or at least for jumpin’ off.
Here’s a quick list from WILLIAM H. SUNDAY of some of the places that you can go this spring season to pick up some hot young action…
1) PathMark Atlantic Terminal, Brooklyn – Too many fine chicks in one building for you to stand. They are clothes shopping on the upper floors and buying supermarket fried chicken in PathMark. Single and ready to mingle, you can pick out what kind of chick you want to date by what type of shit she has in her cart. Meat eaters, vegetarians and even those who can’t cook all come to this 24 hour supermercado. Your best bet for bagging up a hoodrat is of course, the 1st and the 15th. Ain’t a damn thing change.
2) IKEA Elizabeth, NJ – You don’t even need a whip playboy because there is a shuttle bus that will pick your scrub azz up from Port Authority. All kinds of broads love the knick-knacks and the cheap azz furniture they pump in this spot. Saturdays are straight bananas so I suggest you wear something snazzy like a freshly pressed button up and your crispy Air Force 1’s or a tight azz track jacket with a pair of those semi-brokeback Puma sneakers that all the Guido Sarducci kids love to rock. Tons of Mexxo-Latino-Philipino broads will be hanging around so brush up on your lingo by watching some SPEEDY GONZALEZ cartoons.
3) Barnes & Noble Union Square, NYC – Awww, look at you now playboy tryin’ to scrape some intelligent poonahnee. B&N is not for chumps so you had better have your shit mapped out. If you think you can crack open the legs of some well-read chick like she is the snow crab fest at Red Lobster than you have another thing coming. These chicks have read all the OPRAH/Essence magazine propaganda against meeting men. Half of them have dated a piece of plastic longer than any man. Some of these brainy chicks are so completely mesmerized by their vibrators you have to talk to them like your a honey bee. Say to a girl, “Howzzz arezzz youzzz doingzzzzzzz?” Trust me, that will get her attention. If you have the courage to do that then you can handle the rest. Sexy librarian poon might be the freakiest jawn out there.
4) Allen A.M.E. Church St.Albans, NY – Go get your GOD on nigga. If you like cream colored stilettos then you will think that you have entered the pearly gates right here on Earth. If you don’t have a shoe fetish then I wouldn’t go to church if I were you. If any of the ladies spot you eyeing the booty they will out you for being a heretic. Keep your eyes on the prize by keeping your head down. Church action is super suppressed wetness.
5) Belmont Lounge East 15th Street, NYC – This is where the NYU co-eds come to have fun. Plenty of PARIS HILTON wannabes who think that Hip-Hop music began with PUFF DADDY. These girls are young so I suggest all you old motherfuckers shave your faces. Old man at the lounge look is for hanging at the Shadow. If you want to get your ORENTHAL right then you had better look like you know a Coldplay or Modest Mouse song.
If any of you kids score something decent make sure to drop your cousin BILLY SUNDAY a line. Think of him as the Dr.PHIL of the internets.
That’s the best thing i’ve read all day. Sip Water!
You is crazy!!!!
>”Go get your GOD on nigga.”
Nice line.