then yo azz will be in Hell, doing the barb wire double dutch with all of the other prophets for profit.

    Believe dat!

Leave a Reply