The BUSH Administration = The DARK SIDE of the FORCE

orphan annie

Real life often imitates art because art is so much more fun. There was also a time when art wasn’t simply disposable entertainment. It had a permanence and a relevance to our lives that transcended generations. Art contained the messages of morality and mortality, art described the human condition. Nowadays there isn’t too much art that can hold claim to being relevant to anyone other than the artist themselves. Be honest, can you imagine the Black Eyed Peas having a recording contract two years from now?

The STAR WARS saga has gripped our minds for nearly three decades because it has been good art. Not only have the movies been viscerally stunning and groundbreaking, but they have contained the components of a classic morality play. The eternal struggle of good versus evil, the prodigal son, the horny sailor woos the sexually supressed princess, you know, all the great stories from the Bible. The biggest parable that is displayed in this saga is the theme that “absolute power corrupts absolutely“.

To this extent I see such a direct correlation between the STAR WARS saga and our current presidential administration. The powers of a government should be dedicated to the freedom and liberty of its citizens. This current administration has used fear and the threat of violence to paralyze us, forcing us to choose between life and liberty as if these two precepts were mutually exclusive.

In the end I still believe that good will triumph over evil and the universe will eventually right itself, but in the meantime and in between time I will try to appreciate all the good art.

the boss of bosses
PRESIDENT GEORGE H. BUSH = DARTH SIDIOUS
The former president is the boss of all bosses. There isn’t a damn thing that happens on the planet today that President BUSH didn’t engineer decades ago. Before he was President he directed the Central Intelligence Agency, and before that he was a major player in Beltway politics. Just like Chancellor Palpatine rose to power while simultaneously enabling the Republic Seperatists as Darth Sidious, President Bush installed Saddam Hussein and the Ba’ath Seperatists only to chop them down like a tree when he decided that he no longer needed their shade. One word – gangsta!

billy wanna cracker
PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON = MAS AMEDDA
MAS AMEDDA is essentially the umbrella holder for Chancellor Palpatine. Think of him as an extra-large parrot.

condarth
SECRETARY of STATE Dr. CONDOLEEZA RICE = DARTH VADER
I know that some of you will disagree with this at first but try understand why I have selected CONDI for this spot instead of G.W. The main reason is that CONDI still has more destructive potential if she is elected President in 2008. She has already put Iran on notice. From her years of working inside the Russian and Middle Eastern intelligence machines she has an intimate knowledge of the Galactic Empire loyalists in those regions second only to DARTH SIDIOUS PRESIDENT BUSH Sr.

Incidentally, the Rebel sympathiser Sudanese president OMAR al-BESHIR better protect his neck if Dr.RICE does become president after that dustup during her visit last year.
condarth

darth dubya
PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH = DARTH MAUL
DARTH MAUL was an important character because his skill showed you just how powerful his master was. One of the additional factors that led me to choose this character for the current president is the fact that his dad would probably sacrifice him to save his favorite son, NEIL.

grand moff cheney
VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY = GRAND MOFF TARKIN
GRAND MOFF TARKIN was ultra loyal to the Emperor and he was an evil bad ass to boot. The Emperor uses TARKIN to keep an eye on the hot-tempered DARTH VADER so that he doesn’t choke everyone out on g.p. As an aside, do you think it was CHENEY that kept CONDOLEEZA from putting rat poison in COLIN POWELL’s coffee? Anyhoo…

my uncle name is tom
SECRETARY of STATE COLIN POWELL = COUNT DOOKU
COUNT DOOKU did what his master, DARTH SIDIOUS, had instructed him to do and when he was no longer needed, he was terminated.

half human half amazing
PRESIDENTIAL ADVISER KARL ROVE = GENERAL GRIEVOUS
GRIEVOUS was a critical member of the Sith forces because he was an excellent strategist. KARL ROVE has shown that he has an uncanny ability to plot strategies for the Bush administration. When the President appears weak in the public polls ROVE has taught him to just blurt out three simple words – GOD , abortion, terrorism. Its a masterful strategy that hasn’t failed yet.

rummy
SECRETARY of DEFENSE DONALD RUMSFELD = ADMIRAL ROMODI MOTTI
What had happened was they was having a Cabinet meeting and RUMOTTI got out of pocket talking about how we was going into Iraq with guns blazing and how we was going to kick that Iraqi azz like it stole’d our mammas pocketbook, but then CONDARTH was like, “Stop talking so much shiite and just get some positive results, the President is down 25 points in the Gallup polls!” She put the Force choke on homeboy but then she let him go when GRAND MOFF CHENEY told her to chill out.

do not trust a man without a moustache
DIRECTOR OF HOMELAND SECURITY MICHAEL CHERTOFF = MAJOR GENERAL MAXIMILLAN VEERS
Both characters rose to prominence from humble means and both are extremely intelligent and ambitious. VEERS curried favor with the Emperor by commanding the ground troops during the battle of Hoth. CHERTOFF will attempt to make his mark by thwarting Mexican day laborers from crossing the Rio Grande.

F.Y.I.: Most of the illegal immigrants in America have come from Eastern Europe and they simply let their visas expire.

tough guy tom
DIRECTOR OF HOMELAND SECURITY TOM RIDGE = HIGH GENERAL ULRIC TAGGE
GENERAL TAGGE would tell anyone that would listen to him that the Rebellion posed a serious threat to the Death Star. It turned out that he was right. Because protecting one’s arse is essential to survival you listen to people when they tell you that you are in danger. I believed TOM RIDGE even when the colors for the U.S. terrorist threat level began to resemble the rainbow flags in a Greenwich Village ‘PRIDE’ parade. The kicker came when I found myself buyings cases of duct tape and cellophaning my apartment. I wonder if TOM RIDGE is now on the board of directors at 3M?!?

seperated at birth
ATTORNEY GENERAL JOHN ASHCROFT = ADMIRAL FIRMUS PIETT
The interesting connection between these two characters is that they can only make political advances by default when their supervisors are dead. ADMIRAL PIETT is continuously promoted when the Imperial Fleets’ commanding officers err and VADER terminates them in his special way. While he was an incumbent Senator, JOHN ASHCROFT lost a Senate election to a man who had died almost a month before the election! WTF?!? That’s my Bush.

bernie, you coulda been a contender
NYC POLICE COMMISSIONER BERNARD KERIK = LIEUTENANT POL TRIEDUM
How many of you remember this Imperial Officer? He was one of those characters in the O.G. STAR WARS movie that you knew was created to be cast away. I consider him lucky to have even been given any lines to read. The BERNARD KERIK character seemed equally tragic when he was offered a position on the Beltway only to be shredded to pieces. It was so brutal that he couldn’t even go back to his job holding the umbrella for RUDY GIULIANI.

stupid is as stupid does
I. LEWIS ‘SCOOTER’ LIBBY Jr. = ADMIRAL KENDALL OZZEL
I always wondered how a guy named SCOOTER could be a Presidential advisor, but that thought has been rendered moot thanks to SCOOTER’s bumbling antics and duplicitous conduct regarding the leak of confidential information. ADMIRAL OZZEL was relieved of his duties by DARTH VADER with the classic movie quote…

“You are as clumsy as you are stupid”

brownie
FEMA DIRECTOR MIKE BROWN = CAPTAIN LORTH NEEDA
Just like CAPTAIN NEEDA, F.E.M.A. Director MIKE BROWN was overmatched in skill, wits and motivation. Everything was going well for ‘BROWNIE’ until that blasted Black bitch of a hurricane, Starrkeysha, blew through the Gulf Coast. Up until that point it had been just like the old frat boys days when DUBYA and BROWNIE called each other by their nicknames and shot their pistols up in the air. MIKE BROWN won’t even be a footnote in the history books, but his ineptitude will have reverberations for decades.

jabba banks
EXXON-MOBIL CEO LEE RAYMOND = JABBA THE HUTT
Physical similarities aside, both characters have an even closer resemblence in their attitudes. LEE RAYMOND is nefarious for playing on both sides of the court. Wasn’t Exxon (formerly Esso) guilty of selling oil to the Viet Cong during the Vietnam conflict?!? LEE RAYMOND essentially told the Senate to kiss his grits when he was questioned as to whether gas prices were artificially manipulated.

boba jeff
GENERAL ELECTRIC CEO JEFF IMMELT = BOBA FETT
In the STAR WARS universe, BOBA FETT may be the second most important character next to the Emperor. He has a significant role in both trilogies. The character is confident enough to make demands to DARTH VADER. In the sometimes real world that we all occupy JEFF IMMELT takes a seat to no one. GENERAL ELECTRIC is a multi-national weapons manufacturer as well as a global communications conglomerate. Basically, they can send a fighter jet to shoot you a brand new azzhole and then report it on an NBC affiliate’s evening news that some reederkuless blogger has gone ape shit.

26 Responses to “The BUSH Administration = The DARK SIDE of the FORCE”

  1. Nemesis says:

    My spleen…as a Star Wars fan, I am over here ROTFLMAO!! Good stuff. *thumbs up*

  2. Shannon says:

    You are such a dweeb. HAHAHAHAh

  3. the_dallas says:

    Shannon,
    In the overall cosmology of nerd-dom, I am considered a Geeky Spaz. Here’s how you can tell what your nerdness relates to…

    Geeks – technology and gadget freaks
    Dweebs – bedwetters, booger-eaters, really bad breath
    Spazs – neurologically dysfunctional symptoms

    I hope this clears things up for you.

  4. Tony says:

    I linked awhile ago and I think this is one of the best posts I’ve ever read. Dweeb? I don’t think so lady.

    May the force be with you or something like that . . .

  5. CGB III says:

    The Force is strong with this one. Genius. Pure Genius.

  6. LMAO! You are a HOT fuckin mess! HAHAHAAH!!!

    “Strong the Force is – in that one” How come Yoda always talks like that?

  7. Bert says:

    Fuh-nee!!!

    Bill C as “The Parrot” had me falling out of my chair.

    What part did everyone else reading this post think was the funniest?

  8. the_dallas says:

    Hey Bert,
    Thanks for the feedback brother, but you are walking a lonely mile to find some other folks who can relate to this post other than those that dropped a line.

    But since you posited a good quesion I will tell you my favorites – RUMMY and the former CEO of Exxon-Mobil

  9. Sin says:

    may the farce by with you!

  10. Michelle Materre says:

    OK, Dallas –
    This one has got to have a broader audience for sure! YOU’VE GOT TO GET AN AGENT AND GET PUBLISHED!!
    It’s Brilliant!
    MM

  11. ZeeBoogie says:

    Somebody please give George Sr. some Ex-Lax.

  12. Brother Omi says:

    yo this is hot.. I could not have done a better comparison myself. AND I HAVE MY OWN STAR WARS BLOG
    http://www.darkjeedai.blogspot.com

    I do have issue with JEFF IMMELT = BOBA FETT comparison. Boba Fett was not really evil just out for self.

  13. Billy Sunday says:

    ^dude,
    what would you call a CEO of a multi-national corporation? If nothing they are out for self and don’t care about anything but their corps. bottom line.

    That is why the JABBA the HUT and the BOBA FETT breakdowns are so sick and on point. Neither of those characters really cared for the Empire, they were just plain greedy and they would stop at nothing to satisfy their own moneylust.

    I peeped your blog and it is on some official nerd shit. We are on some nerd shit over here too, but we get out of the house just a little more than you guys do.

  14. jesse says:

    this is really good. what sends it over the top, is that the Republicans actually did a Star Wars themed parody about tightening up the ranks before the ’06 election. They cast themselves in a slightly different light, as you might imagine. daily show did a bit on it: bit

  15. Amadeo says:

    This whole thing is on point. Especially the George Jr./Darth Maul…He’s just a puppet easily expendable in the structure of things.

    While Dooku/Powell was expendable to at least he was a good figurehead.

  16. leon says:

    Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant! Came over from Star Wars for Coloured Folks.

  17. Nigeria says:

    SECRETARY of STATE COLIN POWELL = COUNT DOOKU

    I love how Colin Powells entry is so insignificant it only merits 2 lines, just proving his ineptitude by being used as the brown smokescreen of the Bush administration.

    Remember when Darth Vader sliced Dooku’s arm.

    Your comparisons are classic.

  18. Tiffany says:

    Wow, I missed this post Dallas. This is one of the best blogs I’ve ever read. Take Michelle’s advice….get published! Excellent post.

  19. […] Then peep the Palpatine status move at the same time he signed the John Warner Defense Authorization Act of 2007. This makes it easier to put Martial Law into effect anywhere in the United States. I will say this his new laws do go well together. One gives more room to do things to those who are determined to be enemies of the state and the other makes it easier to take control of the state itself. Where the hell is Mon Mothma when you need her? Of course while this is all going on. The people who support it would rather focus our attention on the Judicial Tyranny in New Jersey. Oh no! They wanna let the gays get married! Meanwhile I’m equating tyranny more to the above laws signed. If Adam and Steve get married it won’t get me KGBed cause I wasn’t in line. In discussions with people I’ve heard things like “I don’t mind if it protects me.” Being that while the Constitution and all that was signed my peoples were still eating all the parts of the pig that Massa didn’t want, I’m no so much a fan of “The Founding Fathers” (They paid our way through college, but molested us as a child.) However, you can depend on them for some good quotes and Benjamin Franklin said this: “Those who would trade their freedom for their protection deserve neither.” I tend to agree. My man Dallas laid out the whole geography of the Administrative landscape. No matter what Lucas says this picture is becoming clearer everyday. So I will send this warning out there to N. Korea, Iran and anyone else who is bucking right now…The Seperatists got done in at the end of the movie. Add-ons » […]

  20. Soundwave says:

    Peter Pan,

    You are definitely on the radar now.

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