Celebrate white History Month (ReMix)

dallaspenn.com is for the children
Editors’ note: I have been lazy as all hell this week, but please enjoy this blast from the past...

My boy Tee has criticized me for being to Black-centric in these weblogs. I have tried to explain to him that I am not a racist and that I have friends that are white. My pest exterminator is white, my accountant is white, my doctor is white, hell, my favorite deejays are white dudes. Well, actually they’re both jewish, which is only considered as white to Blacks. Nazis and Klansmen won’t consider them white and this confuses me somewhat as to what exactly is white. I have an idea and I am hoping that you all will support me in this endeavor.

I propose a WHITE HISTORY MONTH where we can learn about all things really white. I want to relinquish February to WHITE HISTORY MONTH because I think that it has all the features that will prove a suitable host month for the celebration. February is cold as shit and I have seen white jogging around London in shorts during this month. February also gets a lot of snow and I think that is a perfect backdrop for celebrating whiteness. Now I understand that the February month is also the shortest month of the year and I wouldn’t want white to feel somehow shortchanged by the brevity. So we can eventually switch WHITE HISTORY MONTH to January or March once they have enough people to put on posters for their humanitarian achievements. I have already filed the necessary paperwork to formally switch BLACK HISTORY MONTH to August. It’s currently called HARLEM WEEK.

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