STUFF BLACK PEOPLE LIKE…
What is so important about the website StuffWhitePeopleLike is the priceless information that it provides bringing you into the wheelhouse of white’s affections. It helps you understand why white moves the way they do and I think it removes some of the confusion to their motives. White really is good people after it’s all said and done, albeit they are quirky mofos.
The same can be said bout Black folks too. The problems that arise among races is only because of the lack of understanding about what turns people on. What if white knew what Black people liked? Don’t you think that they would make it more accessible? Hellz yeah!?! If for no other reason than to get paid. Sheeeeeeeit.
So as a method for facilitating better racial harmony and as a wrap up to my celebration of Jig History Month 2008 I decided to compile a list of the stuff that Black people like. I ask that all my white readers use this guide in order to better express your friendship for your Black friends and in case you don’t know any Black people let this guide be your entree into establishing a friendship with one of the darker skinned denizens of the planet Earth.
You know you want to white people.
Blonde Black Girls
It’s not just gentlemen that prefer blondes, but Black people as well, especially Black women. From BeYONCE to KEISHA COLE to MARY J. BLIGE, blonde is the new black. Any Black man with the means will always get himself the real authentic version, but for the rest of us we choose something like the woman in the above picture.
Car Washing
Giving a Black man his propers after he has washed his car is like telling a woman that you like the shoes she is wearing. It makes the pain of the carnote worth every penny. For extra credit you can tell him that his wheels look especially shiny.
Fancy Wine
Black people don’t like fancy wine for the same reasons that white enjoy it. White drinks wine. Black people use it to name their children. Rose, Chardonnay, Alize, just you wait until Black people find out that Cabernet ends with the same sounding pronunciation.
Kool-Aid
This is the only grape shit that Black folks like to drink.
Red Lobster Cheddar Biscuits
It has been already been established that Black people love these things. I watch Black folks leave the Red Lobster in Westbury with plastic bags as if they had just gone food shopping. Why can’t Black folks just finish their dinner at the restaurant? Too many cheddar biscuits I suppose.
White Friends
I have to thank GOD everyday for my white friends. Without them I would be firmly planted in the working class. With them on my team I am at least allowed to think that I can be middle class. Drinking wine > naming your children after wine.
Prisons
Wealthy Black folks love prisons because that keeps the unsavory negroes in check.
February 29th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
I wanted to call my first daughter Pinot Noir but I was overruled.
February 29th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
If loving red lobster cheddar biscuits is wrong, i don’t want to be white.
March 1st, 2008 at 12:14 am
“Black people use it to name their children. Rose, Chardonnay, Alize, just you wait until Black people find out that Cabernet ends with the same sounding pronunciation.”
I was JUST talking about this a couple of days ago. The craziest part? When I was a lot younger, I REALLY truly was going around saying I wanted to name my hypothetical daughter “Chardonnay” becuase I thought it sounded pretty. Have you really encountered somebody named that though? I’m curious.
And yes, my plans have changed as far as names go lol. Phew.
A car compliment really does make my day though. I get all sorts of happy and cheese-smile-tastic when someone sices the whip.
March 1st, 2008 at 10:00 am
Were I not removed to white landia, I woulda stuck with calling my baby Shiraz or some other fuckery…I was just watching Gordon Ramsey in a restaurant in Jersey sayin that if folks was takin stuff home, the portions were too big. Wait till the Red Dumpster gets that footage.
March 1st, 2008 at 11:06 am
I swear to gawd in 10th grade I had a lovely red bone in my class named TANQUERAY ……. I used to die when the homies would call her Gin&Juice … Older Black Woman love big ass hats
March 1st, 2008 at 11:23 am
What about the Wearing “Doo-Rag’s” in fine-dining restaraunt’s???
I understand the premise of wearing one while you are sleeping or to protect your hair while bathing. But if you are out in a formal setting…..What are you “saving” your hair for/from? I actually had a guest sit thru a whole meal @ a 4-star Vegas restauraunt….with his doo-rag on…..because his waves needed to be right for the club. Please stop the madness…..you look stupid.
March 1st, 2008 at 12:34 pm
i knew a black girl named tequila. i used to always joke with her, that we know how you were conceived.
March 1st, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Stuff Black People like: racism, especially the subtle kind.
March 1st, 2008 at 2:22 pm
^^^
jonnycakes.
Naw. Black people actually like to be outright racist. When black people are racist everyone finds it comical. Because it is. You could fuck around and make a career out of it
March 1st, 2008 at 7:26 pm
^Its called “Comic View”.
“White people be blogging all propers and shit. ‘I’ve got to make sure that my HTML code is correct and that my text is properly justified on the margins. Also I must provide regular punctual updates!’ Black folks be on some different shit… They be stealing wireless and shit like ‘NIGGA I’M BLAWGING FROM THE CLUUUUUUB!!!!’”
March 1st, 2008 at 10:09 pm
I was going to try to say something funny, but Rafi pretty much killed it with that comment. Nice work DP.
March 2nd, 2008 at 12:19 am
Why do you keep typing “the white”…like its some organism that shit makes the post even funnier…I’m going to make that popular…
“the white” is trying to fuck with my income tax. I’ll work on something…
Salute.
March 2nd, 2008 at 6:42 pm
@the ambassador: true indeed. last semester in my communications class, there was a young lady named chardonnay.
as for blonde black girls, at the mall i saw a 7 yr old with a blond wig/weave/whatever. i wanted to ask her parents if they named her Really Lil Kim, but I did not feel like getting stomped out by her Charles Oakley-esque daddy before I got my cookie fix at Mrs. Field’s.
March 2nd, 2008 at 11:41 pm
ahhhh, grape kool aid. that reminds me of the chappelle stand-up: “n*gga, what the FUCK is JUICE?!?”
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:20 am
^ Grape drink baby.
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:51 am
stuff black people like: white who likes black people.
2. white that doesnt always want to talk about black and white in every conversation.
3. white that doesnt just talk about only “black” music.
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:32 am
i dont know about theblond black girls..lol…y u take me off your roll folk
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:22 am
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Newports.
March 4th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Funny ass post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
March 4th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
I went to college, No Lie, with a chick name Remy Martin. Seriously.
March 5th, 2008 at 7:50 am
^^^
I didn’t think it got any worse than Chardonnay. What’s next? Someone naming their kid Fabreze?
March 6th, 2008 at 11:17 am
I make kool-aid for my family
da da dadadadah
I make pitcher after pitcher
da da dadadadah!
Grape Kool-Aid?
What about RED?!!
Red Lobster Cheddar Biscuits?
What about Jiffy cornbread (extra sweet, so it tastes like cake)?!!
For the record: I never fucked with cornbread, especially Jiffy, it has swine in it.
March 7th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
black people used to like church, chicken and hot sauce. white people like to shake your hand hard – that way you know they mean it! lololol….
March 8th, 2008 at 9:42 am
White black brown yellow purple people all use jiffy cornbread.
March 8th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
blacks are so funny, aren’t we? is actually an educational journey into white america that few blacks trully understand.. its a humble doorway into a very complex world – wrapped snuggly in humor.
for once, i’d like someone to analyze the complexities of the african-american world. i mean, we are the most synthesized culture on the planet – the center of pop-culture, the inventors of cool.
analyze me… it might keep us unsavory negroes from being quite so…
unsavory.
ciao
March 12th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
Clearly this site is written by ignorant white bloggers…and commented on by the same…so sad…no worries I will never return…continue to wallow in your narrow-minded-ness and and misconceptions.
March 13th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
hi all… i’m an avid blog reader and completely in love with topics of this nature. as much as we hate to admit it, we DO like this kind of stuff! i love it when someone says, “hey, ronetta! your car looks so nice!” after i JUST got it detailed. that makes my day. so does koolaid… any flavor, but mostly red (no, not cherry, RED lol) and grape.
it’s nice to be able to look at your accomplishments at the end of any day and still get a kick out of what makes us tick. don’t be so stuffy, joe; go to http://www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com, and it’s the same story. i think i need to be added as a blogger to this site
*hint hint*
i love my black people.
March 13th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
and i went to school with a girl named chardonnay (but we called her char for short) and her parents named her that BECAUSE OF the wine. this blog rings true.
April 7th, 2008 at 2:18 am
Black people love tacky shit. Gold teeth, purple houses, baggy pants, weird names, distorting the entire English lenguage, neon colors…what else? Being racist…! Very racist!
April 7th, 2008 at 2:31 am
James,
Its not even possible for Blacks to be racists. Bigots? Yes. Racists? Never.
I’m not talking semantics either. Racism, like facism is a social system of politics and economics. Blacks don’t own the means to the infrastructure of legislation, manufacturing or commerce. Blacks don’t make those decisions on that level so try as they might they can only be bigots.
BTW, the same goes for 95% of white too. They’re simply along for the ride as well, albeit they get to sit in first class, they aren’t actually flying the plane.
That job is for the Vanderbilts, Carnegies and the JP Morgans.
May 20th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
What about naming kids after liquor, like Tanqueray, Tequila (Taquila, TaQuila, etc.), Bacardi, etc.?
May 20th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Billy Sunday, the Merriam-Webster dictionary gives these definitions for “racism” :
1 : a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race
2 : racial prejudice or discrimination
Black people are completely capable of both. (If you don’t believe #2, I personally know a guy who would turn off the pumps at the gas station he worked at when a white customer came – no joke.)
May 21st, 2008 at 1:35 am
^ Meatball,
Racism is a social political system. Buddhism is a belief.
Racism is implemented on structural levels throughout society, by lawmakers, faith counselors(reverends, preachers, rabbis, imams, gurus, etc) and those who control capital.
Your gas station attendant friend is a gotdamn bigot you idiot. The fact that he turned off the pump is what bigots and other racism apologists would do. Legislators are the ones that pass the laws that legalize such behavior. Just because someone has an affinity for supremacy doesn’t allow him to become a supremacist. Working lower class people like gas station attendants can only be bigots.
If you can’t wrap your head around the INSTITUTIONALIZATION of racism then you just don’t get it. Racism is a socialism type ism not a buddhism type ism.
or a mad izm for that matter.
March 8th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
i under stand what yer both of ya r saying but its semantics over word generalization @ this point. yes its good to educate your self about how the NAACP has put the hand into advertising and swayed the social perception of ppl. and its also important to know your proper definitions of a language you use. bottom line its all wrong.
October 27th, 2011 at 1:44 pm
I feel sorry for you all – the only thing I can say is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.
December 15th, 2011 at 8:51 pm
It’s really wrong to generalizes all black people like this, especially when your basically saying all black people fall under negative stereotypes. I’m black and I don’t like Kool-aid and its wrong to assume that most back people like to name their children after wine and yes African Americans do drink fancy win, My parents drink expensive wine all the time thats the kind of alcohol they like to drink. Also you don’t need white people/friends to get out of the working class just work harder and get yourself out. Thats a big step and fetch attitude that no African American should ever have, and black people are not racists maybe individuals are but there are individual racist in every ethnicity.