Let me preface this drop with the universal [ll] symbol since SANDRA BERNHARD has more faggotry followers than CHER. Only ghey men sweat out CHER, but the fudgeworth community as a whole diggs on SANDRA. Most of you remember her from her affair with Madonna.
The Material Girl got at SANDRA in order to get her ghey connections. This was the whole vogue movement that Madonna was using at the time. When Madonna was through with being a fag hag she left SANDRA on the side of the curb with her used eyeliner pencils.
I came on to SANDRA BERNHARD when Ma Dukes gave me the Playboy magazine she was featured in for my birthday.
It must be that redheaded thing that I love so much, but I just find SANDRA to be a sexy bitch. Mostly it’s that redheaded shit though. A few years ago SANDRA let some dude pop the slot. At least I hope she did. All this artificial insemination shit has to stop. GOD doesn’t love coochies that bring life like science projects.
When SANDRA gets all dolled up she is a middle aged white banger, considering that most white meat(no Thanksgiving) goes bad kind’a early. As a matter of fact, now that SANDRA has a seed I can technically bang her as part of my M.I.L.F. reclamation project. One thing for sure is that SANDRA’s seat won’t have all the excessive manhood meat mileage of Madge’s badger beaver.
Yeah, I just said that.
I actually used to like Sandra Bernhard from her days back when she was tight with Richard Pryor and Mr. Paul Mooney (depending on how old you are, you know where I’m going with this already).
She ended up getting a huge following amongst Black folks and gays simultaneously. She also regularly stayed up under either a Black dude or some bad ass chick that made you go “Say word?”
It still cracks me up that she and Madonna stopped being friends after Madonna snaked her chick out from underneath her (literally)..I kinda don’t blame her cuz shorty was bananas. I’m pretty sure if given the chance I’d pipe that broad Disco Era-in-the-basement-of-54 steez.
Who else remembers when John Salley had Sandra Bernhard AND Jaime Pressly both on his BET talk show as guests? The next day he brought through Jenna Von Oy and Jamie Foxx was a guest that day and said to him:
“You just fufilling fantasies this week huh, Sal?”
One.
Dart,
You already know my steez. I would play Sandra close because she is a fucking muse.
If you judge a broad by her face you may miss out on that cunt with the siren’s call.
I would smash Sandra for days just for some of her Pryor(prior) experience.
YEah and you could rest your meat in the gap between her teeth. I’m sorry that is some TI Puss and she looks, smells and sounds too much like (the child molesting) Woody Allen. Rosario Dawson, Eve Mendes or something with some flavor. Next you’ll be lusting after the human waterbug NEW YORK. Yuck, yuck fuking yuck. Ernie
she’s prolly got some battery acid snatchatolie. the type of shit that turns a pair of “boy short” panties into crotchless if she skips a day. when she tells you that she doesn’t wear drawls, it’s not for the reason you might think.
^ Ernie,
First off, Rosario Dawson is my fucking wife. True story is that she kissed my car windshield when I left this downtown party and told her that I loved her.
She is bringing that Hollywood glamour shit back. So don’t even sweat me and Rosario because we are in love.
Ernie you stay tryin to ruin my fantasy bitches even though you did mail me that Vanessa Williams O.G. Penthouse.
If a no-talent opportunistic who-are like Madge can find a pot of gold from that twat a nigga like me can unearth the buried treasure that Richard Pryor left there.
The universe is created inside of the black holes Ernie, and the insides of all of Sandra’s holes is black.
True fuckin’ story.
Please can I smell your hand (for Rosario) and if you have a fetish for Woody (child molester 10x worse than R. Fuckkin Kelly) Allen Female look alikes you get no competition from me. Eat all you want of that rancid alien TI puss pie.
PS Just watched a Rosario movie that twisted my head like the little girl in the Exorcist. It’s called “Chelsea Walls” She looks like an angel and reads poetry so softly your Johnson will be as hard As GW’s head or as hard as Cheany’s heart.
If Rosario ever leaves you out of friendship for you I’ll take care of her and see that she never needs money, love, friendship, boning, a photographer, a place to lay her head or whatever her wide eyed, thick lipped, wonder woman ass could ever fantasize about. How’s that for friendship? Ernie
PS if you can hit Sandy and not vomit I want you as my bodyguard. Anyone who can maintain while looking in her grill and hearing that seagull pitched voice is HARDBODY enough to keep me safe in the valleys of despair called Rap Concerts.
And if Richard hit that now I know why he had to snort such copious amounts of blow to drown out that imprinted memory.
Ernie
I am creating a new rating system for desirability. It is
YE+(yes 0-9) or YU- (yuck 0-9)
At first I thought that Dallas was tripping from ingesting all the toxic chemicals inherent in cheap B O D E G A foods and quarter waters when he said he wanted to plow the fetid nether regions of the queen of TI Poon MR./MRS Sandra Bernhardt.
Then after much meditation I realized instead it was in keeping with his kindness that he wanted to share his wood with the less fortunate aka a mercy hump. Since MR./MRS Sandra is (in my unbiased rating system) a YU-8 I knew Dallas was def on some charity ish.
So to further aid and abet his skank/skunk hunt I am doing my share by contributing a list of least desirable females who would benefit from his Wood Sharing. If he does his magic with them I will send him a boxed set of one dozen 16 x 20″ prints of my classic Hip Hop Images signed which include my shots of Lauren Hill, Tupac, Big Pun, BIG, Mary J Blige, Rakim, Run DMC, Snoop, and more. Here is the list
YU-9 Ann Coulter
YU-3 (for size alone, we love her but she needs to eat one less hog a day) Aretha
YU-5 Oprah
Yu-9 1/2 Condomleeza (Dallas gets triple points if he can maintain while looking down into those beady eyes and knowing GW hits it on the regular)
Yu-4 Erayka Badu ( Dallas will be wearing knitted kufis the very next day)
And for a triple double a real test of his wood-YU-9 Hillary (YUCK)
Dallas are you up to the task at hand, you must send polaroids to prove you got deep in the valleys in question and in humility if you do even one of these lovelies you are a better man with a stronger stomach than me. Ernie Paniccioli-Author of “Who Shot Ya?” and winner Best Documentary 1997 Big Apple Film Festival for “The Other Side of Hip Hop”
Awe hell naw, You fuckers are on some extra crystallized blueberry (not that that’s a bad thing) but damn. Sure she looks good in that first and third pics but whoever photoshopped that piece is the next Picasso.
All that said, I’d hit……with extra foggy bear goggles
(No Doogie Howser) on the “bear” goggles misprint.
I thought I was crazy back in the day. When she used to guest on Letterman, during her heyday, I thought she was a sexy bitch, even though she had dog mug for days. I hear u D, nothing better then seeing an ugly chick’s sex appeal. Most cats don’t have that ability. I’d hit it then and now.
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