BLING! It’s A Celebration Bitches!


I had the good fortune last week of being invited to several premieres and debuts of works of art created by Black artists. The first piece was a one man performance by ROGER GUENVER SMITH titled ‘Who Killed BOB MARLEY?’ I can’t even begin to tell you about the kind of pretension that was in the air, but for those of you that know Black people… That really, really know Black people… To you folks I say that the room was filled with liteskin niggas with no moustaches. ‘Nuff said.

The second function was being held at the museum for the City of New York and that fact alone meant that the snobbery might be at a high level here as well. The Museum of the City of New York drew my ire when they installed this exhibit called ‘Black Style Now’. I take umbrage with anyone and anything that attempts to codify what ‘Black’ means. When you enter the museum you are greeted by five black mannequins fully clad in clothing meant to illustrate five pop culture music icons. KANGAY WEST, BeYONCE, LENNY KRAVITZ, LIL’ KIM and The King of All Jigs, DIDDY. The mannequins are dressed in outfits that these stars purportedly wore at some time. None of the outfits were created by Black designers. The museum also had the nerve to say that the POLO Ralph Lauren rugby on the KANGAY mannequin was the same one in the enlarged photo that stood behind the display. Any true representative of the ‘lifestyle’ could tell that wasn’t the truth. So from the gate the ‘Black Style Now’ exhibit was really a celebration of white fashion designers and the jigs who love to play dress up in their shit.

Thankfully, I wasn’t here to pick apart the museum and their faux negro nonsense. I came through to celebrate the book release of ‘BLING: The Hip-Hop Jewelry Book’. The book is an illustrated documentation of the evolution of rap artist’s fascination with jewelry. It’s a light-hearted tome meant to follow the progression of jewelry trends within the rap music industry. You see how these artists describe their self-value through their adornment. There are stories inside about some of the legendary jewelers that were necessary tradesmen in attaining rap artist status.

Leave your politics at the rally in front of Tiffany’s. This book isn’t meant to educate you on the diamond trade or the precious metals mining process. If you want to see kids missing appendages then you are missing the point. The rap music business is filled with men who were raised by women and therefore they are attracted to shiny necklaces and baubles like their mothers are. Instead of condemning these young men for what you perceive to be their lack of global-socio-economics you should just buy this book from Amazon. I’m mad that I didn’t. I could have saved more than one third of the money that I spent in the museum’s book shop.

The best part of the book is that there are photos of some of the Gods in the rap game when truck gold was the shit. RAKIM, ERIC B, BIZMARKIE and SLICK RICK. There’s a photo of GHOSTFACE wearing the ‘Wonder Woman’ bracelet, but what was even more illmatic was the pendant he was rocking that was the size of a manhole cover. The history of grills is shown which should help some of you youngbloods learn that New York City had hit it, quit it and shitted it before the Derrty even could get with it. The other good point of this book is that both of the authors have moustaches, albeit slight ones. The biggest lesson I learned from this week was…

Never trust a Black man without any facial hair.


11 Responses to “BLING! It’s A Celebration Bitches!”

  1. Combat Jack says:

    Jeah, I heard that book was ill. Ima have to cop a copy. What’s good dude?

  2. 911 says:

    I resent that, military requirement…….I never really liked the flat out moustache so fcuk it…..1

  3. Candice says:

    Instant Rapper Kit? Where can I get my hands on that?

  4. Tai says:

    You touched my heart today. My daddy used to say that ALL the time. “NEVER TRUST A MAN WITHOUT FACIAL HAIR.” I live by that mantra and it has beneficial in my life.

  5. ELOHEEM STAR says:

    I usually don’t rock facial hair and few are more trustworthy than me.

    “Trust everybody, but cut the cards” Finley Peter Dunne

  6. Tiffany says:

    That kit is too funny!!! It sure includes the items needed to be a rapper today …


  7. apple halsey says:

    talk about negro nonsense — i was at that event DP and you are trippin’.

    (though I will agree with you abou the high quotient of light-skinned kneegrows without facial hair).

    but to the subject at hand, though i think the idea of “black style” is superficial at best, and intellectually lazy at worst, if you had bothered to actually peep the exhibit, you would have seen that in fact it was ALL about black designers (most of whom I’m willing to bet you’ve never heard of, much less rocked, considering you give your money to the waspiest TI out there), black models, black hat makers and trends started by black folks which were adopted by the majority establishment.

    second, that book is written for idiots. talk about ADD generation…it’s one thing to talk about adornment but the book reads like a giant debeers marketing scheme, with a little throwaway line about conflict diamonds and severed limbs here and there. plus, that chick who designs jewelry pissed me off when asked if she used conflict-free diamonds and safe gold in her designs, and she ducked the whole issue of her moral resposibility by putting it on her clients because she thinks they don’t care.

    so what, that wasn’t the question bitch. the question was, what do you do? ugh. whassup with just acknowledging that you’re a greedy mothafocker and you don’t care who gets exploited? at least that would be honest.

  8. the_dallas says:

    ^you were there?

    I wish that you would have taken the time to say hi to me. maybe I might have walked through the supremacist interpreted Black Style exhibit with you and you could have convinced me to accept the exhibit as artistically based. i’m open to the negro apologist mindset.

    As far as the book is concerned it wasn’t created to be a scholarly study on why people in Hip-Hop buy gaudy, over-valued jewelry. It’s simply and effectively a photo documentary of the jewelry trends worn by popular culture icons. No more, no less. All you folks that complain about conflict free diamonds eat fruits and vegetables cultivated by migrant workers paid in slave wages.

    If you want to save the planet so badly the only loggical solution is for you to kill yourself in an ocean. We’ll save gas by not having to drive to a funeral. We’ll save trees by not having to bury you in a casket. We won’t have to listen any more to people making whiny complaints about the diamond trade.

  9. apple halsey says:

    Actually, I saw CS in the exhibition and we kicked it for a bit but when I went to look for you, you were triple fisting that girly pink shit they were serving and CS was holding your bag. It didn’t look like a good moment to interrupt.

    As far as the book is concerned, it is a scholarly classic…on how to big up nonsense under the guise of celebrating a manufactured need that only serves to further a supremist society. last time i checked, debeers, which runs 95% of the game, is only making white south afrikans, brits and TI’s wealthy. but hey, maybe when not even crapper can stand the crap anymore, they’ll be able to hock it for some dough. i guess that’s their pension plan.

    As for my long term plans, already covered. earth to earth and ashes to ashes. and from the look of things on your end, with a lot less methane to boot.

    yes, i am a hater.

  10. the_dallas says:

    ^Hate on hater, that ‘girlie’ pink shit was vodka infused with guarana aka liquid heart attack and the shit tasted good.

    As far as only making white south afrikans, brits and TI’s wealthy, you forgot to include the Dutch.

    I’m not telling people to leave their politics alone either. There is a part in the book where they teach you how to make diamonds in a microwave. There’s no conflict in that unless you are related to some folks from Kingsford.

  11. apple halsey says:

    ^yes, the third arm you spontaneously generated to hold yet another drink seemed to indicate you enjoyed the flavor

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