G.O.A.T. Classic Rap Jam Cage Match…

ll cool g rap

Today’s drop is co-produced by the good peoples over at UNKUT. Preserving Hip-Hop one IP address at a time.

*Also check out OhWord as they drop the science on their 2007 swagger*

The idea was previously presented by 40 Diesel that LL Cool J’s LP version of ‘Rock The Bells’ is arguably the G.O.A.T. rap jam. The overall length of the song and the verbosity combined with braggadocio lends credit to this argument. LL is an absolute beast on this track as he rhymes for over seven minutes. Another rap song of this length has not been recorded since with a single artist performing all the lyrics.

It was over twenty years ago that my mother began her career as a public school teacher. She taught special education classes throughout Brooklyn and Queens. At the Queens School For Career Development she had a student who claimed to be the real author for ‘Rock The Bells’. My mother didn’t believe him because he lied about everything else. It turns out the kid was right after all when my mom showed me the article in the newspaper where her student finally settled up with LL.

Let’s face it, LL was too pretty to be that good of a lyricist. Whoever wrote his shit must have been ugly as hell. Those are traditionally the best lyricists in the game. Think of Cyrano de Bergerac. That motherfucker was uglier than Medusa, but he could get a chick to peel off her pants like wrapping paper. Speaking of rapping… Who is the G.O.A.T.? Jay-Z is certainly ugly as fuck and arguably the greatest rapper of all time. B.I.G. was notoriously ugly and he was also effing great. It takes a little more than being ugly.

Kool G Rap is definitely as ugly as the ugliest rappers of all time, but Kool G Rap spit his lyrics at over 100mph with no brakes and a LISP! That has to rank G Rap at or near the absolute top of the rap immortals pantheon. It’s the equivalent of being a professional athlete while missing an appendage. Just as an aside, bigg up to JIM ABBOTT.


*Now this nigga could’a used some steroids, or some HGH, or some fucking stem cells to grow his hand back. But I digress…

When considering Kool G Rap for possible G.O.A.T. status we have to consult with one of the premier Hip-Hop fans of all time. There are no details contained in the cosmology of Hip-Hop that occurred between 1985 and 1995 that escape the knowledge of professor Dr.UnKut ROBBIE ETTLESON. Especially when concerning the legendary career of Kool G Rap you must consult the vast archives of UnKut. The song that we are delivered as the manifesto of G Rap’s dominance is the track ‘Men At Work‘.

The song clocks in a little over five minutes with 932 total words and 54 polysyllabic terms. Listening to Kool G Rap is an exercise in touching the rewind button. Without question this is the greatest machine gun spit in the history of Hip-Hop. ‘Men At Work’ certainly sits next to ‘Microphone Fiend’ and ‘Rock The Bells’ as nominees for the G.O.A.T. title. For even more clarity on Kool G Rap’s incredible lyrical prowess listen to some acappella verses of ‘Men At Work’. One word – FIYAH!!!!

18 Responses to “G.O.A.T. Classic Rap Jam Cage Match…”

  1. FatBoY says:

    Yeah Kool G Rap is mos def in the top 5 mcs list.

    The number one spot will always be the subject of discussion.

    But lets not forget Kool G also had superhead before she was superhead.

    Ever since I found out he was her baby daddy, I wondered how the fuck he scooped her up.
    We all can agree that she is a smut now, but she is and always has been fine ass hell. Don’t believe me, check out some of her old video whoring days. Especially the joint she did with Mystical “Danger”.

  2. Amadeo says:

    People didn’t like me…but I always said Pun was on fine line of using Kool G’s form.

    My vote for No. 1 will always be Melle Mel

  3. 40 says:

    I’ll give you “Men At Work” as a contender. Its of the same caliber of some of the best larynx flexing in hip-hop history. I’d even rank it over your beloved “Microphone Fiend” (but not better than “Lyrics Of Fury”), and in the same category of Kane’s “Nuff Respect”. In respect to this thread I think the Kool Genius of Rap takes the crown in “The Symphony”.

  4. Ass Hat says:

    your ugly rapper cosmology is rather new york-centric, no? the dirty south has ugly rappers on lock. they’re not as good at rapping, mind you.

  5. Combat Jack says:

    Cot-damn I forgot how hot Kool G. was.!!! He effin murdered that beat. I always gave Kane more points as an emcee based on 1. his Brooklyn heritage 2. Kane’s level of swagger (which Jay-Z completely swagger-jacked (no subliminal)) 3. his ability to truly perform (rap + dance).

  6. You know when 40 went in on the original LL post, I was in awe straight up and down No D-Ride. Dude dropped the knowledge and I picked up and ate it all of it. When life gives you a plate of meat, eat that shit cuz mad kids are starving

  7. *Now this nigga could’a used some steroids, or some HGH, or some fucking stem cells to grow his hand back. But I digress…

    ^^ ^*jumps into school of pirahnas*

    Yo Dallas I always thought to be GOAT you have to have the whole package[||] Rhymes, Swag, Influence, Live Show, Catalog etc etc …….So doesnt that make Jay the Goat, Sorry NaS

  8. the_dallas says:

    If Cool J is in your town, see that show homey. I saw him do a set this summer that was 45mins long and he NEVER stopped bouncing.

  9. Eloheem * says:

    “Another rap song of this length has not been recorded since with a single artist performing all the lyrics.”

    Joe Buddens – “10 mins” (10 mins)

    Can I Bus “Poet Laureate II” (7 mins)

    Never really was a Cool J fan but I got nough respect for him as an artist + his live show is crazy.

    Good drop

  10. IMHO in term of rap skills, lyricism, flow, live show, freestyle skills, versatility, discography, & a 15 yr track record w/o ever fallin off

    GOAT = Black Thought of the Legendary Roots Crew

  11. omegaSB says:

    road to riches is such an ill album

  12. Belize says:

    >Now this nigga could’a used some steroids, or some HGH, or some fucking stem cells to grow his hand back. But I digress…


  13. Dart_Adams says:

    *Rap Nerd Alert!*

    In reference to LL’s rhyming ability at an early age, Just Ice claims that one of L’s older cousins wrote many of his earlier rhymes. LL supposedly began writing his own joints because he tried to squeeze him for cash.

    Of course, LL wrote “Is It Live?” and “Perfection” for Run DMC as well.

    In conclusion:

    Kool G Rap> LL Cool J


  14. Zilla Rocca says:

    I remember a few months ago when the original post on “Rock the Bells” was up and I commented that there was NO WAY IN HELL Uncle L wrote those bars.

    I was mildly chastised and pushed aside because hopping on LL’s pubis was cool that week on some “Hey even though he’s wack as hell, back in the day James Todd could get it in!”

    It’s no shock to me that LL did not write that. That was his Brady Anderson moment, and that sideburned prick definitely spiked his numbers by creaming and clearing. LL had one hell of a ghostwriter. I wish for the sake of hip hop he still employed the dude.

  15. thoreauly77 says:

    word? then RTB doesnt count and g rap wins by default. there is a track by aesop rock called “facemelter” than clocks in at over 5 minutes and is indeed a facemelter. the song addresses ignoramuses who dismiss him as just being a weirdo as opposed to the true emcee that he is. need audio?

  16. Robbie says:

    ^ No thanks. Aesop can write complex shit but listening to him is like having a kidney stone removed, “Deadwood” style.

  17. KiNGrEX says:

    Yo When the gats reveal
    You cats get peeled and that’s the deal
    Fuck a bitch-ass that switch fast niggas that lack the real
    When the slugs burst
    G.Rap be aiming at your mug first
    Niggas is blood thirst
    We’ll see who get plugged worst
    We dug earth
    The place you put the nickel-plate is to your facial
    Bullets ain’t racial kid the only hate you
    My nine will seem like it’s a time machine B.C. date you
    Jacking you more than ripper
    My fifth’s an organ shifter
    The human organism lifter
    You’ll be hearing organs
    If ya leaving orphans, If ya
    Let these fours hit ya where the law split ya
    A fork pitcher
    To bump heads with those that dump lead
    Accurate shot in back of your knot
    Leave you one dead G.Rap,Havoc and Prodigy
    Let’s put these bitch niggas where bodies be dun
    Yo if it gotta be,it gotta be


    nobodys more lyrical and thats how hip hop should be..stand up for a real MC

  18. DC says:

    Fast Life with G Rap and Nas might be the most hardbody rap track evar, or at least the most underrated. Two Top 5 DOA emcees with great chemistry(No Homo of course) and perfectly complimenting styles spitting over a Premo beat is just too good to be true. When they start trading bar for bar…damn… I get the biggest Hip Hop hard-on every time.

Leave a Reply