Mommy, What’s a WIG BRUSHER?

wigs

As the internets influence expands into the popular lexicon I think it’s important to clearly define some of the terms that the blogosphere has created. JIG WORDS was a celebration of the language that we use on the web. It was entertaining and informative. Using that same desire to bring information to the people made me realize the need for this drop.

I have recently been conscripted to develop content for the progressively important website ‘A Salute To Weed Carriers‘. There has been some confusion about whether a Weed Carrier and a Wig Brusher are in fact the same people since the Weed Holder and Wig Owner are often the same character. The truth is that there is a big difference between the Weed Carrier and the Wig Brusher. The Weed Carrier is highly expendable. In a way, that’s a requirement of the job. You have to be willing to take the fall for the Weed Holder. Weed Carriers keep the Weed Holder out of trouble. Without a reliable Weed Carrier in their entourages you can see what happened to SNOOP DOGG and MICHAEL VICK?

snizzle

The Wig Brusher’s responsibility to the Wig Owner is very different, but equally important. The Wig Brusher has to make sure that the Wig Owner looks good in public. If the Wig Owner’s wig is slightly askew in comes the Brusher with their brush and comb set as well as a bottle a spray sheeen to maintain thhe wigs luster. The Wig Brusher understands that the better looking the Wig Owner’s wig appears the more wigs the Wig Owner will acquire. More wigs means more brushing opportunities and subsequently wig owning possibilities for the best brushers.

ye KANGAY – WEED HOLDER/WIG OWNER
KANGAY has been running through Weed Carriers lately (nullus). LUPE, G.L.C. and the Teriyaki Boys to name a few. However, he’s kept his Wig Brusher on lock.

mimefest RHYMEFEST – OLD WEED CARRIER
I’m not sure who convinced this dude that carrying KANYE’S sacks was a bad thing, but now we have another rapper who won’t be recouping his advance money. If FESTER ciuld get a penny for every time that a Historically Black College or University band played ‘Jesus Walks’ he might have himself busfare.

cons CONSEQUENCE – NEW WEED CARRIER
KANGAY’s latest Weed Carrier loves to play dress up in YE’s closet.

Hey CONS! Closets are for clothes.


johnny cakes JOHN LEGEND – WIG BRUSHER
KANYE’s consort and number one Wig Brusher. KANGAY sketches charcoal pictures of JOHN LEGEND while he sleeps in the nude.

jayzee JAY-Z – WEED HOLDER/WIG OWNER
JAY-Z is the rap music’s number one Wig supplier. That used to be HUSTLE SIMMONS position but after years of yoga and T.I. sack spooning he couldn’t create wig owners any longer. JAY-Z has more wigs and weed than he knows what to do with, and even though his longtime Weed Carrier MEMPHIS BLEEK has been retired from active duty there’s no shortage of second rate rappers ready to hold his bags.

peedi

PEEDI CRACK – PROFESSIONAL WEED CARRIER
PEEDI PEE is one of JAY-Z’s many Weed Carriers from Philadelphia. PEEDI likes to take bubblebaths like TUPAC and DIDDY.

truly

TRU LIFE – AMATUER WEED CARRIER
From right out of the gate this Weed Carrier has stumbled and fallen. The internets went nuts after some DipSet Wig Brushers hacked into his MySpace page and gave dude a new look.

jaynas

NaSIR JONES – G.O.A.T. WIG BRUSHER
After securing victory during one of Hip-Hop’s greatest rap battles NaS chose to find himself under the wing of his archrival. In what most rap fans might call a concession, but what we call the greatest display of manhood within an almost totally childish genre. NaS’ gesture opens the door for other emcees to find common ground too. GAME and FISTY, CAM’RON and MASE, BIG BOI and ANDRE 3000? Anything is possible in the world of Wig Brushing.


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9 Responses to “Mommy, What’s a WIG BRUSHER?”

  1. twerkolator says:

    i thought the term wig brusher came from that episode of MTV’s Sweet Sixteen when LA Reid’s son had that dude brush his hair before the party. am i wrong?

  2. Alex2.0 says:

    maybe you should do a wig owners/brushers bracket to see who eventually stands at the top. (but i think either oprah or clive davis would win it all for the owners and either gayle or kelly rowland would top the brushers side.)

  3. miss ahmad says:

    something about consequence’s denture make me a tad bit uncomfortable.

    he looks like he could slip up and take your whole nipple off with one wrong move, and for that I’m gonna rename him Teeth Brusher!

  4. Quayshah says:

    years of yoga and T.I. **sack spooning**

    please don’t tell me that this is what i think it is…

    do you mean to tell me that Hustle is for really- really ghey?

    and does he put the nuts directly in the oral cavity or does he hold them with a cereal spoon like Nut’ Honey?

    dallas…you are hilarious.

    thank you for helping me in this crazy transition i am going thru…i just come to this site and i know that i am going to laugh like a hyena at some shit you have written! sometimes i pee just a little, but most of the time i get that oxygen depravation high from trying to suppress the laughter!

  5. Quayshah says:

    @ miss ahmad’s comment

    if i choke on my food, i will sue you for wrongful death.

    Quayshah
    19??-2007
    death by missahmadicide

  6. Nash says:

    Back in the day when Jay used to wear jerseys.

  7. Nigeria says:

    Snoop has that ‘don’t question me’ look in his eye.

  8. Many thanks. You’re so useful

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