What’s the smell party people? We’re knee deep into the summer now so I hope you cats are getting your swerve right. What is better than the summer for hooking up with some strange poon and stretching that love into the fall? Not past Thanksgiving though, because that is when you enter gift giving season with Chanukkah and Kwanzaa around the corner. The idea is to find someone that you can pick up again after Valentime’s Day. That may sound like the mythic Holy Grail of poontang, but I am here to show you how to bag up one of these summertime jumpoffs.
It ain’t where you’re from, it’s where you’re at and you need to put yourself in some particular locations in order to secure the perfect jumpoff that will be intrigued to your slightly uncouth mannerisms. Hoodrats are out of the question because they already know game. The type of chicks that you want to hook up with are almost nerds themselves. Sexy female nerds that work in advertising or telecommunications. These broads have good jobs and can afford to pay for their own Chipotle. Peep some of the locations and techniques for you to smash some quality action…
The Library
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it sounds corny, but trust me, a chick that can read is usually more freaky than a broad who just watches the tube. Go read some Victorian-era erotic romance novels while your there in the library. That shit is all about bondage, rape and submission. Good shit. The library will always be good money ground zero for bagging up official nerd chicks.
The Laundromat
True story is that I was having poetry readings at the Clean-Rite on Fulton Street. If you came through and read some work I would give you free fabric softener. It was a pop off for a few weeks thanks in part to the movie ‘Love Jones’. The laundry is sick if you stay focused. You can peep the types of underwear that a shorty wears which will alert you to your prospect’s freak flag. Avoid the chicks with several pairs of crotchless drawls. You don’t want to fall in love with a stripper.
The Department of Motor Vehicles
The DMV is another great spot because this lets you know that shorty has some kind of whip. It’s always playerific to be driven around by your shorty. Your advantage to introducing yourself are the long lines and the fact that everyone hates coming to the DMV. Strike up a convo, but try not to sound like a cornball. Tell honey that you are getting your license re-instated after your suspension from driving the getaway car in a bank robbery. Then laugh afterwards and say that your are joking, but not really.
The Church
Whoa. Relax. There is nothing sacrilegious about going to church to bag up a lunchable. What’s more righteous than the union of man, woman and child? She doesn’t have to know that you are going to avoid the child part. Plus there are hundreds of different types of churches that you can fuck with. I prefer the Catholic churches because they have the hot-blooded Latin broads. Their repressed Catholic upbringing has them ready to almost give you head in the church basement. And you don’t even want to know how the rectory got it’s name.
The Supermarket
Supermarkets like Whole Foods are the hottest new meeting spaces. You can monitor the lifestyle of someone by the groceries they consume. You can also fool a broad into thinking that you might have some culture when you pick out some weird vegetable or a stinky ass cheese. I go to Whole Foods when I am looking for some of the “other” white meat, and no, I don’t mean lean pork. Here’s an important question that I like to ask chicks… Garlic or cilantro? If she says cilantro then you want to fuck with her. Garlic? Not so much.
The MySpace
After several years MySpace is still doing its thing. Facebook is a little more classy, but if you are trolling the internets looking for something tender to smash then who cares which site you use as long as she is cute in the face and small in the waist. Hell, get your ass on fucking BlackPlanet or MiGente if you have to. Just don’t let August roll around and you are still masturbating. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
So there you have it players and playerettes, your cousin BILLY SUNDAY’s guide to getting yourself right this summer. Love? What’s love got to do with it?
Don’t sleep on the STD clinic neither. At least you know the gals there put out.
Did you say “bag up a lunchable”? **dead**
Is that a picture of TAM? LOL…if it is, she is gonna whoop yo azz.
OMG!!!! I can’t believe you put my face on BLAST on your post!! HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…
And Candice is right….if I didn’t love yo ass SO much, I just MIGHT come out there and whoop yo azz! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Dang…I kinda miss my hair looking back at that picture. You pic jacked my myspace pics! HAHAHA…you’re a nut man!! But I still heart you!
^ Shhh – Stop Snitching
Don’t forget The Hamptons… I cleaned up out there on Saturday. Now I got a date with an equestrian trainer who’s gonna teach me how to jump fences on my pimped out Clydesdale.
That was pimp what you did with Tam’s picture. And the perfect picture to boot! Appropo to what you are talking about. . .The best week ever starts right now!!
LOL Remind me not to email your behind any pictures.
40….just don’t get in the car with Lizzie Grubman.
How about County Fairs there is all kinds of bitches there, especially the bar sections and whatnot…… I took a girl there a few weeks ago and my head was on a swivel, no Mike Vick
Thanks Candice I wont. LOL…. Plus she’s Cobb Salad chopped anyway.
^ 40,
You ain’t never lie. I got high with Lizzie after her trial. I would still smash, but I am a beast.
http://tinyurl.com/2sxhbw
^^ funny ish by Phonte of LIttle Brother check it
You forgot the best place of all, THE TRAIN! First of all you can guess by the attire what industry she is in and second of all, you can pretty much start of with a comment about how hot and funky it is down there and see where that goes!
My job usees a temp agency/dating agency. A unlimited rotation of Young single mom’s looking to hook a full time employee or be awarded a settlement from a bogous sexual harrasment lawsuit. Those other spots are good too.
Well…since I live near the beach…that’s always a decent place to meet someone. You can get a look at their body damn near nude before bumpin uglies! I’ve also noticed that dads are making a huge hit by pickin their kids up from school… *A’hem* which is the reason why I don’t let my husband pick the kids up…I guess it’s ok, if you don’t mind the ring n’all. That ain’t MY THANG, but some folks get down like that…
Tam….you ain’t lying girl.
At my sons kindergarten graduation, the Director came over and told my husband and I that three women inquired about my husband’s status before the diplomas were even handed out.
Kindergarten is the new myspace/Jones Beach/Grants Tomb/First Friday Happy Hour.
^Yup!
Commuter bus is also the shiz, and you alreday know they have some sort of DECENT job, cuz you can’t ride those on the cheap (at least not in NY). If was still single, or had no values, it would be my lottery jackpot.
I just wish them mugly chicks would leave me alone……
How come no one wants to step up and rep Planned Parenthood? If you can handle the war pics that Dallas has posted lately and still keep it at high noon on the sundial, the world is your fertilized oyster.
This is the best post of the summer. Good lookin out for the homies DP.
the gym, anyone? at the very least the women there could take a meeting [that’s m-e-A-t-i-n-g] and still have enough energy to make you a 2-piece & a biscuit afterwards.
and to answer your question re: “So Mek, how do you really feel about Fisty?”
if he never caught that metal lungie in his mouth, he wouldn’t have been on ‘roids & painkillers to suppress the pain, which means he woulda never gotten a deal at aftermath because he wouldn’t have been able to bounce his tittyballs in the interview a la the mr. olympia coontest [ayooo…], which means he still woulda came out with “power of the dollar,” which would have bricked, thus reducing him to low-level mixtape rapper a la maino & gravy.
and i would have loved every song he came out with.
hilarity, I fucks (no iFux) wit it…
Seriously, the best place to bag mad purty puerto rican and dominican broads is on the visiting bus to rikers island, especially during the week days. when i was heavy in the music game and had to visit clients, i noticed the bus FILLED with pyt’s. Ask a broad how long her “boo” is gonna be in and 9 outta 10, if it’s over 3 years, and yer game aint half whack, youre in like Flint. TRUST!
LOL I’m in church every Sunday reading scriptures upside down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL
I got a jumpoff at the DMV and we still kick it 3 years later.
Also good is the short-order cook at the back of the deli who takes your order, or any cable or phone repairman in the right age range. The theme for this search is basically that the felony didn’t stop his shine.
Tell honey that you are getting your license re-instated after your suspension from driving the getaway car in a bank robbery. Then laugh afterwards and say that your are joking, but not really.
^^ LMAO I was dying when I read that. Who is the shorty in the pic? She is dope. *logs onto MySpace*