dallaspenn.com

the tune of ‘Welcome Back Kotter’ plays from an imaginary podcast that I wasn’t able to attach to this site, but you know the song gotdammit so sing along.

It’s time to get back on our grizzly if we want to maintain any of the relationhips with our readers that we had when the year began. There was so much promise in the air back then. The website’s statmeter was blowing the fuck up and we thought that maybe we were going to have a successful site on our hands, but the evil OPRAH that is Black History Month knocked the wind out of our sails and the readership dwindled to a handful of weekly visitors. Rest assured my faithful white readers (2): I will be posting some hot pics of SCARLETT JOHANSEN and DREW BARRYMORE in the next few days.

I am also hoping that a bevy of new material and some more real talk and true stories will bring some more of you back to table. MASTER P has a few video projects to debut, the INTERN is stepping up his game with added content and we even have our sexy webmistress chiming in with her own features. The goal is to finish this quarter strong and set ourselves up for a great second quarter.

We don’t need to have the lead going into halftime, but we want to show and prove that we have game…

I almost wish that JAYCEON was down with us cause that fools stock is rising like a rocket. We don’t care for his rhyme flow too tough over here at the site. but we do respect the youngbloods’ resilience. Counted out before the end of last year he has found a way to keep his name on people’s lips (no ANG LEE). He even has a new colorway being released for his crappy sneaker. Would you believe that all this good fortune comes to him just because he stares blankly and angrily at a camera lens.

This is what CHOCOLATE SNOWFLAKE was talking about to me at the executive meeting we had in Philadelphia. I need to get a meaner more hungry look on my face. I need to scowl a little more and stop giving up my seat to old ladies on the subway. I spent half my life living like an asshole shitbag taking advantage of anybody that I came in contact with because I knew that nice guys finished last. Why should I change now just because I can feel my chariot to the mothership is approaching? How the fuck else am I going to make this site work out for all of us.

I haven’t had the scrilla to take my entertainment writers out to dinner in a while. Its gotten so bad these chicks will read Concrete Loop before they visit D.P. dot C. Bitches! Awright, I admit that Concrete Loop is hell’a good, but we do our thing here too. Doesn’t anybody like the Separated at Birth series?!? What about the BeYONCE Factor? Don’t front and say that the Hot Azz Mess awards isn’t your favorite internets picture gallery. This is programming that you will not receive on any of your Viacom controlled television networks. No pimps, no dysfunctional married R&B singers, no ancient eccentric rap music hypemen, no Black girls wearing blonde wigs…

Okay, let’s not get too crazy now, blonde on a Black is always better than black on black crime. Especially when that crime is sanctioned by record labels and other media outlets. Keeping it real sounds good to the kids but it hasn’t gotten anyone too far in life. ISRAEL RAMIREZ’ killer walks right before my eyes and all I can think about are Mz.B’s creamy muscled thighs.

I am on my way to the FREEDOM Friday party tonight, but when I get back in let’s talk about your boy ERIC ‘EASY-E’ WRIGHT. Popular information says that he was a former drugdealer that began his record label with the proceeds from his illicit dealing. Truth is that EASY-E had a small family inheritance that he used to start Ruthless Records and the lawyer, JERRY HELLER, became a partner by hooking him up with his own connections to manufacture and press vinyl records. I know its not as romantic as you would like to believe in that whole mythic streetlife storyline, but keep in mind that the government would have seized the label long ago like they do for mafia assets if they thought that it was founded from the profits of narcotics trading.

Your favorite crapper wasn’t ever a bad boy and there is no Santa Claus.

You can hate me now, but I won’t stop now.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 24th, 2006 at 11:00 am and is filed under Black Bullshit, C.R.E.A.M., Crappers, Ghetto Celebs, Social Upheaval, When I Reminisce.... You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.