ben wallace

BEN WALLACE: He makes SHAQ O’NEAL brush his wigs…

Before we get fully into this drop I just wanted to take a hot second to shout out a couple of my peeps on the internets for doing their thing.

REBEL Mag Dot Com is the brainchild of DP Dot Com football pooler MR.KAMOJI. I haven’t seen KAMOJI on the web as much lately and that’s because he has been on his grizzly for the relaunch of this site. KAMOJI is a fan of art, music, culture and beautiful things. I expect to see nothing less than the aforementioned at this site. Bookmark it and blogroll it. Chea!

Bronx River Parkway – Yo, I don’t know who the fuck runs this site but they do a helluva job collecting daily links from all the best weblogs in the game. I love the name of the site too. East 233rd is my peoples!


There is a dip in the crime rate nationally when the Association starts the annual playoffs. Is it because all the thugs are watching basketball or is it that basketball players are off the streets? As wealthy as the average b-ball player is they can afford to hire someone to beat up their girlfriends.

I thought we could a look at some of the famous players around the league and determine if they were Wig Owners or Wig Brushers just by how their overall game stacks up. As far as the Association goes, you can be a leading scorer and still be a Wig Brusher at heart. Keep in mind that DENNIS RODMAN would never win a scoring title, but when he played for San Antonio he was the league’s leading rebounder and defensemen. DAVID ROBINSON was still stuck on stupid with that gotdamned flattop so he never brushed DENNIS’ wigs (although Madonna did). When DENNIS got the call to play in Chi-Town and brush his Airness’ wigs he stepped back into Brusher mode. DENNIS RODMAN could go both ways. No DENNIS RODMAN platinum golden wig to that last sentence.



At this stage of his career A.I. should look to be an M.V.P. in the Wig Brushing category. He still has skills but he can’t be effective as a first or SECOND option. Don’t tell him that though because he will take it out on his girlfriend. CARMELO ANTHONY can score a lot during the regular season, but when the playoffs come around I smell pussy. And to think, he was the cat that called KEVIN GARNETT a homo.




So you ask me who owns the wigs on the Mavericks if it isn’t DIRK? JOSH HOWARD and JASON TERRY do. DIRK can hit a jumper or two and the refs call a gang of fouls on his behalf, but if the refs swallow their whistles DIRK goes from being a seven foot dude to MUGGSY BOGUES height, minus the heart. DIRK misses brushing his ace’s wigs. STEVE NASH and DIRK used to have wild times on Ridgemont High.




Two time M.V.P. Wig Owner to you. At first I wasn’t feeling this dude because I didn’t think that his game was all of that, but after I saw that he came out publicly against the war in Iraq I thought that he might be one of those cool azz anti-supremacy white boys. The fact that the Suns play lights out for him is beside the fact. The Suns are going to pwn the Lakers tonight.



Like I said before, scoring doesn’t make you a Wig Owner. Helping people to maintain their own personal wigs is the start. Everything KOBE does is for his own wigs. He had the opportunity to be a part of a dynastic team but his greed for additional wigs for himself and none for DEREK FISCHER or TYRON LUE would show his true colors.


Dry snitching on SHAQUILLE O’NEAL as a philanderer wasn’t a good look either. Shame on you KOBE BRYANT for breaking the time honored tradition of ‘Bros Before Hos’.

ben wallace


First off, let me say that BEN WALLACE is a man! He consistently eats SHAQ’s food on the regulack. The myth of SHAQUILLE O’NEAL means nothing to BEN. How are you going to be the NBA Champs and get swept out of the first round. Those ‘S’ logos that SHAQ has all around him are going to have to stand for ‘Shape up or Sit the fuck down and Shut up’

ben wallace

ben wallace

Even JESSE is trying to get right by letting his own wig grow out a lil’ something something.



My advice to JASON is to get as far away from that succubus as you can. Between his wife’s conniving and his son’s massive domepiece JASON KIDD is up to his eyeballs in wig brushing duties. Brushing his son’s wig alone must take up an entire afternoon. Easily. Look at shorty’s nugget and tell me I’m lying.


That shit was fucked the fuck up how JOUMANA KIDD got JASON pinched by the 5-0 on some domestic battery shit. She came to the table on some ho shit and now she mad because he likes hos?!? She got him so shook that she is gonna file another charge with the police this dude is down to be photographed by sports magazines taking family bubblebaths. Get your balls back JASON, and I’m not talking about that microfiber shit either.




What’s so good about LeBRON? Everything. He has the personality and the work ethic to be one of the league’s greatest wig owners evar. LeBRON takes the game on the court seriously, but off the court playboy is smoother than the other side of the pillow. Have you seen his NIKE commercials? Them joints is fire. Just like his kicks.


Even on a twisted ankle LeBRON made short work of the Wizards. Whether it’s Toronto or the Nets that go to Cleveland for the second round they won’t stand a chance. LeBRON is teaching his brushers how to become owners.

Plus the LeBRON JAMES action figure set at KidRobot is straight lava flames.


19 Responses to “WIG OWNERS > WIG BRUSHERS: The 2007 NBA Playoffs”

  1. nerditry says:

    maaaaaan, LeBron is for sure not a wig owner yet. he’s on a team full of brushers and bald dudes and doesn’t get anywhere near the team respect that nashy does.

    if he does get out of the 2nd round, he’ll still have to beat a better detroit or shitcago squad and he doesn’t have the activator for it.

    upcoming wig owner = baron davis

  2. Candice says:

    I had a well thought out response to this post but Jason’s Kidd’s son threw me way off. No wonder they keep his hair shaved off….Brushing that would be a full time job.

  3. 40 "Straight Outta Wakanda" Dawg says:

    I love the chapters of “Wig Brushing/Owning” on DP.com helps truly give structure to the celebrity world. US Weekly or PEOPLE Mag need to holler and column this out homie.

    The Lebron IV in all black – Definitely my fave kicks I’ve copped in the last 8-10 months… In fact that splendiforous centerfold shot of them I have to dust mine off and break them out.

    But with all of LBJ’s “Wig Owning”, remember he’s one of Jay’s most loyal Brushers as well. The question for Bron-Bron is:

    Is he gonna be Ken Griffey Jr. or Derek Jeter?

  4. alex2.0 says:

    you’re giving lebron props for sweeping the wizards? and not just any wizards team…one without 2 of their top players? c’mon dp!!!

    wig owners dont cry

    and just for the hell of it…

  5. . And to think, he was the cat that called KEVIN GARNETT a homo.

    ^^^ yo I need a link for that, Hilarity. And DP Steve Nash is the truth


    ^^^Yo Dallas look at these if i could get my hands on a sz10 I would be eternally greatfull to god…..these give me a hard on(no Baby watching Weezy Spit that Lava)

  6. Combat Jack says:

    C:\Documents and Settings\ro65517\Temporary Internet Files\OLK1272refs.htm

  7. Jigg says:

    Lebron got pwned by Jamison get off his balls.

  8. nikki indigo says:

    this is a good list. you should do an old school wig brusher vs. wig owner. i’d love to see where cats like malone, gary payton (in his prime) and bill cartright would stack up.

  9. Tony says:

    HOLY SHIT!!!

    I MUST HAVE those black Darth Vader looking kicks! Nice really nice and you’re right about LeBron . . . Those shoes alone make put him higher up the food chain.

  10. the_dallas says:

    ^^ I feel a kind of way after peeping the ‘Fruity Pebbles’ since I designed a pair of Air Max 180 that I also named ‘Fruity Pebbles’.

    Hmmmm, I need to ask Izzy at the Nike Design Lab who put that nickname to those shoes.

    What is that? It has no hypertext protocol.

  11. nerditry says:

    dallas: i think that the fruity pebble design has been used on other shoes before the upcoming brons. what kinda word can i get on the charles barkley cb’s coming back in some form or another? missed out when I was younger, won’t happen again.

  12. sasha says:

    just the diversion i needed from this looming real estate financing final……

    dry snitching? baby kidd’s ‘nugget’? my spirits are lifted.

    though i hate kobe i’m a laker gal til i die. he’ll give another pink toe some ass stitches and maybe voluntarily retire. then my team will come back. overly optimistic i know. just don’t wanna keep his candy ass around til he’s 35. that would suck. hard.

    back to the grind.

  13. Brokeham says:

    the size of that nugget

  14. CommishCH says:


    It was Melo’s ex-teammate Francisco Elson who called out KG. His quote was something along the line that the way KG played was “gay.” Great putdown in the mind of 4th graders everywhere, Francisco. Figures the Powder Blue Patrol let him leave via free agency to play with the Spurs, where Tim Bug Eye Duncan once called the dress code “retarded”

  15. Vee says:

    ^Dallas, I got the Super-Hero package. CD is cool. I’m gotta send you something in the mail soon. THanks!

    . . . I think I’ll cop Lebron at Kid Robot.

    I try to stick up for Dirk. He’s another no-show in the Finals. A great player by far but he’s not able to do it on the big stage. If the Mavericks don’t make it out of the first round, I’m sure that the sports media will wish they handed Nash his 3rd MVP trophy.

    Kobe will become a certified owner soon.
    – Eventually Luke Walton might come into his own and become the third option while Bynum is still in his big-man development stage.
    – Lamar Odom, Queens represents.
    – Kwame Brown was a first round pick out of high school.
    – Sports Illustrated noted that the Lakers need to get Kid, Garnett, or Jermaine ONeal. Kobe needs help. Scoring 30 pts a night just isn’t enough anymore.

    Does anyone remember the last time Shaq was in shape during the regular season?

  16. the_dallas says:

    “Does anyone remember the last time Shaq was in shape during the regular season?”

    For his entire career it’s been good enough for him to just be big. It’s not enough anymore and Ben Wallace eats his food just to show him what’s really ‘hood.

  17. Vee says:

    Dirk scored only 8 points. Warriors move on towards the semis.

  18. LOL, yall be hatin!

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