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How do you fools like the sound of this shit…

FANBOYZ UNITED!

This is some shit I want to turn into a program for mass broadcast. I like the idea of being a television program, but I really like the idea of being an internets program. My new homey JOHNNY SAGAN just got into the DP dot com movement and he is pitching this idea to the people that fux with bigtime TV. I don’t know if they really get down for the crown like we do here at the website. Shouts to the iNternets Celebrities movement for giving this website its street cred to video viewers.

How about we make Fanboyz United! programs shaped around a central theme? Episodes can be hosted by HuLu.com or whatever contender comes up to compete with them. The real problem I see is making the idea of being a fanboy not such a niche market. There are plenty of fanboys that aren’t totally integrated on the internets. Technology isn’t the only aspect of fanboyhood.

There are six pillars that are the foundation of fanboy culture…

Technology, Sports, Music, Comics, Gear, Junk Food…

These six items are inter-related and cross-reference each other throughout Fanboyhood.

The program Fanboyz United! is a documentary slash reality slash variety show that illustrates the finer points of these pillars in ways that their beloved audience has never seen them before. Every week we take our viewers out of their homes to roam the streets with us doing the things that the fanboy vanguard does, or better yet, wishes they were doing with us.

Technology – From taking the latest cellphone and creating an application for it that makes it operate better yet voids your warranty to music weblogs that stream the latest music the very second it arrives in retail installations (if not before). Fanboys are making James Bond look like a Luddite. Technology allows fanboys to communicate in ways never before imagined. Video games travel to other planets or hyper-realize the space we all live in. While technology is moving too fast for many people it is actually moving too slow for fanboys.

Sports – ESPN has been able to target fanboy culture with a highlight reel program that repeats itself in the early morning hours. This program delivers the information to all the fanboys who maintain fantasy teams and require the hard data that tells them how their particular athlete is performing (natch). Sports memorabilia has evolved to collections of cards with an array of technological advances embedded in the cardboard. Fanboys need sports in their lives. Women’s testosterone? Not so much.

Music – The soundtrack to fanboyhood is defined with a booming bassline. Whether its rap, or rock, or a hybrid of punk speed metal synthesized voices, the fanboyz are dancing to it. They are making videos of those dances and uploading those videos on to YouTube where millions of viewers are watching them. The advent of software like Fruity Loops has enabled anyone with a computer to become a music producer. The music video has become the mini-novela. I’m streaming West Side Story for like the 50th time. It is so gangsta!

Comics – There is no greater visual emotional influencer for fanboyz than the comic book industry. The recent Hollywood blockbusters like Watchmen, 300, iron Man, Batman, Sin City and X-Men should be proof of this. Fanboys that have spent a lifetime collecting the stories of these characters are now writing the graphic novels which will eventually become the major motion pictures. How many people have experienced the method for which their favorite characters monthly pulp is delivered to the newsstand, or actually for fanboys that would be the specialty shop? Fanboyz United! is all about profiling the production on the back end and letting you watch the method as to how comic books are published.

Gear – Technology has seeped into the design of fanboys clothing now that hooded sweatshirts have concealed iPod holders. Space age fabrics like DuPont 3M material are all over sneakers. There are more fanboys with sneaker collections that number the 100’s even the 1000’s than ever before. Fanboys will camp out in front of retail locations in the pouring rain for several days while awaiting the release of the latest sneaker designed by rapper KanYe West. All the while wearing the latest weatherproof gear from Ralph Lauren or North Face. These sneakers and garments speak volumes to the fanboys that wear and collect them. Let’s take a look at the Polo collections of Meyhem Lauren and Thirstin Howl III.

Junk Food – Junk food is the fuel cell that powers fanboyz. From McDonald’s to Taco Bell, from Doritos to jalapeno Cheetos these foods are consumed in abundance and repeated ad nausem until nauseous. Cereal isn’t just for kids. It’s for adults who spend 16+ hours surfing the world wide web and blogging and posting in forums and chat rooms and simply have no time to microwave anything let alone cook. Fanboyz would like to learn hpw to cook though. One of the latest fanboy trends is to watch how-to cooking videos featuring adult film stars fully clothed, yet tastefully (pun intended) provocative.

Fanboyz United! is the ultimate documentary reality show for fans, stans, collectors, nerds, groupies and techies. Fanboyz United! isn’t really even a television show. It is an effin’ lifestyle! Think of boyhood, but for grown men. How awesome is that? Fanboyz United! is boyhood on steroids. Knowing and loving all the things you did when you were younger, but now with the mind and the authority of an adult.

Its the ability to eat a bowl of cereal at 2am while watching ESPN SportsCenter or Adult Swim. It’s the notion that Darth Vader is an existential expression for uncontrollable political power and attention. Fanboys are about knowledge and the minutiae sometimes contained therein. Exactly how many women has Batman slept with? A lot. If you were a fanboy you would know the number, AND their names. Fanboys love the products they consume even more than the companies that manufacture them.

I’m happy to be a fanboy. Truth to tell you is that my girlfriend is a fanboy too. That might be the only time you have to [ll] a woman on the internets. What do y’all think of the concept? Is this something you might want to fux with? I thought each episode (I refuse to say ghey ass “webisode”) could be 16 mins with four(4) bloks of content 4mins long. And then we tag a sponsor on that bitch. Basically the Hulu format.

So who wants to make this show happen is really the question at hand? I want to keep it on the web or put it in the eyeballs of the people that will enjoy it most. Remember the DAVE ATELL show on Comedy Central? I know you all remember CHAPPELLE’s Show? I want to mix these programs with Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim programming. The next new TV Funhouse. That is my dream right now.

I have met so many talented people in real life via the internets who deserve to bring their passions to the community-at-large. There are millions of fanboys out there who want to get their rec. This is our time to shine. Anybody want to make the official logo and typeface? Can you start with some athletic style lettering, maybe in a font similar to the San Francisco Giants. Let’s get this popping…

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 5th, 2009 at 8:20 pm and is filed under 5 Elements, Blipsters = Hipsters, Ghetto Celebs, H.A.M., iNternets Celebrities, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Sneaker Fiends United, The Addict, The MGMT, When I Reminisce.... You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.