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Let’s hear it for the girls who take on all comers.

And we did say comers.

For the next twelve months the ObamaGrrl will pleasure herself to these prospective White House cabinet hotties.

January = STEVEN CHU – Energy Secretary
Celebrate the first month and the Chinese new year with this super big brain physicist that will figure out a way for us to power our hybrid cars with the assfarts from all the arugula that we will now be mandated to consume.

February = ERIC HOLDER – Attorney General
It’s Black History Month and time to rock out with the other sort-of Black dude in the White House. Back in the days of ‘Roots’ these dudes weren’t Black enough, but the pendulum has swung and now they are just Black enough. Light skin wins in the ’09.

March = MICHELLE OBAMA – First Lady
Ladies first in March for Woman’s History Month and no lady comes before the First Lady. No, we meant that literally. ObamaGrrl sit your ho ass down. First Lady goes in on the presidential package first. Who do you think this president is? BILL CLINTON?!?

April = ARNE DUNCAN – Education Secretary
The education secretary is a former pro cager from Australia who used to play pickup games with the president. I just hope the plan for reforming the education system isn’t to send the increasing numbers of high school dropouts to basketball camp. That would certainly be March Madness.

May = TIMOTHY GEITHNER – Treasury Secretary
President of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York and a dude with a Swiss sounding surname which tells me that he knows where all the fucking money is that BERNARD MADOFF stole.

June = SANJAY GUPTA – Surgeon General
I have got to get myself a television. Someone told me that he is the doctor from CNNews, and here it is I thought he was the doctor from that program ‘Heroes’.

July = PETER ORSZAG – Management and Budget Secretary
I’m stunned and saddened. I didn’t think it was possible that anyone could wear a wig which was worse than ROD BLAGOJEVICH’s.

August = SHAUN DONOVAN – Housing secretary
Converting all of America’s former factories into luxury loft apartments is a daunting task.

September = JON FAVREAU – Head speach writer (read: weed carrier)
The Obama administration will be the first one filled with real surfers and stoners.

October = RAHM EMMANUEL – Chief of Staff
Is there any title in politricks more pauseworthy than Chief of Staff [ll]? I think RAHM EMMANUEL is so crafty that he will make KARL ROVE appear to be shiftless and lazy. You see how he regulated shit in the BLAGOJEVICH mess? RAHM is not to be effed with. Word to the mossad.

November = BARACK OBAMA – President
Give thanks in November to B.O. Not body odor, but BARACK OBAMA. He is the reason for the season. Although because he is halfrican I’m sure he has some kind of crazy B.O.

December = ObamaGrrl – Presidential video vixen
This is what I am asking Santa for on Christmas.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 14th, 2009 at 12:34 pm and is filed under BeYONCE's Hair, Harpers Weekly Review, iNternets Celebrities, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Politricks, Social Upheaval, The MGMT, white, Wig Owners. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.