Babygirl Loves My Gadgets…


But will it hold a warm spoon to my nutsachs?

I’m not about to knock the fools camping out in front of the Apple store to buy their iPhones. I have a similar passion for my kicks although I’m way past the age for sitting in front of a store overnight. In our hyper-materialistic culture things like gadgets, sneakers and accessories define our subsets to outsiders. I’ve watched strangers on the subway connect over something as ubiquitous as a Blackberry device. The goal is to attach oneself to an exclusive club of users (read: consumers). To this end the hyperdrive hype machine that has been touting the iPhone has been in full effect. The Zune has been rendered a paperweight. I have one that is still inside the packaging. I would like to give it away in a DP Dot Com prize pack but no one wants the shit.

Where MicroSoft fails in marketing is where Apple triumphs. MicroSoft marketed the Zune device as something that was “cool”. Apple marketed the iPhone as something that was exclusive. Nobody wants anything that their grandmother thinks is cool, but everyone wants something they think no one else can afford. Apple speaks to something in the American pysche that is cooler than cool. Classism is ice cold baby. The ability to look at someone with a KRZR or Blackberry device and laugh out loud with derision is the American dream. Look ma, I’ve made it, and my iPhone is just the ticket.

One thing I’ve come to learn about gadgets and trinkets is that babygirls love them. A dude like me becomes hot with an iPhone in his hand. I go from a lowly iNternets Celebrity all the way up to Electronic Devices Celebrity. Let’s face it, women love handheld electronics, especially those that can purr and vibrate. Purchasing the new iPhone isn’t just about securing the latest in portable micro-technology, it’s about making an investment in summertime poontang. Why else do you think I call my girlfriend a PlayStation?

18 Responses to “Babygirl Loves My Gadgets…”

  1. thoreauly77 says:

    hey dallas! i want the zune! i can’t afford an mp3 player and i need music for the bike rides me and my daughter go on (though i own a maxima and a 63 AMC rambler, i prefer to ride my bike with addie’s baby-buggy attached so as not to kill the planet/buy gas!). do a contest on obscure punk-rock or something!

  2. thoreauly77 says:

    and oh yeah i am digging the nintendo girl!

  3. Meka Soul says:

    damn white women. they’re gonna be the death of me.

  4. FreshWilliams says:

    Damn dude, I could definitely use that zune man, my old nano is FUCKED THE FUCK UP

  5. the_dallas says:

    Okay, so we will run a contest for the Zune

  6. Lion XL says:

    Eliteism/Classism..ptah…you dont need to buy new shit to make yourself look better than everyone else. This how you do it….while every one was running out and getting Ipods, I spent $30 on NetMD(mini disc) and when the warm bodies look at you strange, you grin and say ‘well, this does the same thing that does, its cheaper, and Ive had it for years(which is a lie) and dont think the IPOD offers anything this doesnt’. So now you look the inside man, with the exclusive intel thats been doin things for years and thier now playin catchup–Instant points with the warm bodies!

  7. Combat Jack says:

    subtlely brilliant!

  8. jdotnicholas says:

    ^ LIONXL –

    I cosign on MiniDiscs. In an odd way it’s more manageable than an ipod list anyway – where you just kinda throw shit on an ipod because you’ve got the room – the Minidisc you can make some dope mixes and keep stepping.

    My last one gave up the ghost, so I’m on the fringe with a ‘non-apple MP3 device’.

  9. Where the fuck did you get that picture from?!

    I need to get one of my hoes to do that with my turbo Graffix. But the card games right over da nips…..

    I hate AT&T, but I’d be lyin if I said that I didint want a iphone. Pure exclusiveness.

  10. ill take that zune off your hands….wtf does “zune” mean anyway and who came up with such a garbage name? That only is bad marketing.

  11. miss ahmad says:

    i am not gonna lie, the iPhone is a potential panty dropper this summer…I’m just saying!

  12. wow @ that pic dallas….fucka iphone..I want my microsoft surface table!

  13. I’d holla at a Zune

  14. Candice says:

    So does the iPhone actually purr and vibrate? The ladies need to know.

  15. Misha says:

    What really hapens is that gadgets are an extention of a mans Penis! More gadgets=greater size thats why when you all pull out your shiny new gadgets and show them to each other, its like a grown up pissing contest

  16. 911 says:

    Looks down @ limited edition 24k trimmed air 1’s…shakes head…I’ve been duped and I have no clue on how to un-train myself…

  17. […] Apple touches is gold” camp (Dallas Penn has the best theory about how those dudes at Apple swindle you into loving their ish). The iPhone promises full Internet browsing, intergrated email, visual voicemail, and even Google […]

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