More Bounce To The Ounce (The P.B.R. Remix)

bums in love

Editor’s note: I threw up the remix because I was headed to a hipster cookout in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Instead of bringing a six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon I thought I would bring a few quarts of Champale, or maybe even Cisco. The YouTube vids are linked from the classic drop on the history of malt liquor @ ‘What Would Thembi Do?

New York City has hosted many legendary parties over the years. One of the greatest Hip-Hop parties never played any rap music, but you were just as likely to see A-list producers and industry heads up in there on the regulack. The party was called ‘Soul Kitchen’ and that is what was on the menu all night. Classic funk and soul music that was being sampled by the best producers from New York to Los Angeles blared from the speakers.

The hosts of the party provided free fried chicken to all of the party goers that got there early enough and whichever venue held the party also sold quarts of Colt 45. We were sure that Hip-Hop was going to change the world. The only problem is that we were also smoking three or four White Owl blunts a night and occasionally popping an orange barrel, but gottdammit we could buy a quart of that BILLY DEE for only $3 bucks.

Eventually Soul Kitchen would stop being the spot and we would finally have to face the facts that Hip-Hop was just music that filled up a broader consumer lifestyle. As rappers spoke on consuming luxury items Heinekins and Coronas kicked malted liquors to the curb, relegating them to has-been crackhead status. This post is an homage to all of the brands that I have sampled through my years as a high school dropout, journalistic wannabe.

Old derrty OLDE ENGLISH 800
O.E. is the gold standard for malt liquors. It has a nice even taste and is palatable when warm, like say about 9a.m. after you have finally awoken and you have to go to work and there is still a couple of White Castles left on the kitchen counter and you realize that half a blunt is still sitting in the ash tray.

By the way, who is that chick in the bedroom?!?


family ties COLT 45
Colt Fo’ Fizzle never really got the props it deserved for being as smooth as it was. It was like drinking water, but after two or three tall cans you were hit in the face. Try not to take a piss on this stuff because once the seal is broken you might as well just stay in the bathroom.

crazy CRAZY HORSE
True story is that the Native American called CRAZY HORSE was some kind of wild activist against alcohol and its effects on Native American peoples. That’s why you can never trust white. As soon as you are dead they flip your legacy into his story.

If Crazy Horse is what we drunk before going to a Hip-Hop party, someone was going to get duffed out crazily that night.


p.s. PRIVATE STOCK
My homie COMBAT JACK always talks about how good Private Stock was. Truth is that it was aiiight, but it’s always a smart move to let the chicks see you with something different in your hand than O.E.

nic the spic BALLANTINE ALE
This was my brand for flipping the script and going classy with it. Ballantine was hearty too. Where as you needed at least two O.E.’s to get pissy, one and a half Ballantines’ would put you on the path to Negro nonsense.

d'angelo's meatbag MIDNIGHT DRAGON
Hide the women and children. The first time that I ever got crackhead stoned off alcohol was prah’lee after having a forty ounce of this shit. It is deadlier than that bumwine called Cisco. I remember being in a whorehouse on Roosevelt Avenue with T.C. and I threw up all over the waiting room. We were kicked out and T.C. laughed at me all the way home. That’s what you get for drinking a .99cent forty.

baywatch beatbox CHAMPALE
If you have never had Pink Champale you have never lived. Fuck all of that Moet Nectar and all that other bullshit that costs $50 a bottle. At the end of the evening it is all going into the sewer anyhoo. Nah’Mean?!?


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23 Responses to “More Bounce To The Ounce (The P.B.R. Remix)”

  1. LM says:

    Now Encyclopedia Britannica can have its “malt liquor” entry.

    Tell me Johnny Cannon (first Colt 45 ad) doesn’t look like an uncle to Eddie Griffin. Eddie got all his acting ability too.

  2. Royal says:

    Even thought I’m a fairly young dude, I remember the time I put down my two first O.E.’s…
    I went from being a young, fly, black scholar…
    To Anton Jackson from In Living Color in about 45 minutes. Thought I could hang, but was just fast tracking towards being a drunk.
    Least I didn’t have to hit the check cashing spot before…

    @ LM: Hell yeah he looks like Eddie Griffin’s uncle.

  3. Omar Ellis says:

    I’m kind of mad that the wu joint in the st. ides commercial is better than half of the shit they put out today…

  4. Mark Dub says:

    Man….what a HILARIOUS trip down memory lane! Damn…my head’s startding to hurt.

  5. 40 says:

    Dallas, I think I’ll have to pen a follow-up drop as one of the few active 40 drinkers left in existence.

    I am amused how malt gets a bad rap because most drank it while not learning about tolerance and moderation. Plus it kills me how some how malt is genocidal bum sauce, while these candy colored, sugar coma inducing, cRapper purveyed swill is OK. Plus I hate those “marketed drinkers” who change their sauce by the most song mentions or ad campaigns. I’ve been an OE man since ’87 (@ the age of 13) and still rock it as I’ve moved up tax brackets.

    Its just beer you idiots, plus if I had a dollar for each nostalgic sip everyone asks for, I’d have my 40’s covered from here to infinity.

  6. Personally, I enjoy a 40 of Schaefer. Only $2.16. But I also like OE but the next day I feel like Buffy, Prince Markie Dee and that other dude collectively sat on my head [II].

  7. KiNGrEX says:

    I love these posts about the bottom of the barrel swill that we all imbibed frequently back in the day and some of us still do from time to time today…

    Personally my home base for drinking activities serves me the Privato Stockato in a paper bag..

    And I still manage to mash the occational hottie, fourty in hand and all..

    Mad Dawgs stand up!!!

  8. Rosie G says:

    I LOVE YOU ! i also love Pabst….. althoooo ……….. I’m not a hipster. I’m a regular black person who runs an independent bookstore. Please find a Country Club malt liquor ad. It’s elitist malt liquor garbage !

  9. Rosie G says:

    P.S. I’m from the RIC …Richmond VA , Pabst Cap of the cunt-ry

  10. Yo, I just caught that the Wu St. Ides joint was playing in the back of that interlude on Cuban Linx. Shout to the ombudsman.

    I miss that Snoop & Nate Dogg joint. “Just hit the corner store… you know what I’m lookin’ foooore… Sainniiides!!”

  11. Combat Jack says:

    Two-fer-one trip down memory lane!

    Soul Kitchen was responsible for making the early ’90’s (’91 – ’95) the BEST effin years on my life. That joint right there is undescribable to those that never had the opportunity to experience it first hand. That joint was 1000% feel good. You hit it on the head about that chicken and the $3 Colt 45’s. What you mos def forgot to mention was the dimes that were overflowing in mad abundance at them joints. YO! Black Pearls, Spanish Mamis, Asian Dumplings, Pink Toe chicks (the 1st generation that came through with the bubbles), Greek Goddesses, Isreali AND Palestinian Soulja Girls. Man, shit was like Star Trek, I might even could probably remember seeing a few Green and Blue chicks that I’d take home to mother. Best shit about it was that every one a dem broads had dusted off a few Colts and blunts well before the DJ dropped that sweaty grind tight “time to bag one NOW” reggae joints. 1970’s sexploitation in full effect right there.

    MALT LIQUOR:

    Man, where can I start? Every 70’s BK babies were weaned off the Ole’ E! The St. Ides was really on some O-dog whyle 4 the nite juice.

    Never eff’d with the Colt until the Soul Kitchen. During the 2-3 years that the SK was fiyah, I prolly guzzled down 3-4 every Sunday, Monday or Thursday nite it was open.

    I still stand by Private Stock as I thought I was getting my young grown man on. By the time I was rocking PS, I couldn’t afford getting Crazy Horse amped all up in the public eye!

    Dallas Penn for President!

  12. the_dallas says:

    Combat Jack was in the building

  13. thembi says:

    Thanks for the props DP! You really brought things full circle – never again will these internets be lacking in malt liquor information and commentary.

    We gotta get on a collab/guest-post venture sometime soon!

  14. big rils says:

    Nothing wrong with being a grown man drinking an OE … or a P stock.

    What I find funny is how people I didn’t grow up with react when they see me drinking a forty ounce. They usually take it as some kind of joke or get all nostalgic. Shit – two forties and a six-pack was all i needed friday night to be in the right mood to see the Celtics head back to the championship for the first time since I was knee high.

  15. Candice says:

    Damn….no honorable mention to Brass Monkey?

  16. Yall are sleeping on Country Club…thats the quicker fucker upper. That shit got XXX on the can, and half the time the printing is fucked up so it be looking like a kid colored outside the lines….hahaha, i think its only available in the deep south though.

  17. 40 says:

    One (of many) great 40 story. Summer of ’95 – North Philadelphia… T.U. Summer School. The beer distributor by us always had swill on sale. It was the week off between summer sessions and my and my ace Ty had a week to kill in the dorm. Lo and behold they had cases of Private Stock, “Green Lightning” (which was supposed to be their powerful shit) for $10.

    Thats right people 12 40’s for $10. (83.333333333333 cent a piece)

    How about my and my dude drank a case of 40’s a day for 7 days straight. Even funnier was the crackhead like proficiency we would shake down people for a dollar here, 50 cents there. Finally at the end of the week we looked at our Leaning Tower of Malt, oh so proud of what we’ve done.

  18. the_dallas says:

    Rezidue,
    You ain’t neva lie.

    As we speak the 40 ozs. of Country Club are $1.59 in the Hunts Point bodega.

    You tell me of another country club that a brother can get into for $1.59?!?

  19. DirtyJerz says:

    Yo, real talk…..Private Stock was like that top notch PREMIUM malt liquor. It had that Heineken-y import taste to it. That was my shit! But when I lived in Philly, I fucked with Coqui 900! and the PinkChampale and the Apple Malt Duck got it crackin’ with the Chicks fa’ sho!!!—Yo I can’t stop laughin’ at that Johnny Cannon shit—“Colt forta-fav”!! ROFL

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