As a public service to our weblog subscribers we again turn to our resident sage, the many times indicted, more often acquitted and most definitely committed CAPTAIN WILLIAM H. SUNDAY for his invaluable advice to those in love and those that are good at faking it.
THE WET SPOT EXEMPTION…
There is probably no greater nemesis to the continued union of young lovers than the dreaded wet spot. Many a young man has left the bedside of his ravished lover because he was relegated to lay upon the wet spot. It usually happens during the time that he leaves his lover’s arms and enters the washroom so that he might dry himself of the natural essences that he has acquired during a torrid session of lovemaking. When he returns to the bedroom he finds his lover has surreptitiously moved to the area of the bed that was unoccupied during the session. Given the choice of remaining overnight in the area of the bed moisture laden with natural essences and possibly water-based lubricants, he opts to depart from the premises but makes himself a sandwich first.
This situation would not have happened if this couple followed ‘BILLY SUNDAY’s Rules of Engagement : Dating and Co-habitation’. Chapter 4 deals specifically with bedside protocol. There is a thing called the ‘Wet Spot Exemption,’ granted to the partner who has done most of the heavy lifting during a lovemaking episode. When we say heavy lifting, we don’t mean just acts that require someone to physically suspend someone in the air, but maneuvers that require you to hold your breath for an extended period, place your back/vertebrae in an uncomfortable position and, lastly, endure a reasonable amount of pain. The partner that completes the greater number of these efforts should receive the ‘Wet Spot Exemption’ for that evening’s rest period.
The exemption is only valid for 24 hours or until the next episode of lovemaking (whichever comes first – pun intended). The exemption is valid for all bodily fluids and natural essences, including but not limited to: sweat, saliva, urine, body oils, male ejaculation, female ejaculation, pre-ejaculation, champagne, blood, feces, santorum, silicone/water-based lubricants, Kool-Aid, and candle wax. The exemption is non-transferable for housecleaning requirements and/or pet care duties, i.e. dog walking or litterbox refuse.
Another important point in ‘BILLY SUNDAY’s Rules of Engagement’ is that couples must be flexible in their sleeping arrangements. There should be no specific side of the bed for either person to sleep on. In this way, couples do not segregate themselves when they should be integrating. Get it… in to grating?
Anyhoo,
‘BILLY SUNDAY’s Rules of Engagement : Dating and Co-habitation’ is on sale wherever you buy your quality Negroedian literature. Please pick up a copy.