Here I am all juiced up to go to the Ziegfield Theater for the midnite showing of the latest STAR WARS film. My girlfriend is a movie industry cog and she hooked me up with a pass for the night. Nevermind the fact that I am going to go with one of her co-workers who is a white. Ol’ boy is cool enough with me and one time he even shared his magic brownies with me at this crazy christmas house party.
The answer is ‘yes’. I would have carried my toy lightsaber that I usually bring with me to P-FUNK concerts. The answer is ‘no’. I do not wear a jedi robe or cloak. That would just be gay. And like CAM’RON, I am ‘NO HOMO’. Plus it is the last STAR WARS movie or so we are being told by the creator of this universe, GEORGE LUCAS. He vows not to create another movie for this storyline, but I am becoming a skeptic since he is using this upcoming film to innovate cross-promotional marketing strategies that Madison Avenue has never dreamed of.
I can’t remember when any film was being hyped in such an aggressive manner. Everywhere I turn I am seeing products that have little or no connection to the film series using licensed characters and images from the film series. YODA’s face on a can of soup. OBI-WAN KENOBI on a box of cereal. DARTH VADER on a Slurpee cup. DARTH VADER would not have enjoyed a Slurpee. DARTH VADER is strictly black Colombian coffee with no sugar. From now on I will call him the B.M.F.O.A.T. because DARTH VADER is officially the baddest motherfucker of all time!
Who’s bad?!?! Most people argue that ADOLF HITLER is the B.M.F.O.A.T. and I will submit to you all that HITLER should certainly be in the top five. But when I compare records of badness, DARTH VADER has HITLER trumped hands down. First of all, HITLER was a brutal, heartless killer who slaughtered millions of my people in internment camps. DARTH VADER blew up a whole planet in Episode 4 that was easily occupied by billions of people. So VADER wins in overall death toll statistics. ADOLF HITLER was no snazzy dandy and the only people he has inspired to dress like him are the disenfranchised white that live in Nebraska or Montana or wherever the KKK is from. DARTH VADER has had all the designers from Fashion Avenue spooning his nuts for the last ten years. He’s got that whole futuristic dom thing going on complete with with the shiny codpiece, knee high black boots and cape. You can’t even get into a club in NYC if you aren’t wearing all black(yeah I know pink was all the rage last year but after people discovered that KANGAY WEST was an asshole that trend wore off). So DARTH wins again on style points.
HITLER was a charismatic speaker but that hardly counts for superpowers. DARTH VADER could choke a nigger just by closing his fingers. ‘Member that nigger he choked in the Imperial conference room because he was talking shit sideways? Imagine DARTH VADER as the CEO on the TV show ‘APPRENTICE’. Instead of firing somebody he would just put his fingers together and choke they azz.
I am sorry party people, but you have to agree, DARTH VADER is officially the baddest motherfucker of all time.