Happy Birthday Lil’ Wang!


Billy X. Sunday celebrates as Birdbrain’s baby gets one year older.

Don’t think that the irony of me knowing Lil’ Wang’s birthday is lost on me. I once accused the dearly departed Noz of knowing all of his favorite rapper’s birthdays. The only reason that I know Lil’ Wang’s born day is because it is the same day as mine. So now that Lil’ Wang is turning 21 and he can legally buy his own prescription cough syrup I thought I would give him some advice from one drug addict to another.

XXLMag.com columnist Billy X. Sunday does not endorse the abuse of prescription and or non-prescription narcotics, depressants, stimulants, barbituates or any controlled substances**

**Unless you have some

So where should I start? I suppose the most popular drug of choice is the one called Syrup, or the Lean, or the motherfuckin’ Drank. I’ve never fucked with this shit because I always had enough money to buy liquor, or at least a 40 ounce. People that create drugs from household shit like cough syrup and band-aids should get some kind of MacGuyver award for drug abuse.

The same for people that get high off industrial shit like paint, and paint thinner. I never sniffed glue or none of that industrial shit because I would never get within twenty feet of that shit. That shit smells like housework to me and I ain’t got no time for that. Imagine me getting high off Windex to the point that I am cleaning my coffee table ten times a day. I ain’t got no coffee table in my apartment since I sold it for crack.

Crack cocaine is having a resurgence in entertainment circles. I blame all this Rick James and 1980’s nostalgia. It wasn’t the chemical makeup of cooked cocaine that made it so addictive but the gold leggings and the flattop haircut. I hope Lil’ Wang steers clear of that crack cocaine shit. Sonn is already less than a buck on the scales. He might get so skinny that he will be back to rocking his old jumpsuits by Osh Kosh B’Gosh (no Cam’Ron).

Speaking of Cam… Weed is still the shit and definitely something that I would like for my birthday party. A nice big fluffy Z of that good white boy shit they grow under the Kleig lights. Something with some orange and purple hairs growing from the buds. Smooth shit like that you don’t roll up in a cigar. I get out my grandfather’s chalice that he came up on during a stop in the Philipines. Rolling Dutches is for the uncivilized people that don’t know how to use a fork or knife.

When all else fails there is always alcohol which is pretty much legal to everyone older than sixteen. At least in Alaska I think it is. That’s why the VP nominee is 44yr old grandmother. This is what Wang should celebrate his birthday with. A bottle of that champagne that he was supposed to be coming out with unless that deal fell off the table in which case he should prA’li just go back to sipping that lean. I wonder if Wang can get an endorsement deal with Dimetapp? That’s what his management should be working on his birthday.

Happy birthday Lil’ Wang!

18 Responses to “Happy Birthday Lil’ Wang!”

  1. Kasper says:

    *applause*? gotta keep those check’s comin somehow eh Dallas?

  2. Kasper says:

    fuck the weed tho.. shit just makes me paranoid nowadays.. LotsaAclohol, maybe a lil’ charlie and some (proper) opiate goodness later in proceedings does me just fine. CHeers!
    Where the new I.C’s film bru?

  3. Kasper says:

    Dallas, thanks for the great pleasure you bring on the daily, [ll] (etxra[ll])
    Seriously though, the level of commitment and insight you bring while maintaining your humour and appreciation for the finer things in life…… PoLo4ever (wish I wasn’t so fuckin poor… help a strugglin lolife out bru ??? I know you got mad shit on ice that’s too small for your festively-plump self!) Dude, you ever want to get away for a hliday in the sun, swing Down Under and we’ll show you a good time [ll] (fuck I’m sick of that bloody no homo shit.. are dudue’s that insecure in NY?
    Anyways, Keep it up mate. Always appreciated on this side of the pond…

  4. Candice says:

    I don’t eff with lil Wang’s so just stopping by to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU MR. PENN. Enjoy your born day and crack open a bottle of some good stuff.

  5. zillz says:

    happy birthday dp!

  6. Kasper says:

    happy birthday dallas

  7. Happy B- Day Dallas …

    are you going to the dead prez & Jay Electronica concert in nyc ?

  8. Dan Love says:

    Happy birthday Dallas. Treat yourself to something crispy for your walking pads.

  9. Marvelous Mo says:

    DP I shot you a Happy Bday on your facebook!

    Happy Bday!!!

  10. DirtyJerz says:

    DP… Word Is Bawn!Happy Bornday…get at me with the address, B!

  11. LM says:

    Feliz Cumpleanos

  12. Ernest Paniccioli says:

    Dallas, Eat a double bacon cheeseburger with lard fried fries and wash it down with a pint of Thunderbird.
    Celebrate yours and Wang’s B-Day to the rim just don’t let me catch you celebrating G Dubbs B Day or the walking scarecrow , wanna be rapper, no talent dick rider Papoose (Native American slang for vagina). Miss you Bro. I have a real big B-Day gift for you. Call me to collect. You will be pleased. Ernie

  13. Cashus Clay says:

    Happy Birthday D (raises styrofoam cup in the air)

  14. Belize says:

    mary jane is definately dat bitch

  15. jaislayer says:

    Happy Bday DP!!! Today is my born day also, the kid is getting old. I celebrated last nite with a bottle of Ciroc vodka and the wife watching Chris Rock. Good looking out on those J’s homie. I got you on that bottle of belve. Peace.


  17. dubble13 says:

    a little late, but Happy B-day!

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